This Is The Death of Me
by winchestersangel
Summary: Dean Winchester has kept his life normal since recovering from self-harming as a teenager. When Dean meets the curious, blue eyed Castiel Novak, he falls instantly for Castiel. Dean is certain that Castiel is special, but does he know how alike they really are? Dean and Castiel struggle through their everyday lives together including unsupportive friends and eventually, themselves.
1. PrologueChapter 1

This Is The Death of Me

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**Author's Note: Well hello. This is my very first Fanfiction as well as my very first creative writing piece. I have never written anything outside of school essay's and all that jazz. I have had a lot of fun writing what I have so far with this story. This story means a lot to me, and the experiences that Dean and Castiel go through in this story, are what alot of people here are going through including me. I am always open to reviews and critism. It just makes me happy to see anyone read what I have created. Thank you so much!**

**Warnings: Mentions of self-harming, child abuse, alcohol (not alot). Mild language but hey, that depends on what you think is mild. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its character. All rights and shit go to the creators of the show, basically, the lovely Eric Kripke. But damn, I wish I did own it. That would be fun...**

**Thank you again for taking your time to read this.**

**This story is dedicated to Kate. Kate, you are amazing and I know you know how this story ends, hell, you probably know more than me. But I hope that this story made you smile in some way because I love your beautiful smile. You know who you are you little Assbutt :)**

**Okay enjoy!**

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Prologue (Please read this or else the whole story would not make sense)

Dean's life had always been the same. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, at least he'd hoped. His life was just like any other person's life. He was a junior in college at the University of Kansas, skipping most of his classes to smoke in his one bedroom apartment or to work at Bobby's repair shop to help pay for his apartment .He had many friends and have had many, many girlfriends. He didn't ask for much because he didn't need much to be happy. Dean was well known around in the campus but nobody knew a single detail about his life. He didn't like to talk about it, especially to people he cared about because he was finally happy. But in his teenage years, he was a wreck.

He had been depressed. There was never a time where he wasn't depressed. He was suicidal and trying to cope with his flaws and his mother's death by self harming. It was something he was ashamed of but he didn't know how to stop it. There was nobody to help him through his pain. His Dad was a lawyer so he left on business trips a lot. Dean had to take care of his little brother, Sam, while their Dad was away. Sam didn't know about Deans self harming. Dean would wear long sleeved shirts everyday even if it was 80 degrees outside just to cover his scars. Dean wanted to die every day but he couldn't leave Sam. Sam was the only person in Dean's life that he cared about. Dean would come home from school, and come home to see his little Sammy, always bright eyed with a smile that could save anyone. Dean knew that because his smile saved Dean every day. Eventually, Dean got the courage to get help from Bobby. Bobby was a family friend that was more like a father to the boys than their actual father was. Dean had to spend the summer before his freshmen year in college locked up in a mental hospital. That mental hospital was probably worse than Hell. Dean knew he had never and probably never will go to Hell but still, if he knew what Hell was like, that mental hospital was worse.

Finally, Dean made it out of the mental hospital. Dean stopped self harming but he had taken up a new hobby. Drinking. He wouldn't drink all the time but only when he needed to. His first two years of college were a blur. Many things had happened to him. Dozens and dozens of college parties. The same could go for his girlfriends. He liked the idea of having another person in his life to love and to care about since there hadn't been a lot of those kinds of people in his past. He would always charm the girl into going on a date and then eventually, an unplanned "sleepover" at his apartment. He loved doing this but he knew that it wasn't love. He had never felt complete. Junior year of college rolled by and Dean thought nothing of it. It was probably going to be like every other year of college.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean woke up to a knock on the door of his apartment. He groaned into his pillow but didn't sit up. "Who is it?" He said weary.

"Dude its Adam! Get your ass up and out and off of that couch! Were gonna be late to our first class this year and I do not wanna piss off Mr Uriel. I heard that he makes you wash his car if you're late to the first day." Dean's best friend Adam Milligan let himself into the apartment. Dean blinked a couple times to wake himself up. He hadn't slept a lot ever since his girlfriend Lisa broke up with him 2 weeks ago. Dean really liked Lisa but she found a new guy to date. Or so had he heard. Adam walked across the living room and into the kitchen, the floor squeaking as he stepped onto each wood plank. "God damn it Adam. You know that I hate Uriel's literature classes. "Dean muffled through his pillow. Adam laughed at Dean's remark. "Then why did you sign up for it?" Adam asked as he grabbed an apple from Dean's refrigerator. "Oh I don't know Adam." Dean began, "Maybe because you made me sign up for it?!"

"Haha wow Dean." joked Adam, "You're smarter than they say you are."

"Shut up Milligan." Dean said through his breath.

"Just be ready in five. I'll be outside." Adam said as he bit into the apple. Dean groaned. "Hurry up Winchester." Adam said as he slammed the apartment door behind him, leaving Dean alone to get dressed.

Dean stared at the wood plank floor, chipping the bluish gray paint away will his fingernail. He hated going to literature classes. He didn't like the idea of writing down all your secrets in a novel for the whole world to see. It just seemed like an invasion of privacy. Dean finally sat up on the couch. He had a bed in the bedroom but he was always so tired from the day that he would just pass out on the couch. He was wearing his clothes from the day before. They were wrinkled too much to pass as a new set of clothes so he forced himself to change.

He got up on his feet and trudged into the bathroom. The cold water against his skin did not wake him up but it only masked the smell of car grease and oil that always lingered him after a long day at Bobby's shop. Dean patted his face dry a towel and then threw it on the bathroom floor. He slowly walked into his bedroom and picked up a white shirt from the floor. He had worn it a couple days ago but he didn't have enough time to do laundry lately. He put the shirt on and threw his leather jacket on to cover a pizza stain on the shoulder of the shirt. He kept the same pants on because it was already 7:43 am and the class started at 8:00. Dean slipped his boots on and walked out the door without breakfast in his stomach.

So far, junior year was like a bomb waiting to go off. He was going to a class that he was going to hate and he had no breakfast which was not rare but still, Dean was always hungry.

The boys walked to the class which took about 10 minutes. Dean was still half asleep when they arrived to the lecture hall. Adam turned to Dean. "Listen Winchester," Adam said sternly, "Don't pull any crap today. This class means a lot to me and I don't wanna get kicked out." Dean looked up to Adam, now more awake than before. "Okay fine. But you owe me a beer after this thing is over." Dean grunted. Adam smiled at Dean and said, "Fine!" This made Dean smile back at him.

They walked into the auditorium. There was a fair amount of students sitting in the seats. On the stage of the auditorium, there was a PowerPoint Presentation with the title of 'Intro to Creative Writing'. Mr. Uriel was sitting in a chair on the stage. His legs were crossed and he had a look on his face like he didn't want to be there more than Dean. Dean and Adam found seats in the middle of the auditorium. Adam pulled out a notebook for taking notes and he slipped on his glasses. Dean looked at him with shock. "Dude seriously?" He whispered.

"What?" Adam said with excitement. "I like taking notes..."

"Yeah whatever man." Dean muttered as he slid farther into his chair.

Dean checked his phone for the time. 7:57. Dean had been there for 3 minutes which felt like 3 hours. He just wanted to go home and sleep for once in 2 weeks. Dean scanned the auditorium. He recognized all of the students. Most of them were nerds because all they ever did was read and write. They didn't like to go to parties and they didn't really like interacting with other people. Basically, they were the total opposite of Dean.

Suddenly, the auditorium door slammed open, the noise echoing in the huge auditorium. Dean turned around towards the door and there stood a guy that Dean had never seen before. His whole appearance looked worn but Dean noticed that he still looked awake and bright eyed. He had scraggly brown hair that seriously needed to be combed down. He had bags under his deep ocean blue eyes. He probably hadn't shaved in a while considering the amount of stubble on his chin and cheeks. The boy was wearing a white shirt that oddly matched Dean's shirt minus the pizza stain. "Oh my gosh. Sorry. I didn't mean to scare anyone like that!" He said in embarrassment. "I hope I'm not late. I got lost on my way here." His cheeks now flushed with red. Dean stared at him. The boy looked around the auditorium and his blue eyes met Deans green eyes. The boy smiled at the sight of Dean and then looked away, now towards Mr. Uriel. Dean continued to stare at him.

There was something about him that Dean couldn't grasp yet. Dean's gaze broke as the boy started walking down the isle of the auditorium. As he past Dean, Dean continued to look at him while he picked up the boys scent. He smelled faintly of cherries and some sort of beer. Dean really loved cherries. And beer. Dean couldn't stop looking at him. Dean didn't want to admit it, but the boy was beautiful. He wasn't beautiful in just the way he looked. Everything about him was just perfect to Dean. The way he walked, the way he talked, the way he even smelled. Dean loved it all. And for once, he felt complete.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: Okay so with my last two chapters, I noticed some errors so Im sorry about those. But thank you to anyone who has read this story. Every single review and every single view makes me so happy. I was literally smiling like an idiot last night.**

**Just letting you know, I have written up to Chapter 17 for this story but I have decided to only publish a chapter each day. And also, I wrote this a while ago so when I look back at it now, im just like "Oh my god what was I thinking..." **

**Thank you so much for reading, it really means alot! :)**

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"Oh God. Who the Hell is that?" Adam whispered to Dean," He looks even worse than you Winchester." For the first time since the boy arrived, Dean stopped staring at the boy and turned to Adam.

"Adam shut up!" Dean laughed attempting to go back to reality." I don't know who he is but he's probably a new kid or something." Dean continued. Dean looked for the boy. The boy was now sitting a few rows in front of Dean and Adam. He was looking at a campus map with a serious look on his face. His eyebrows scrunched together making small wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. His mouth curled and he bit his lower lip while flipping through many pages of what seemed to be class schedules. Dean cleared his throat realizing that he had been on the edge of his seat.

"Dean."

"What?!" He suddenly jerked his head towards Adam, face red with embarrassment.

"Are you okay? You look like you've seen a damn ghost or something." Adam said with suspicion.

"Y- yeah. I'm f-fine." Dean choked out.

"Whatever Dean. Class is about to start!" Adam cheered.

Class was three and a half hours of Hell. Dean wasn't paying attention to anything that Mr. Uriel was saying. He was too busy staring at the back of the boy's head. The boy was taking notes. Dean watched him the whole time. He observed the way that the boy's head was tilted slightly to the right as he was writing. The boy moved his pen swiftly across the lined pages as he wrote. He noticed how when he didn't understand something, he would scrunch his face towards the stage and raise his hand to ask. When he would ask his questions, he would ask them with such curiosity like the whole world depended on him to get the answer so he could renounce it and save the world. And every time the boy would get his answer, he would say "Thank you!" in the most innocent voice Dean has ever heard. And every time he said "Thank you!" Dean would smirk and smile and try not to have Adam notice it.

When the class was over, Adam asked Dean "Wasn't that amazing?!" Dean looked at Adam and replied "Yeah Adam it was great." Adam grinned with pride.

"I knew you would like it. I'm gonna go take a piss and then we can go get those beers!"Adam said and he walked out the door of the auditorium.

Dean smiled. "Sure thing Milligan"

Dean turned around and saw the boy packing up his papers in a cross body messenger's bag. Dean needed to know what this boy's name was. He didn't know why he was acting like this. It all seemed like a fantasy to Dean but he didn't care. He didn't know one thing about the boy and the boy made him feel so complete like they had already spent their whole lives together.

As the boy rose from his seat, Dean approached him.

"Hi." Dean stammered.

"Oh hello! I don't think I know you." The boy had a deeper voice than what Dean had expected. His voice was low, but also sincere and calming.

"Yeah. Are you new here?" Dean couldn't help but to stare into the boys blue eyes.

"Yeah. It was a bad first impression. Dontcha think?" He giggled.

"Nahh. You seem okay." Dean admitted. "I'm Dean Winchester." Dean held out his hand.

"I'm Castiel Novak. Nice to meet you Dean."

Castiel. Nothing else sounded more perfect than that name. Dean thought that it sounded like the name of an angel or something.

Dean's name sounded so perfect when Castiel said it. He shook Dean's hand. His hand was soft and the handshake sent electricity through Dean which pulsed in his veins. Dean felt so shy next to Castiel which was rare. Dean was never shy.

Dean smiled at Castiel. He realized he was probably smiling to big when Castiel started to laugh. "Oh I'm sorry." Dean said shamefully, "I didn't mean to-"

"No no! I'm sorry." Castiel said, cutting of Dean."This might sound weird but you have really nice green eyes." Castiel's cheeks became even redder than before.

Dean smiled at the tile floor. He laughed and Castiel looked at him with a surprised look.

"Well thank you Castiel. You have really nice blue eyes." Dean replied shyly.

Castiel smile grew wider than before. It wasn't a smile of a boy trying to be sexy. It was his real smile. Too big for his face. It made Castiel even more beautiful to Dean than before which Dean didn't even think that was possible.

"So Cas. Oh wait, is it okay if I call you Cas?" As soon as Dean said that, he felt embarrassed.

"Yeah that sounds perfect." Cas said with his real smile.

Dean's face felt hotter than before."Oh okay Cassssssss!" He whistled.

"Oh god!" Cas continued, "Is my nickname now gonna be something like Cas the Ass? Because that just sounds classy."

Dean laughed out loud. He really liked Cas. He really, really liked Cas. "Hahaha. No. we can just stick to Cas. I like Cas."

"Okay Dean." Cas replied, beaming when he said Dean's name.

"So um Cas." Dean stuttered. "You wanna hang out or something tomorrow?"

Cas replied quickly. "You wanna hang out with me?"

"Yeah. You seem great." Dean said shyly. He had never acted this way before.

"Oh um yeah! Okay! Tomorrow then!"

"Great." Dean said smiling too big again. "I can give you my number."

"Sure!" Cas said, pulling out a piece of paper.

Dean wrote down his number. As he was finishing, Adam walked through the door."Dean let's go!" Adam yelled through the auditorium, his booming voice echoed through the room.

"I'll just text you tonight or something!" Cas said without a worry.

"Okay Cas. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye Dean Winchester." Cas smiled.

"Bye Casssssss!" Dean yelled loud. He hoped that the whole world heard him. He hoped that the whole world heard the beautiful name that was Castiel. The beautiful name that belonged to the beautiful boy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: So yes! The ship has sailed! And also, I kept these chapters relatively short because sometimes, chapters are just so long. I dont know, I'm weird. If you guys are not satisfied with the short chapters, I can post two chapters a day. Let me know! :)**

**But thank you so much for reviewing! Seeing reviews and all the views just makes my day so much better. And even if you dont enjoy the story, I want any kind of feedback. **

**Thank you again for reading my story. On to the next chapter!**

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Dean finally got the courage to leave the auditorium which was strange for Adam. Dean didn't want to go to the class but in the end, he could leave. Adam didn't know why this happened but he took it as a change of heart.

The boys went to get beers, just like Adam promised. They went to their favorite bar which was on the same street as the class, which was convenient, especially for Dean. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He knew he wasn't gay. He's had too many girlfriends to be gay. But those girls didn't give Dean anything that he needed. He was never in love before so Dean didn't know what he was feeling.

Dean never stopped thinking about Cas. Cas' voice just stuck to the back of his mind. Dean didn't mind it because to Dean, Cas' voice was comforting. Cas made the world slow down, and for the second that their eyes met, It made the world stop all at once. Dean didn't know much about Cas but he wanted to know more and more and more of him. Dean had always felt like life had more to offer than just the everyday life that he gets. Dean would hope that something cool or suspenseful would happen to him just so he could know that there was more to the world than what was in front of his eyes. But, this was the real world. It was inevitable that he would barely graduate from college, continue to work at the repair shop with Bobby, and hopefully marry someone and start a family. Even though it seemed ordinary, this was the life he had always hoped for as a teenager. Somehow, Cas made Dean realize that there was more to life than cars, beer, and the average frat party.

Dean had been checking his phone every couple minutes to check if Cas had texted him yet. The later it got, the more Adam got drunk. Dean had only had one beer so he was the closest thing to sober. And anyways, he didn't feel the need to drink when he could just think of Cas and his wrinkling eyes as he smiled.

"Alright Milligan," Dean chuckled as he checked his phone once more, "I think it's time for you to go home. At least before you start throwing up on me."

Adam raised his head from the bar counter. His eyes were blood shot red and drooping. His hair was a mess, sticking up in all different directions. "Dean…" Adam gagged.

"Deannnnnnnnn. Your name is Dean! My best friend. DEAN!" Adam shouted through the bar. Some tough looking guys in a booth stared at Adam giving him thumbs up.

"Okay buddy. Let's get going." Dean said grabbing Adams arm and throwing it around his own neck. Dean pulled Adams sluggish body through the bar, Adams feet dragging behind them.

It took them 10 minutes longer than usual to get to Deans apartment considering the fact that Adam had to stop twice to puke on the side of the road. Dean let Adam sleep in his own bed while Dean slept on the couch again.

Dean realized that he hadn't checked his phone since leaving the bar. It was past midnight and he wasn't sure if Cas had texted him. Dean pulled out his phone from his leather jacket pocket but he didn't look at the screen. This was all just stupid to Dean. He was acting like a 12 year old girl that was hoping for a text from her crush or something. Dean was just confused by what had happened today. He met Castiel which was driving him crazy, still not knowing if it was good or bad yet. And there was a drunken Adam in his bedroom which Dean would have to take care of in the morning.

Dean finally looked at the screen of his phone. There was one message.

_Hi Dean. It's Castiel Novak. Remember me? If you want to grab dinner or something tomorrow, we could meet at the restaurant next to the lecture hall at 7. Is that okay? _

_Love, _

_Cas the Ass :) _

Love. He said love Cas the Ass. That might've been the cheesiest yet the biggest heart stopper that Dean has ever heard. He quickly replied back to Cas.

_Hey Cas. Thanks for texting me. Dinner sounds great. I'll see you at 7. Don't forget your ass Cas. :) _

_Love, _

_Dean Winchester (sorry I don't have a nickname like you yet)_

He pressed "Send" and he shut off his phone. He was so excited to see Cas again.

Dean kicked of his boots and threw his leather jacket on the floor. Adam grumbled in the bedroom. Dean ignored it and fell onto the couch. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep. Every second he slept, he was getting closer to Dinner with Cas. Dean fell into such a deep sleep, that he didn't hear his phone buzz; notifying him that he had gotten a text from Cas.

_I won't forget it! We can figure out a nickname for you tomorrow at dinner. _

_Cas. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: So yes! Dinner date time! I remember writing this chapter a while ago in a coffee shop (I know, how classy of me) and I was just so challenged on how I was supposed to make Dean admit his feelings towards Cas. Since Dean keeps his feelings so hidden towards Cas and Sam, I tried to make Dean shy about his feelings but I still tried to keep his tough vibe, as on Supernatural. I dont know. When I wrote this chapter, I was squinting at my laptop since I do that when concentrate. A guy was staring at me, probably wondering why I was looking so constipated. I thought that was funny... So that was a little behind the scenes for you all. **

**And as always, please, please, please leave reviews. One of the reasons why I decided to publish this story was because I wanted feedback on my writing and I convinced myself that all the praise my friend was giving me on it, was all lies... I know, sad right? So just please give me any kind of feedback. I dont care if its bad, just please! I want to know if at least one person reads this story.**

**Oh yeah, sorry for the mega long authors notes. I wonder if any of you read these... I dont know. These authors notes are just so cool, like secret notes or something like that. Okay so I obviously had too much coffee... Back to the story! **

**Thank you for taking your time to read my story. It really means alot and makes my day when I see reviews and all these views!**

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Dean woke up to the sound of Adam vomiting. He raised his head from the pillow, rubbing his face in an effort to wake up. This was the first night since Dean and Lisa broke up that Dean didn't wake up from nightmares. The sound of Adam gagging in another room was not a good sound to wake up to, but it was expected considering the amount of drinks he had at the bar last night. Dean yelled across the apartment, "You okay Adam?"

Adam groaned under his breath, "I feel like shit. Does it look like I'm okay?!"

Dean laughed and sat up. His phone was on the floor. Dean picked it up and read the message from Cas and as he read it, he smiled at the floor and laughed. Dean was excited about having dinner with Cas, but he wondered if Cas felt the same way as Dean.

Dean stood on his feet and walked towards the bathroom. Adam was hunched over the toilet, his shirt covered in sweat. Luckily, there was no vomit on the floor but the smell of the vomit was unbearable. The smell that originated in the bathroom was now flooding into the rest of the apartment. Dean covered his mouth, trying to avoid gagging himself. Adam stood up and wiped his mouth with his arm. "I think that's it…" He said as he flushed the toilet.

"Yeah hopefully." Dean said doubtfully.

"Whatever. I don't even remember anything after I drank the second beer."

"Haha," Dean said jokingly, "Dude, you don't even wanna know what happened."

"But thanks for letting me crash here." Adam said."I'm gonna head home."

"Okay Milligan. Let me know if you need anything else." Dean replied patting Adams back.

And with that, Adam picked up his jacket from the floor, grabbed another apple from Dean's refrigerator, and left his apartment thanking Dean once more. Dean opened the windows which got rid of the hideous smell of Adams vomit. Dean checked his phone once more, just in case Cas texted him again. Nothing.

Dean spent the rest of his day working at the repair shop. He figured that he would pay for the dinner later that night, so he would need extra money for it. Maybe Cas was a heavy spender. Dean finished the repairs for that day, so he decided to head home.

When Dean got home at about 6 that night, he started to get anxious. At first, Dean tried to ignore it by taking a shower. He probably smelled like sweat and car oil anyways. The water was splashing his face, removing the sweat and dirt stains. Whenever he took showers, he would think about things that were too hard and too deep to think about. But this time, he thought of Cas. At first, he thought of his smile. It reminded him of Sam's smile, which was the same smile that saved him every day from killing himself. Then, Dean thought of Cas' smell. The smell of cherries and beer. The beer scent reminded Dean of Adam and his vomit. Dean shivered at the reminder of the smell of Adams vomit. He felt bad for Adam. Maybe he should've made Adam stay with him until he wasn't hungover anymore.

Dean got out of the shower. He dried his hair with a towel and then wrapped the towel around his waist. He looked into the mirror which was covered in fog. Dean stared at his reflection while wiping the fog off. What if Cas didn't like him? What if he was just fantasizing about this whole thing and Cas only said yes to dinner because he felt bad for Dean? Dean always had issues about what other people thought of him. During college, those issues slowly went away but now, they were coming back and haunting Dean in the back of his head.

Dean put on a clean blue shirt. He always wore his leather jacket to cover his fading scars from years ago. They weren't really noticeable unless you stared at his arm. But Cas seemed observant to Dean, so he threw on the jacket.

Dean checked his phone.

**6:51pm**

He wasn't late. He was always late to everything but for this, he couldn't be late. He walked into the restaurant that they agreed on meeting at. Looking around the room, he noticed that Cas wasn't there yet.

Dean sat down at a booth. He placed his hands on the wooden table and wrapped them around each other. His hands were shaking furiously and his palms were starting to get sweaty. As he was wiping his hands on his worn out jeans, Dean heard the restaurant door open. He raised his head and Cas was standing at the entrance, smiling at Dean.

Cas walked up to the booth where Dean was sitting at. "Dean Winchester. I am surprised at you!"He was speaking like he was talking as a parent to his child.

"Why" Dean asked curiously.

"I didn't think you would come. You have a reputation of blowing things off. "Cas replied instantly.

"I know. I do blow things off." Dean admitted, "I just didn't think I should blow this off."

Cas smiled at Dean, his eyes wrinkling the way that Dean loves. Cas sat down across from Dean. "I just want to know, Why me?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Thank you guys so much. Every single view and every single review just makes me so happy. I probably havent been this happy in a long time and now my parents are scared...**

**Okay im gonna go on a rant for a bit so be prepared...JENSEN'S NEW HAIRCUT FOR SEASON 9 I COULDNT EVEN HANDLE IT AND EVERYTIME I SAW IT ON TUMBLR I JUST HAD TO REBLOG IT.**

**Thanks for that. But seriously, You guys make my life so much better than it was before. Im so thankful for each and everyone of you because it gives me the motivation to keep doing what I love. **

**So on to the next chapter! And I have to say, this chapter... is spicy! :)**

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Dean looked up at Cas. He thought that Cas was the most beautiful person in this world and Cas didn't see that.

"What?" Dean scoffed," What do you mean?" Dean knew exactly what Cas was thinking but he didn't want it to be true. Dean wanted Cas to see the beauty in himself.

"Well, I wanna know why a guy like you, would want to hang out with me." Cas admitted.

"A guy like me? Am I part of a different species or something?"

"Well," Cas started, "I heard that you don't really care about anything and I knew It had to be true considering the amount of girls on campus that claim that they dated you."

"Yeah I've dated girls. So what?"

Cas stared at Dean, focusing hard on the tiny features on Dean's face. Dean didn't feel uncomfortable with Cas staring at him. Instead, he felt at peace, like those big blue eyes have been waiting for him for all his life.

"Dean," Cas continued, "You've dated them for only a week at the most. Don't you feel like that a little rude? Using girls for sex or whatever."

Dean laughed to cover up his anxiety. Cas yanked at his shirt to loosen the collar. "What?" Cas asked as he scrunched his nose.

"Cas. You don't know one thing about me." Dean started to raise his voice but it was still quiet enough that no one else in the restaurant could hear. "I don't use girls for sex. In fact, I don't even know if I like girls."

Dean regretted saying that as soon as Cas raised his eyebrows at him. Dean felt stupid. He wouldn't be surprised if Cas just got up and walked out of that restaurant. He was so excited to see Cas and get to know everything about him but so far, everything was going wrong. And Dean had to top off the wonderful night by saying that. What Dean said wasn't exactly a lie. He wasn't sure if he liked girls anymore. Of course, he had kissed girls before and had sex with girls before but Cas was the only one who made him feel this way.

Cas leaned back in his chair. He sighed deeply, but kept a small smile on his face.

"Damn it Cas. I'm sorry." Dean choked out under his breath.

"What?" Cas muttered, staring at the floor.

"I didn't mean to say that. Can I be honest with you though? I mean, this night couldn't get worse even if I tried."

"Okay go ahead." Cas said, still not looking up at Dean.

"Well," Dean started, "I thought that I liked girls but, I don't know Cas. I don't think I do anymore."

"Oh wow." Cas looked up at Dean. He still had a smile on his face, now bigger than before. "What made you change your mind?"

Dean paused. He opened his mouth, as if to say something but then he closed it. Dean barely knew Cas and yet, he was sharing possibly his biggest secret. He felt as if he had known Cas for his whole life.

Dean leaned back in his chair, mimicking Cas' movements. He folded his hands in his lap and looked up at Cas.

"Oh um." Dean said looking around nervously. "You."

Dean's eyes met Cas's eyes. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Finally, Cas leaned forward into his chair, putting his hand on the table. Cas' back was hunched, his smile grew wider as he started to chuckle.

"Wait." Cas said behind the laughter. "So you think you're gay…Because of….me…"

"Yeah pretty much. So if you are morally offended, just go ahead and walk out the door." Dean said firmly. He was done with all this 'are you are or are you not gay' game show. He just wanted Cas to say whatever gay joke he can think of so this dinner could be over.

"Why would I walk away?" Cas asked. He wasn't smiling anymore. He had probably figured that this was all a prank, the dinner, the whole gay thing. Maybe they did this to all the new students. But Cas could see the fear and seriousness in Dean's eyes. He knew Dean wasn't joking.

"Damn it Cas. You ask a lot of questions." Dean murmured as he was fiddling with the menu.

"No seriously!"

"Cas, I know you think I'm a joke. And you're probably not even gay."

Cas look at Dean like he was impressed. Cas slowly nodded his head as if he was agreeing with Dean's accusation.

"Great." Dean said sarcastically He rose from his chair, grabbing his leather jacket from the seat. "Well, this was fun. But I'm just gonna go so I'll give you time to spread the news around campus that the badass player, Dean Winchester, is now and forever more gay!" Dean threw a 10 dollar bill on the table, not looking at Cas who was definitely staring at Dean.

Dean stormed out of the restaurant. He was so mad at himself. He had this whole fantasy of where Dean and Cas somehow were both in love with each other and everything was perfect. But Dean knew that those stupid love stories don't happen in real life.

Dean walked down the road, passing the lecture hall where they met. He kicked a rock as he was walking, which soon stopped after the rock fell down a sewer. He kept his head bent down towards the ground as he was thinking about Cas. And about how stupid he was.

"Hey Dean! Wait!" A voice called out from behind him. Dean knew who's voice it was. Cas. He turned around and saw Cas running up to him waving his hand furiously. Dean groaned and kept walking. All he wanted to do was go home.

"Hey Assbutt!" Cas called. "Come on! I already have to run! Don't make me bite you."

Dean stopped walking and turned around. "Assbutt?" Dean said. "How the hell did you come up with that?"

Cas caught up to Dean. He was clutching Deans arms as he was bent over, gasping for air. "Hah…" Cas said, breathing heavily. "I don't know. That was all I could think of."

Dean tried to hold in his laugh but all that came out was a small smile. He couldn't help loving Cas but Cas would be the one to tell the whole school that he was the one to turn Dean Winchester.

"So what do you want?" Dean said as he started walking again.

"I have to tell you something important." Cas said scurrying behind Dean, trying to keep up with him.

"Shoot."

Cas stepped in front of Dean, which stopped Dean from trying to escape. There was little space between them; their arms were grazing each others, which sent chills down Dean spine. Cas gently picked up Deans hand. His fingers were stroking the back of his hand.

"I need to tell you, that you're wrong." Cas said gazing into Deans eyes. Cas was calm with Dean.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked. His voice was shaking. He never had done anything with another guy and now he was inches away from Cas' face. Dean leaned back a little, but he wasn't uncomfortable.

"I would never do anything to hurt you Dean. When I saw you at the lecture hall, I don't know," Cas said staring at Dean's hand, still stroking it. "I just felt different ya' know."

Dean didn't say anything. He was still confused on what Cas was trying to say, but he had a glimmer of hope.

"Dean." Cas said softly, now looking up at Dean. "I didn't think I was gay. Until you said 'Hi' to me at the lecture hall. You had me as soon as you looked at me.

Dean didn't say anything again. He was staring into Cas' eyes but he didn't know what to say.

"Can I tell you something?" Cas asked. He seemed like he had done this a million times. He looked so peaceful talking to Dean.

Dean nodded.

Cas took a deep breath. His hand pulled away from Deans and he stuffed his arms into his badge jacket.

"I know you don't know this, but I think you're beautiful." Cas said staring at the ground.

Dean raised his eyebrows. He still didn't say anything. He was in too much shock to say anything at this moment.

Cas nodded at Dean's reaction. He looked up to the sky and then looked back at Dean again. Dean was obviously in shock but he still held a smirk in his face. "Oh this Is great."Cas chuckled."God damn it! I'm so awkward!"

Dean finally stopped staring at Cas. He cleared his throat while blinking furiously. "No no. Cas. It's okay."He murmured softly. "I'm happy."

They were smiling at each other. They knew that they had both been waiting for this moment, this moment that would change their lives forever.

Dean was finally happy. He felt complete with Cas and he knew that Cas felt the same way.

"So," Dean said, not taking an eye off Cas.

"So," Cas said in return, copying Dean's actions.

"You wanna hang out at my place for tonight?"

"Hmmm I'll have to think about that…"Joked Cas.

Dean shoved Cas as he laughed. "Shut up."

They both started walking to Dean's apartment. Dean felt infinite. He was the happiest guy in the world. He didn't need a fancy apartment or tons of money to be happy. He had Castiel. The boy with the name of an angel and eyes as blue as the ocean. Dean had Cas and Cas had Dean. They didn't know anything about each other and yet, they still felt like they had been in love for years now.

Dean started smiling to himself. Cas turned his face towards Dean. "What is it Dean?"

Dean stopped in front of Cas the same way how Cas stopped in front of Dean moments ago. They were close to each other. Dean closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet smell of Cas. Now the beer didn't remind Dean of Adam, it reminded Dean of Cas. Nothing else mattered to Dean at this moment. Everything reminded him of Cas.

Dean took the collar of Cas' shirt and pulled him even closer to his body. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, pulling Deans face closer to his own. There was no one around them, and if there was, It didn't matter to Dean. Dean didn't have to hesitate; he had been waiting for this moment for too long. Dean lightly pressed his lips to Cas' as he held Cas' back pulling him closer. Kissing Cas felt natural to Dean. Their lips fit together like they were meant for each other, like puzzle pieces snapping together, completing the picture.

Dean kept kissing Cas. He never wanted it to stop. Cas let out a light groan and wound his fingers into Deans hair. Their bodies were tangled up into each others, feeling as if they were one. Deans hips pressed against Cas' hips. Cas opened his eyes. "Dean…" He groaned. Dean woke up to reality. He pulled away from Cas. "Mhhmmm?" He muttered wiping his mouth and blinking.

"Maybe..." He started talking but it was hard for the words to come out."Maybe... we should go to your... apartment now."

"Yeah. Okay Cas. Let's go." His eyes felt heavy but he was still wide awake. He hadn't been kissed like that in a long time. Maybe forever. The kiss was real and it was shared with the one person It was meant for.

They smiled at each other. Dean felt like all he could do when he looked at Cas was smile. He couldn't smile enough when he saw Cas. They started walking again, towards Deans apartment. Dean took Cas into his arms as Cas leaned into towards Dean, laying his head on Deans leather jacket.

They walked in complete silence. They didn't say anything to each other because they didn't need to. In the total silence, the air around them felt full, like they were already talking to each other. Dean was perfectly content with staring into the distance because he knew Cas felt the same way.

Finally, Cas broke the silence. "Dean?" He asked raising his head from Deans jacket.

"Yeah Cas?" Dean turned his head to face Cas.

"So, What do you think we should do now?"

"Damn it Cas. You ask a lot of questions." Dean smiled and Cas laughed. He put his head back on Deans shoulder and they walked the rest of the way, in silence.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Ahh so we are on Chapter 7! This is probably one of my favorite chapter's that I have written so far. It was so fun to write as well as it was to read. I remember writing this chapter in a cafe in Barnes and Noble (Why do I write in such weird places?) and I was just smiling like an idiot at my laptop. This chapter I think gave an opportunity to add depth to the character's and to advance their relationship even more. If I remember correctly, my friend Kate (whom this story is dedicated to) read this chapter and claimed that she "cried" but I highly doubt that considering she doesnt cry and she only sheds silent tears. Now, I dont expect you lovely people to cry while reading my story, wether its regarding the horrible writing or the emotional moments, making someone cry with writting, that takes some serious skill. And I have to admit, I have cried while reading fanfiction many times *cough cough Twist and Shout cough cough* **

**Okay so I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as well as the rest of this story! Please dont hesitate to review it, I always love reviewers! **

**On to Chapter 7! Enjoy my lovely cupcakes :)**

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Dean and Cas made it back to Dean's apartment eventually. They stopped every so often to sneak a kiss or two.

Dean unlocked to the door to his apartment. He had to slam the light switch to turn it on because the apartment was old and well, that was the only way Dean could get it to turn on. Dean turned to Cas, "So um, uh welcome home I guess…"

"God Dean just stop being so damn cute. I'm gonna pass out." Cas said bashfully.

Cas slowly walked into the apartment, the floor still creaking every time he took a step. He walked around the living room which only consisted of the couch that Dean sleeps on every night, his guitar, and a small radio that sat on the floor across from the couch. Cas smiled and turned towards Dean who looked rather embarrassed. "Nice place Dean. It's simple."

"Hah yeah thanks. I'm just in between interior decorators so that's why it's a little empty." Dean walked to Cas and wrapped his arms around his stomach.

"Haha very funny Dean. But I'm serious. I like it a lot." Cas had sincerity in his voice.

Dean thought Cas was joking about this because Dean's apartment didn't really seem like an apartment at all. It was more like a crumbling hole in a wall. He couldn't afford anything else with the salary that Bobby gives him. And if there was such a miracle that he would get extra money, he wouldn't save it up for a new apartment, he would buy a television. There was no point in his life when he owned a TV. When he would go to his friend's houses, all he would want to do was watch TV. But for now, he had bought a small radio and he would use that to entertain himself.

"Thanks Cas. It's not a lot, but its home."

Cas walked over to Dean's guitar. He picked it up and plucked one of the strings. "You play guitar?"

"Yeah. I love it." Dean did in fact love playing the guitar. He wasn't exactly the most educated person but he figured he could make a living with his guitar, playing it at cafes and bars, living on the road.

Cas handed the guitar to Dean. "Play something for me Dean." Cas said, placing Dean's hands on the guitar for him.

"No Cas. There's no way in hell you can make me play this damn thing." Dean grumbled. He did enjoy playing the guitar but he gets nervous playing in front of people. Dean set the guitar down on the floor and crossed his arms. Dean wasn't going to play in front of Cas.

Cas didn't look upset. He bent down and picked up the guitar from the floor. He looked up to Dean. "Please." Cas said attempting to do 'puppy eyes'. His eyes grew wider and his lower lip curled. "For me!"

Dean could resist it. Cas attempting to be even cuter than he already was, it was just perfect to Dean. Cas handed the guitar back to Dean. "Please Dean." Cas whispered as he lightly kissed Dean, making sure it was quick.

Dean smiled. "Ugh fine. Choose a song."

Cas' pride was oozing out of him. "Dean, pick your favorite song ever. I wanna hear you sing it."

Dean knew which song to pick. He took Cas' hand and led him to the couch. Dean took the blanket that was on the couch from the previous night, and threw it on the floor. Dean and Cas sat close to each other on the couch. Cas' hand was on Deans thigh as he asked, "So, which song are you gonna play?"

Dean looked up. "When I was a baby, before my mother died," Dean started, " She would sing me Hey Jude every night before bed. She didn't like lullabies and the Beatles were her favorite band in the world. She would sing it every single night." Dean paused. He took a deep breath. He never told anyone about his mother, but Cas was special.

"Go on Dean. It's okay." Cas comforted him.

Dean smiled and then continued. "So yeah. She would sing it every night. And it was the only song I would listen to because it was my mother's song. Right when I learned how to talk, I memorized the song. And we would sing it together every night before I went to bed. When we would finish singing, she would kiss me good night and tell me that angels were watching over us. She would tell me that whenever I feel alone or sad, that I should just listen to Hey Jude and know that she will always be with me, no matter what. So now, whenever I hear it, It reminds me of my mother." Dean finished and looked at Cas.

Cas was smiling at Dean. He wanted to hug Dean so much and just tell him that everything was going to be alright. He loved Dean so much. "Dean Winchester."

"Castiel Novak." Dean smiled back at him.

"You are way more beautiful than I thought you were."

Dean loved Cas. He really loved him.

Cas leaned in and kissed Dean on the check. "So, Dean, play this for me."

Dean cleared his throat and started strumming the guitar.

_"Hey Jude, Don't make It bad. Take a sad song, and make it better…"_ Cas stared at Dean. Everything about Dean, was amazing and pure. Dean's eyes closed as he kept on singing. Singing this song, was a second nature to Dean. He had known how to sing this song before he learned how to say 'mommy' or 'daddy'.

Cas also closed his eyes. The sound of Deans voice made him relaxed and made him humble. Cas had started to sing along with Dean.

_"Hey Jude, don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her." _ Dean hadn't realized Cas was singing along until Dean felt something drop on his leg. He opened his eyes and saw Cas crying as he was singing along with Dean.

Cas thought that Dean had the voice of an angel. If Dean was at a war, he could just sing one note and the world would be at peace. He couldn't help but cry. Dean was everything that Cas prayed for every night.

Towards the end of the song, Dean and Cas were still singing together. Dean kept in the 'Na na na' part of the song. It was his favorite part of the song because at that part, was when his mother would pick him up from his bed, and swing him on her hips as they danced in Dean's bedroom. He sang it softer than the rest of the song.

Dean finished the song, and Cas started to calm down. "Well," Dean said.

"Dean." Cas choked out.

"Yes?"

"I prayed for you."

"You what?" Dean was confused.

"Dean, I prayed for you to come."

"What? Cas, What do you mean?"

"Every night, I prayed that I would fall in love. I prayed that someone would save me. You finally came. You saved me Dean." Cas said as he wiped a tear from his sleeve.

"Aww Cas. You're the best. But saved you from what?"

Cas ignored Dean. "Dean, I love you." He started to cry more.

Dean put the guitar on the floor. "It's okay Cas. It's okay." He hugged Cas. All he could do was hug Cas. "I love you too Castiel."

Dean and Cas didn't say anything else for the rest of the night. They just exchanged smiles and held hands. Laying on the couch with Cas, listening to the radio, Dean thought about Cas. He loved Cas so much. But Dean was confused. Dean didn't know why Cas wanted to be saved. Or what he wanted to be saved from. But Dean wouldn't want to let that get in the way of falling for Cas. He wanted falling in love with Cas, to be easy and right. But then again, love is never easy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: So this chapter is kinda just relaxed I guess. I have no idea why I wrote a chapter like this where absolutley nothing happens but I dont know, I think it shows more to the story than just drama and stuff. And if i remember correctly, the next chapter is similar to this one.**

**As always, thank you guys so much for your overwhelming loveliness. I think this story has recieved about 600 views. I dont know how or why it got to that gigantic number but I was speechless when I saw it. Every single view just means so much to me. And I was nervous when my friend read it, imagine about 600 people reading it. I just dont know how big time authors do this sort of thing :D**

**Okay so Chapter 8! **

**Please feel free to leave any kind of review :) Hopefully when you review, Dean Winchester will come to you in the middle of the night and cuddle with you. I'll see if I can arrange that. I wouldnt mind that at all xD**

**Enjoy this chapter as well as the rest of the story you lovely sugar pops (I might have a small sweet tooth...just call me Gabriel!)**

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Dean woke up on the couch next to Cas. He turned around and Cas' face was facing towards him, his breaths were even and his eyes were gently shut. Dean had seen people stare at other people while they sleep in movies he'd seen but he never thought much about it until now. There was something about the way Cas slept, that made Dean know that everything was going to be okay. The light from outside was pouring into the apartment through the windows, hitting Cas' face, making him glow.

Dean was crazy. In 2 days, he had met Castiel and fell in love with him. They still didn't know much about each other but they knew that they were in love.

Cas moaned and turned his head, so he was now breathing into his pillow. "Dean…" Cas muttered through his pillow.

"Mornin' Cas." Dean smiled and kissed Cas lightly on the cheek.

Cas turned his head so he was facing Dean; his eyes were squinting to block the sunlight. It took a while for Cas to wake up. He was probably tired. Cas sat up on the couch and Dean did the same. Cas' hair looked the same as it had looked when they first met, going in all different directions. He looked around the room as if he didn't know where he was or how he got here. "Hi." Cas yawned.

"Hey Cas." Dean said. "Did you sleep well?"

"Hmm?" Cas blankly stared at Dean and then smiled. "Oh yeah. I'm great."

"Good. You wanna grab breakfast or something?" Dean asked. He grabbed Cas' hand and put his own fingers in between Cas'.

"Sure Dean." Cas replied smiling as he leaned in to kiss Dean.

Cas kissed Dean softly. For the first time in Deans life, he wanted this relationship to go slowly. He didn't want it to end. "Great. There's a diner down the road." Dean said as he stood up.

Cas stayed on the couch, clutching a pillow to his chest. "Dean?"

"Yeah Cas?" Dean turned towards Cas from across the living room.

"Thank you for playing me that song last night."

Dean walked over to Cas. He leaned in towards Cas' ear. "It was all my pleasure, Mr. Novak." Dean whispered.

Cas moved his ear away from Deans mouth and replaced it with his mouth. Dean sat back down at the couch, his hands tangled in Cas' hair. Dean smiled as he pushed Cas' head towards his own. Their breathing increasing and they were kissing each other harder. Their mouths pressed together as Dean grabbed Cas' hand, pulling It towards Dean, making Cas fall over. Cas let out a small shriek as his head fell onto Deans lap. They both laughed and Dean watched Cas' eyes wrinkle, just how he likes them. Cas sat up on Deans lap, his arms wrapped around Deans neck, kissing him once more. "So, shall we go to breakfast?" Cas asked.

"Yeah just let me take a quick shower and then we can head out." Dean said.

"Okay." Cas got up from Deans lap.

While Dean was taking his shower, Cas decided to search through Deans apartment. He figured that he didn't know Dean as much as he wants to. Deans apartment didn't really have a lot of necessities which was perfect to Cas. He liked the idea of having a simple life yet still be content and humble. Cas walked over to where the guitar laid on the floor from the night before. He smiled at the memory, when he fell in love with Dean.

The radio was next to the guitar. They had listened to the radio last night but Cas wasn't paying attention to the music. He was thinking about all that had happened to him. How much Dean made his life so happy and so enjoyable. He wanted everyday to be like this.

Cas walked out of the living room and into Deans bedroom. The bed looked like it had been used in the past couple of days judging on the wrinkled blanket that draped across the mattress and the fact that the bed wasn't even made. Cas decided to help Dean. He adjusted the blanket, flipping over the front of the blanket, to put the pillows down which were scattered around the room. Cas placed the pillows, which smelled strongly of alcohol, on the bed. He smiled at the made bed, pleased with his work. Cas turned away from the bed and faced a book shelf. Cas didn't know why Dean had a book shelf. He never did any work or go to any classes. But yet, the book shelf wasn't completely empty. Cas had recognized some of the books to be children's books that looked rather old and way too easy for even Dean to read. But most of the books, Cas didn't recognize. He pulled out a few of the books from the middle shelf and placed them on the bed. The books were music books. He pulled out every book that Dean had on the shelf and placed them on the bed. Soon, the bed was over flown with a plethora of books. Dean had all music books. Name any kind of music book, and Dean had it. Music Theory, The Beatles, The History of Classic rock, How to play Guitar for Beginners, The best Classic Rock songs of the 70's (and 80's of course.)Dean even had a biography of Elvis Presley. You name it, Dean would have it.

Cas put all the books back on the shelves. He put them back neater and more organized than how he found them. He walked out of the bedroom, heading towards the kitchen. As he passed the bathroom, he could hear the shower running. He could also hear Dean singing "Highway to Hell". He would sing at the singing parts and then mimic the guitar solos while pretending to play guitar with his leg. Cas leaned in towards the bathroom door, trying to hear Dean more clearly. Cas wanted to hear Dean as much as he could, even if It meant stalking him outside of the bathroom door. Suddenly, Cas heard the water turn off. Dean stopped singing and now started humming as he heard the shower curtain open.

Cas quickly ran to the living room. If anyone saw Cas listening to Dean sing in the shower, he wouldn't hear the end of it. Cas pretended to analyze Deans guitar as Dean walked out of the bathroom and towards Cas in the living room. He was wearing a towel around his waist and his hair was still damp.

"Enjoy your shower?" Cas asked, no longer looking at the guitar, but now looking at Dean.

"Yeah. I hope you didn't hear me singing in the shower. I do that sometimes and I can't help it." Dean said, running his hand through his hair, combing it down.

"Nope. I didn't hear anything." Cas said smirking but trying to keep his tone as innocent as he could.

"Okay cool." Dean said as he turned around, walking towards his bedroom. "I'm gonna get changed."

Cas nodded to himself.

Cas was staring at the floor, while he heard Dean mutter from the bedroom, "What the hell…"

Cas darted to the bedroom."What is it Dean?"

Dean scanned his bedroom. His face was in awe, and he was scratching his head, confused. "Why is it so…clean… in here?" He asked.

"Oh!" Cas said, excitedly. "I just figured you didn't have a lot of time to tidy up, so I just fixed the bed and organized your books. You have an amazing music book collection Dean."

Dean looked around the room again. "Wait, so you… did… this. You… cleaned…my room."

"Yeah." Cas was getting anxious. "Is there something wrong?"

"No." Dean said, not looking at Cas. "I like it. And I've never seen this dump so clean before. You enjoy cleaning?"

Cas smiled. "Well thank you and no. I just get kinda OCD about stuff in my own apartment but if it's someone else's place, I'm okay. I just thought it would be nice if you didn't have another task to do.

Dean put an arm around Cas and pulled him towards him. "Thanks, love." Dean whispered as he looked into Cas' eyes.

"It was all my pleasure, Mr. Winchester." Cas whispered back at Dean. "Now go get dressed."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Chapter 9! Thank you guys so much for reviewing. I cant tell you guys how happy they make me feel. And I seriously need cheering up for reasons. Sit down, Its story time. **

**So its the summer and my summer plans included Tumblr, writing, reading fanfic, watching re runs of Supernatural, visit my lovely friend Kate, Tumblr, write, write, sleep, write, tumblr, write. Kate and I have decided to go to a Supernatural Convention in Chicago this October and as some of you know, those things are pretty damn costly. So, I decided if I needed a shit load of money, I would have to get a job. And the only job I could score was...wait for it...babysitting. Now you might be thinking, "What the hell is the point to this story?..." or you might not even be reading this, but dont worry younglings, im getting to that. So I babysit these two kids, this 4 year old and 5 year old. Now these kids, are cute, as well as all children. But they are some vicious little things. I babysit twice a week for 8 1/2 hours each time. Like, thats not alot, anyone can do that, and I make some pretty good money. But IM TELLING YOU. These kids drain, suck, and sqeeze every ounce of life I had left in me. I havent written in weeks, I sleep 24/7, and I avoided going to a concert with my friend that just got home from Europe todaybecause I have to mentally prepare myself for babysitting tomorrow. Kids, they just need so much damn attention. So yeah, I think I am currently in a writers block but im going to go to a cafe on Thursday because I feel like I do my best thinking in weird ass places. Especially in places that serve coffee and pie.**

**So anyways, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Please review or else I will cry even more about my life...heh..**

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Dean and Cas went to a diner that was close to Dean's apartment. It wasn't so much a breakfast since it was about one in the afternoon so, Dean got pie. Cas got a bacon cheeseburger, his ultimate food weakness. They had learned a little more about each other over their meal. Dean learned that Cas used to live in California, until his family found out that he was gay. They made Cas pack up whatever he could fit into his car and take off to find a life by himself. Cas decided to move to Kansas because he thought that Kansas was simple, and anyways, he really enjoyed The Wizard of Oz. So, Cas found a small apartment and a job at the campus library to help pay for the rent. He told Dean that he didn't really talk to his family anymore, and he never really had friends back home in California, so moving to Kansas was a new start for Cas.

Cas didn't learn as much as he wanted about Dean. Dean told Cas about his job at the repair shop, and his love for music, but those things were obvious to Cas. He wanted to know more about the real Dean Winchester. In just the 2 days that he'd known Dean, he learned that underneath all of the rumors and his "tough guy" exterior, Dean was the total opposite of what Cas had expected. Dean was caring, passionate, funny, and not to mention beautiful. So Cas knew that there was something more to Dean. He just didn't know what yet.

They finished their breakfast. Cas didn't have a class until 6 that evening and Dean didn't bother to remember when his classes were, so they decided to go to Cas' apartment. Luckily, his apartment was only half a mile from Dean's apartment.

Cas lived in an apartment complex that was much nicer than Deans. Dean had figured that Cas had a decent amount of money as well as a decent job.

Dean followed behind Cas as he approached the door to his apartment. Cas pulled out his key, jammed it into the lock, and twisted open the handle, opening the door, revealing Cas' apartment. Cas walked inside and Dean followed behind him, his pace slower than before. The floor didn't creak as he stepped on it and the paint on the walls weren't chipped, like in Dean's apartment. Cas' apartment was vast. There was space to move around in it. Dean looked around the apartment, still barely entered through the door. It was definitely neat. There was a place for everything and everything was in its place. Dean's eyes met the living room. His eyes were quickly drawn to the small television that lay on a table with DVDs stacked neatly next to it. "You have a TV?!" Dean exclaimed as he ran towards it, placing his palm on the screen.

"Haha yeah. I knew you would be excited about that." Cas said as he kicked off his shoes and folded his jacket on a table next to the kitchen.

"Dude, this is awesome!" Dean said in a "sing-songy" voice.

Dean looked around the apartment again. Cas also had a radio, which was much newer than Deans. There was a couch sitting across from the TV. The couch had a book placed on it; the book was opened on a page with a bookmark in it.

"Oh." Cas sat on the couch and picked up the book. "I'm reading this now. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. You heard of it?"

"You think I would have…" Dean said with a smirk.

"Right." Cas said, wagging a finger towards Dean.

Dean continued to search through his apartment. Books were scattered everywhere Dean looked. Dean walked into a room which appeared to be Cas' bedroom.

The bed was made the exact same way Cas had made Deans bed. There was a desk across from the bed. The desk had a laptop on it, with something still on the screen. Dean pulled out the chair that was tucked into the desk and sat on it. There was a Word document on the laptop screen titled "Dean." Dean smiled at himself. He didn't know Cas was a writer, or that he wrote about Dean.

Dean started to read the document.

_Dean Winchester was a boy who I was warned about. When I first came to this school, the only name that was rumored and gossiped was Dean Winchester. And what I heard was not necessarily good things. So of course, I was hesitant when he approached me after my very first class here. I have to admit that he was cute. I spotted him when I entered the auditorium rather loudly. His head cocked towards me, his eyes stared at me. I couldn't help but stare back; I knew that there was something special about him. Something that all the other people here, failed to see. When he started talking to me, I let myself get lost in his words. He was beautiful and I knew by the way he looked at the ground shyly, he didn't know that he was beautiful. _

_You never know what's under the wrapping paper just by looking at the present as a whole. This could go the same way with people. You have to embrace the wrapping paper, slowly tearing it away as you learn more and more about that person. And then you are left with something extraordinary. The gift. The true self of that person. And in such a small amount of time, I saw Dean as himself. I don't know everything about him, but he is so much more than what everyone says. I am in love with Dean Winchester. Not the stereotypical Dean Winchester, but the real Dean Winchester. The Dean Winchester that saved me._

That was all that Cas had written. Dean shut the laptop and slowly rose from the chair. Cas really cared about Dean. In that one moment that they had talked, Cas had fallen in love with Dean. He knew who Dean really was and who he really wanted to be.

Cas walked into the bedroom as Dean pushed in the chair. "Oh damn it." Cas growled, wiping his face with his hand. "Please tell me you did not read what was on my computer."

Dean looked up at Cas, not saying a word.

"Well," Cas sat on the bed, folding his legs. "This is awkward, aint' it?" He smiled and looked up to Dean.

Dean sat down on the bed next to Cas, folding his legs the same way. His face was serious.

"Cas. I didn't know you could write." He said quietly, looking at his feet.

"Now you know." Cas replied quickly.

"Cas. That…" Dean looked up to Cas, fitting his hand into Cas' hand. "…That was beautiful."

"Oh shut up. It was crap and you know it." Cas scoffed. "But thanks."

Dean laughed. "No Cas I'm serious." He said as his tone got lower. "I loved it."

"Thanks Dean." Cas said before his wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and kissed him, gently pressing his lips to Deans, making sure he wouldn't fall over this time.

Dean pulled away from Cas. "Cas."

"Yeah Dean?" Cas opening his eyes again, smiling at Dean.

"Did you really mean everything you wrote about me?"

Cas leaned in, to whisper into Dean's ear. Dean leaned in as well.

"Don't ask stupid questions."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Please note I am a very sleep deprived person and I wrote this after a long hard day of children, swimming pools, a supernatural episode, and standing up in a bathroom for 2 hours trying to look somewhat presentable. So I am sorry for the randomness. I will return to myself hopefully by tomorrow... **

**My sleeping schedule has been so messed up. So this my children, will be the rest of my life. Sitting in my bed, eating popcorn and dweling on the fact that I still do not know what to do with my life. I shouldnt be worrying about this considering I still have many more years of school ahead of me but goodness, I dont know. I feel like I should have some coffee but I am going to a cafe tomorrow to write, and drink...coffee of course. heh. I have also realized that my bookshelf contains books that I havent even touched yet. They looked so cool in the store and I took them home and I still have to read them. But no my children, becasue that simply wont do and I must make my life as complicated as possible right? So yes, the books continue to sit on the shelves, gathering dust, while I must read hours and hours of endless fanfiction. But its for the best, right? I dont know why I am telling you these things. Maybe it makes this story more personal and can make us develop a profound bond. Oh yeah. The chapter.**

**So here is Chapter 10. I wrote this chapter in a cafe as well, hence the setting of this episode. **

**Please review so I can sleep tonight :)**

**Enjoy the chapter you sweet buttery popcorn balls! And as always, thank you endlessly for reading and reviewing.**

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Over the next month, falling in love with Cas was so effortless and new to Dean. He had never been this close to someone before, and the same could go for Cas. They were so comfortable around each other which allowed them to be themselves. Dean enjoyed this since Cas had such an amazing personality.

Dean and Cas had developed a routine that allowed them to continue on with their everyday lives and still let them see each other. The only class that Dean attended was 's class, the class where Dean and Cas met. Dean still hated the class but it was one of the only times in the day where Dean and Cas could be together. Dean introduced Cas to Adam, which was nerve wrecking for him. Adam seemed like the kind of guy where he would get suspicious easily. Adam seemed to like Cas, he didn't roll his eyes towards Cas, and so that was a good sign. Adam meant a lot to Dean, he was his only best friend before he met Cas. Dean still wasn't ready to tell Adam he was gay; he wasn't ready to tell anyone yet.

The routine still let Cas read and write as much as he wanted and it let Dean work at the repair shop so he could still afford his apartment. The first month with Cas was amazing. Dean hadn't been this happy ever and he didn't want it to end. Life with Cas seemed simple, just the way Cas liked it.

Dean woke up in Cas' bed. The window let warm sunlight seep into the room, making Dean go blind as he opened his eyes. Dean slept over at Cas' house since 's class had been canceled.

The bed felt awfully empty without Cas in it. Dean groaned and swung his feet on the ground, making the book shelf rattle. His fists clenched the white linen of the bed as he rose to his feet, yawning as he turned around to fix the bed sheets. Dean knew that Cas liked his apartment to be clean at all times.

The apartment was like a second home to Dean. Maybe even a first home since he liked it better than his own apartment.

Dean trudged to the kitchen, wiping his face to wake himself up. The apartment was silent. He approached the refrigerator, opened it and grabbed the half empty carton of orange juice that was sitting along with all the other food that Cas seemed to afford. When Dean closed the refrigerator, he noticed a small note hanging from a magnet.

_Dean,_

_I went to the café to catch up on my reading. Care to join?_

_Cas the Ass_

Dean smiled at the note. He pulled out a paper cup from the cabinet and poured the orange juice in it. As he put the carton back into the refrigerator, he laughed at the way Cas was. He liked the way Cas could just leave early in the morning to go and do whatever he wanted, like he didn't have a care in the world. As Cas would say, it was simple.

Dean quickly got dressed and went to the café where Cas was. Dean entered the café. He had never been there before, but this was definitely a place where Cas would be. There were tables and chairs everywhere, mostly taken up by other students who were reading or on their laptops. The faint sound of coffee brewing relaxed Dean. He breathed in the bitter sweet smell of coffee and chocolate as he walked by the counter. Dean searched the café. His eyes found Cas sitting at a table next to a burning fireplace. Cas was focused on his book, his eyes squeezed as he was thinking, his back was hunched over, and he was tapping his finger on the cover of his book, humming Hey Jude as he read. Dean approached Cas, sitting down in the chair in front of him. Cas looked up from his book, his eyes and back relaxing as he smiled towards Dean. "Hi," He said warmly, "Glad you could make it."

"Yeah." Dean said. "This place aint half bad. If only they had pie."

"You always want pie." Cas smiled at Dean as he handed him a 10 dollar bill. "But they have coffee. It's on me."

"Thanks Cas." Dean said as he took the bill and stood up. He walked to the counter and stared at the menu that hung above the coffee brewers. Dean never really liked coffee but he was still half asleep.

"Um I'll just have one of those caramel lattes or whatever." Dean starred at the desert case. His eyes caught a cherry pie, Dean's favorite pie. "And one of those pies. I love me some pie." He said excitedly, rubbing his stomach.

Dean walked back to their table with his latte and pie. "Cas!" Cas jumped by the volume of Dean's voice. Dean had never been to a café so Cas didn't expect him to know to be quiet.

"Shhh Dean. It's quiet in here for a reason." Cas said, pointing to his book.

"I know, I know. Sorry. It's just that, you were wrong. They do have pie here!" Dean sat down and pulled out his fork.

"I stand corrected." Cas said nodding.

Dean shoved half the pie slice into his mouth. His head threw back as he smiled, showing the cherry chunks in his teeth. "Tis ie his ah'ma-in!" He couldn't speak since there was no room left in his mouth.

Cas laughed. "Glad you like it!"

Dean kept stuffing his face with the pie. It wasn't long before the pie was finished and Dean was satisfied. He sat back in his chair, wiping crumbs of his shirt. Cas looked up from his book, and wasn't surprised that the pie was gone in less than three minutes.

"Enjoy the pie?" Cas said as he looked at his book again, humming Hey Jude.

"Yeah. That was some damn good pie." Dean said as he took a sip of his latte. He winced at the taste of it but he continued to drink it. "You like pie right Cas?"

"Pie is okay." Cas said as he focused on his book.

"Non believer." Dean whispered under his breath.

"I heard that…" Cas said smiling as he continued to read.

"Whatever."

Dean grabbed a magazine from the shelf. The café didn't have his favorite, Busty Asian Beauties, but he didn't expect a café to have that. He read the magazine, looking up at Cas every once in a while who was indulged by his book.

Dean was so invested in his article, that he didn't notice someone come up behind him until they tapped him lightly on his shoulder.

Dean turned around. She wore a bright yellow sun dress. Her hair was pulled back with a yellow bow. She looked rather happy to see Dean.

"Dean." She said with a smile on her face as she placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Lisa?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Lisa is finally here! I dont think im going to make her a bigger part in this story, considering that she is in Supernatural but she just comes and goes so her part in this story might just end in this** **chapter. **

**On another note, I have written three more chapters for this story so there is about 20 official chapters in this story so far and I have to say, this story is going places. Im not sure how to end the story, I have a couple ideas but it would take some more characters and events. So you could expect alot of chapters. Is that even a good thing? **

**I did not have the chance to publish a chapter yesterday so I am going to publish another chapter later tonight. **

**Enjoy Chapter 11 my spicy little chicken nuggets! And please dont forget to review! I love reviews so much, they just give me more fuel to write more chapters :) Also, Please suggest some characters I should add to the story. Maybe Sam, Bobby, Benny? **

**Enjoy! :) **

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"Li-,"Dean stammered, "Lisa? What are you doing here?"

"Well I could ask you the same thing." Lisa giggled, covering half her mouth.

"I'm here with my friend Cas." Dean looked towards Cas' direction, who was now staring at Dean as if he didn't know what to do. "Cas, this is my ex-girlfriend, Lisa."

Dean's palms started to sweat as he grew antsy in his chair.

Lisa nodded towards Cas. "Yeah Dean. I actually wanted to talk to you about that." Lisa said as she bounced on her heels, her hand was still on Dean's shoulder, making the rest of Dean's body tense and rigid.

"No." Dean's voice grew firmer. He was finally happy with Cas and now Lisa wanted to barge into his new life. Dean hated when the past would catch up to him.

"Dean. Come outside with me." Lisa stopped smiling and started to widen her brown eyes, as if to beg.

Dean looked towards Cas. His face was calm but his eyes were worried and confused. Dean raised his eyebrows to Cas, expecting Cas to save him from Lisa. "Go Dean. It's okay." Cas whispered quietly with a ghost of a smile.

"Damn it." Dean said under his breath. He got up and followed Lisa out of the café, leaving Cas alone at the table.

"What do you want Lisa?" Dean was serious now. He wasn't interested in what Lisa had to say to him. He just wanted to go back to Cas.

"Well you seem happy to see me." Lisa said, with her hands on her hips.

"Yeah well you were the one who broke up with me. Besides," Dean continued, pacing back and forth, "I've gotten over all that bullshit."

"Hmm." Lisa nodded at Dean's remark. "I was stupid to break up with you."

"Oh is that so?" Dean laughed sarcastically.

"Yeah. And anyways, Jared was a real jerk to me. He was the only reason why I broke up with you. And I ended It with him." Lisa bit her lip anxiously. She was casual about dating guys. She was never looking for anything serious so Dean knew that their relationship wasn't going to last long.

"That's fruity for you." Dean looked into the café window and saw Cas, still reading his book, as if nothing had happened. "So what are you trying to say Lisa?"

"I'm saying that I'm sorry. I want to be with you Dean." Lisa stepped closer to Dean. He could smell her fruity perfume that she always wore. Lisa gently touched Dean's arm, making her fingers dance over his fingers. She leaned into his ear, her lip brushing against his jaw. "I'll be real good to you Dean. I promise."

Dean stepped back. His eyes were shut in order not to show the fury in them. "You should go Lisa."

"Dean, what's wrong?" She ignored him as she wrapped an arm around his neck, brushing the hair in the back of his head with her fingers.

"Lisa," Dean grabbed her arm and threw it away from him. "I'm happy. I don't need this right now."

Lisa rubbed her hand, looking up at Dean. She was no longer smiling and her face was rather angry, like Dean had been the one to approach her. "Have you-"Lisa stumbled on her words. "Have you met someone new?"

Dean looked down at the pavement. He ran his fingers through his hair, brushing it away from his forehead. "Maybe." Dean's eyes skipped past Lisa and he was looking beyond her, out into the city where students rushed to their mid afternoon classes.

"Well." Lisa sighed. She adjusted her dress as she crossed her arms. "That great for you, I guess."

"I'm happy Lisa." Dean said instantly.

"And what? You weren't happy with me?!" Lisa cried, throwing her fists into the air.

Dean hesitated. He opened his mouth as if to say something but no words came out. He wasn't necessarily upset when he was with Lisa but Cas made Dean truly happy. Cas made Dean forget about his cruel past, and girls like Lisa, only made Dean entertained until he could entertain himself with a bottle of whiskey.

Lisa looked up, licking her lips to distract herself from crying. "You know what Winchester, have a nice life." She shoved Dean weakly. "Just call me when you finally appreciate who really loves you!"

Lisa stormed away from Dean, her heels clicking away into the distance, getting lighter as she walked farther and farther away. Dean scoffed at himself. He didn't care about Lisa, he loved Cas and he was sure as hell that he wouldn't let Lisa or anyone ruin that.

Dean walked back into the café. He sat back down at the table where Cas was reading, still, as if nothing had happened. Cas looked up at Dean, he was serious. "You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. No big deal Cas. Just some psycho chick." Dean said as he leaned back into his chair.

"Oh really." Cas lifted an eyebrow at Dean. "Because I was sure that I heard someone yelling outside."

"Again Cas, Psycho chick. Nothing I can't handle. And you seemed pretty fine with my ex coming back to seduce me or whatever." Dean said as he took a sip from his now cold, latte.

"Actually, I was freaked." Cas said, putting his book down. "I just trust you, that's all."

"Hm." Dean nodded. He was happy that Cas trusted him so much. "Let's go back to your place Cas."

"Can I finish my chapter?" Cas asked, smiling at Dean.

"Please Casssyyyy Please?" Dean begged.

"Don't call me Cassy!" Cas exclaimed. "I'd rather have Cas the Ass. But fine. Have it your way." Cas closed his book and pushed it forward, towards Dean.

Dean and Cas walked out of the café together. It wasn't the ideal date, and Dean felt guilty for it. He probably should've known that Lisa would pull a stunt like that.

Dean and Cas arrived to Cas' apartment. Dean threw his jacket on the couch, and sat down, clicking on the TV. Cas sat down next to him, putting an arm around Dean and yawning. They sat in silence as they watched a show that they didn't recognize. Dean didn't care which show he was watching. As long as he was watching TV, he was happy. Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder, taking Deans hand and folding his own into it.

Cas looked up at Dean who was focused on the TV. "Dean?" Cas yawned again.

"Yeah?" Dean looked down at Cas, smiling.

"I have a thought but it's crazy." Cas said as he fumbled with Dean's fingers.

"Shoot." Dean said with ambition.

"Well, I was thinking that it would just be nice if you moved in with me." Cas said shyly.

Cas moved his head up from Dean's shoulder. Dean adjusted his position, so he was now facing Cas, his legs crossed on the couch. "What?" Dean asked.

"I told you It was crazy." Cas said as he looked down at the couch.

"Just, why would you think about that?" Dean asked resting his head on his hand.

"Well just think about it. "Cas said now in the same position as Dean. "You spend more time here than at your own apartment. And we can both afford having a life together."

Dean widened his eyes. Cas was really serious about this.

"I don't know Cas." Dean muttered. "I'm a pain in the ass."

"Well so am I!" Cas exclaimed. He took Deans hand again, now rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb. "And just think about how nice it will be to wake up next to each other every morning!"

"You really want to do this, don't you?" Dean smiled at Cas.

Cas nodded franticly. "And the best part is, I have a TV. You've always wanted a TV!" Cas pointed at the TV that was still blaring in the background.

"Cas, I don't know." Dean said shaking his head.

Cas' smile disappeared and it was replaced with a blank stare.

"Why?" Cas asked, his voice was now a quiet whisper.

"Cas." Dean looked into Cas' blue eyes, getting lost in them as he spoke. "You know how much I love you. I just-. I don't know Cas. I've never gotten this close to someone before and I'm scared." Dean shook his head.

"Scared? Scared of what?"

"You just don't know everything about me Cas. And if I tell you, you're gonna leave me." Dean stared at his hand, it was fit into Cas' hand perfectly. Like they were made for each other.

"Dean." Cas said warmly. "I could never leave you. And honestly, nothing you could do would make me hate you or leave you. I also have secrets but we don't need to get ahead of ourselves. I just want you to be happy."

Dean looked at Cas. Cas was smiling at him, the smile that is too big for his face

"I'm so crazy about you Cas. I don't know what I'll do if you leave. " Dean said, smiling at Cas.

"Haha I could never leave your beautiful face!" Cas said, kissing Dean lightly on the cheek.

"Thanks Cas." Dean looked back down at their hands.

" So Dean, to properly ask you, Will you move in with me?"

Dean looked up at Cas. He smiled at him but was hesitant. Dean still wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do or not. Dean let out a huge sigh. He finally made up his mind.

Dean opened his mouth and let out his answer.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: God I love ending it on clif hangers. I just feel so evil and Crowley-like (MWAHHAAHHAHA YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT MY POWERS!)**

**But on other notes, This chapter is pretty short, only a page long. It was just a filler chapter in order for Dean to answer the question. **

**But I also gotta say, Chapter 13, god. That one was pretty hard to write. Its a pretty long chapter not to metion the start of where shit just goes down. Haha but yeah you will have to wait until after this chapter to get that chapter!**

**So please, my tangy butter nuts, Enjoy this short chapter. And also, review my darlings. So I can fist pump the air and head bang my head to ACDC with no regrets. (Doesnt that sound nice? That is why, my friends, why the great God/Chuck created reviews). **

**Okay on to Chapter 12! Enjoy! :D ALSO WE CANNOT FORGET THAT THE LOVELY JARED PADALECKI'S BIRTHDAY WAS TODAY SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THAT LITTLE ACTUALLY NOT SO LITTLE FLUFFY MOOSE.**

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"Dean." Cas chuckled. "Helloooo?" He waved a hand in front of Dean's face, snapping Dean out of his trance.

"What?" Dean's eyes widen as he stared at Cas.

"So what's it gonna be Dean? Yes or No?" Cas's voice had doubt in it, like he was expecting Dean to say no.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' neck, pulling into a kiss. "Yes" Dean whispered as he kissed him again. Cas kissed him back. Cas' made a grin that could've been big enough to connect to his ears. "So yes." Cas mumbled as he entwined his fingers in Dean's hair, making Dean moan.

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes." Dean grinned as he was gasping for air.

This was all happening so fast for Dean. His first real relationship and he was already moving in with the guy. Dean didn't think that was wrong though. He knew Cas was special and that Dean had saved him from something unknown.

Within the next week, Cas went all out to make sure that Dean would be happy to move in with him. He bought a bigger bed, enough to fit the entire University of Kansas. Cas said that he would sleep on the couch until Dean was ready to move. Cas was one of those people that wanted the first experience to be special, and that included sleeping in a new bed.

Dean had already signed his notice for his apartment. "Yeah." He said handing the contract to the landlord. "I didn't like this shit bag of an apartment anyways."

Dean scheduled his big move on Friday. It was Wednesday now. Deans old apartment was already packed up, his couch was sold, his clothes fit into one small box, and his guitar lay among where the rest of the boxes sat. He was too eager to wait until Friday, but Cas wouldn't let him move in early since he claimed to have a surprise for Dean that he simply could not spoil, as Cas would say.

Dean slumped on the brick wall, where his couch used to sit. He looked around the empty apartment, attempting to "take in his surroundings" just like they do in the movies. It was not as sentimental as he could've made it, because he wasn't exactly sad to leave his apartment.

Dean let out a huge sigh, "I'm gonna miss this place."

Dean sat still for a couple seconds, and then grinned to himself. "Yeah right."


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Welp. Chapter 13. Take a deep breath people. This one is a long chapter. And I have to say, writing this chapter, I just hated the way I had to write Cas but it had to be done for the story.I never want Cas to be hurt. **

**This chapter Is so long but I think I already said that three times. BUT ITS SO LONG. Its about 6 pages on Word. **

**So yesshhh I hope you enjoy it as well as the rest of the story. **

**So my sweet little chocolate crisps, Please review because my head hurts and everytime you review, Jensen Ackles comes into my head and soothes it with his heavenly voice. And everytime you review, anoher perfect human being just like Jensen is born and that can do the world good. **

**Okay onto Chapter 13! Enjoy!**

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It was Friday. Hopefully the best Friday that Dean would ever have. He woke up in his old apartment. His face was pressed against the cold wooden floor; his back was aching as he sat up. Dean had a long day at the repair shop so he passed out as soon as he got home on Thursday night.

Dean felt a piercing sensation as he stood up and walked to the bathroom. The bathroom was empty, probably the neatest it ever looked. He stared at his reflection in the mirror; his face was red from indentations of the floor. He felt something was jabbing him on his torso. Lifting his shirt up, exposed red splotches, covering his shoulders, his stomach, and everything in between. Splinters. "Damn it." Dean growled as pulled his shirt back over his body. He probably thought Cas was waiting for Dean to call; Dean would take the splinters out later.

After rinsing his face with cold water, Dean walked over to where the boxes were piled up. He grabbed his phone and clicked It on. Cas didn't call him. Dean realized that the time read 5:04 am which made him also realize that he only got two hours of agonizing sleep. He looked up from his phone, and stared at where he spent his two hours of sleep, tossing and turning, receiving more splinters along his torso. "Well, this is just peachy."

Dean decided to call Cas, despite his lack of sleep, and the time. Maybe Cas liked to wake up early and read or whatever. The phone rang twice, which almost put Dean to sleep, he was so tired. Cas answered the phone, sounding even more tired than Dean. "Hello." His answer sounded more like a greeting than a question.

"Cas?" Dean asked. It didn't sound like Cas on the phone.

"Oh. Dean. Hi." Cas muttered.

"Did I wake you up or something?"

Dean heard a loud burp through the phone. "I don't know." Cas answered.

"Um Cas?" Dean raised his eyebrows, scratching his head.

"Yes." Cas burped again.

"Are you okay?" Dean became nervous. He grabbed his coat and threw it on his body, sandwiching the phone with his head and shoulder.

Cas was silent.

"Cas." Dean's voice grew louder. He grabbed his keys that were on the counter and slipped on his boots.

"Dean." Cas replied. He seemed to have forgotten Dean's question.

"Cas, are you okay?" Deans voice was the closest volume to a yell. He wasn't angry at Cas, he was just worried.

"Hmmm." Cas stammered. "That's a good question Dean."

"Cas." Dean ran out of his apartment, forgetting to shut the door as he left, "I'm coming over."

"Sure Dean." Cas giggled as he burped again.

Dean heard Cas laugh on the other end as he hung up the phone.

Dean ran the whole way to Cas' apartment, exceptionally stopping for breath only once since he was seriously out of shape. When he approached Cas' apartment, the door was open half way. Dean entered the apartment, still gasping for air. "Cas?" Dean wheezed.

Cas moaned from his bedroom.

Dean made his way to the bedroom. There was an empty vodka bottle sitting on the couch, along with a couple of beer bottles. The apartment was not as clean as Dean was used to, which was strange because Cas always kept his apartment neat. Books were scattered on the floor, blankets and pillows along with the books. There was a bottle of beer on the floor, laid on its side, beer pooling around the bottle.

A red bow caught Dean's eye. On the table which held the TV, and DVD's and Cas' occasional random book, A record player sat among them. Dean walked towards it, and carefully placed his sweaty palm on the freshly painted side. The red of the paint perfectly matched the bow that was neatly wrapped around the bottom of the record player and brought up to the top, letting the string cascade down and onto the dials. Tied onto the fire truck red ribbon, was a note, neatly scribbled in Cas' hand writing.

_Dean,_

_Surprise! I knew how much you love music so I thought that this would be a good present for you. We can add more albums to our collection as soon as you move in. I hope you like the present. You mean so much to me so I thought to get something that means so much to you. _

_I love you Dean._

_Love,_

_Cas._

Tucked under the record player was a record, the blue edges peaked out from under the player. Dean slid the record out and marveled at the old vintage record, fairly used but in great condition. He knew that Cas loved only one song on that record, the one song that he hums, and the one song that Dean played to him when they first fell in love. The album was the Beatles 1967-1970. The album with Hey Jude on it.

Dean loved everything about everything. This was the surprise that Cas had been keeping from him and it was damn worth the wait. Dean was hypnotized by the record player, he loved everything about it.

Dean heard another moan come from the bedroom, which snapped Dean out of his trace. "Cas?" Dean croaked out.

"Yes Grandma. I'm in here!" Cas mumbled with another burp.

Dean walked away from his beautiful new present and entered the bedroom.

"Cas?"

Cas' body was spread across the floor, his back was facing Dean. Cas always seemed to look like he had just woken up, but now, he looked as if he had been running a marathon and fell asleep in his sweat dripped clothes. His hair was sticking out of his head, as if a five year old stuck hair onto his head with Elmer's glue and glued it on with no particular order. Cas moaned, his voice muffled by the carpet.

"Cas? Are you okay?" Dean stammered as he knelt down to Cas.

Cas moaned again. "Is that you, Grandma?"

"Cas. It's me, Dean." Dean groaned. "Look at me." Dean gripped Cas' shoulders and raised his upper body to face Dean.

Cas' eyes were half closed; he could see dark purple circles collect under them.

"Deannnnnn." Cas moaned, his eyes closed.

"Um Cas." Dean threw Cas on his shoulder and propped him up against the wall. Cas still slumped over as if he had no limbs. "Are you drunk?" Dean muttered, leaning against the wall next to Cas.

"Maybe." Cas laughed. "We should wait and see if drunk is what I am."

"Okay buddy." Dean adjusted Cas' position so Cas sat straight. "You are definitely baked."

Cas slumped on the wall again, his posture was now crumbling. "Baked? Like cake!" Cas muttered as he half opened his eyes again.

"Sure. How did you get drunk?" Dean asked Cas as he fixed Cas up on the wall again.

"I'm drunk?" Asked Cas.

"Yep." Dean said as he chuckled. Light was now coming into the room, making Dean realize how messed up Cas looked.

Cas looked up at Dean, his eyes opened wider. His eyes were stained red, making the blue eyes look lost, and dull. Cas sighed as he inched closer to Dean. Dean could smell his breath, it was seared with alcohol, which was not surprising to Dean.

"Oh." Cas said, sounding disappointed. His head sat on Deans shoulder.

"I'm guessing you've never been drunk before." Dean said, trying not to laugh at how ridiculous Cas acted when he was drunk.

"Nope." Cas sighed again, burping in the process. "My dad used to drink a lot and he was an asshole when he drank. He would say mean stuff, and he would hit me so I decided to stay away from drinking and shit."

Dean stopped laughing. "What?" Dean choked out. A knot formed in Deans throat, as he tried not to cry.

"Yeah. That man didn't give a rats ass about me." Cas said as he raised his head from Deans shoulder.

"Your dad hit you?" Dean looked into Cas' red eyes. Cas tried to look into Deans eyes, but they were disoriented and Cas just couldn't seem to sit still.

"Yes. I just told you that. Didn't I?" Cas replied.

Dean could never understand why Cas was so happy all the time. He was the last person Dean could ever think of to have a broken childhood like his own. Dean tried to remember that Cas was drunk, and that he was probably lying, but something in Cas' voice and in his face, made Dean positive that Cas was serious.

"No its okay Dean! Really!" Cas took Deans hand. "I've learned to deal."

Dean didn't want to have this conversation, especially since Cas was drunk and especially since Dean was supposed to move in today and everything was supposed to be perfect. "I'm sorry Cas." Dean said as he pulled Cas towards him, hugging him for what seemed like forever.

"Okay Dean." Cas giggled as he pulled away from the hug. He slumped back against the wall, staring at his book shelf.

"So Cas. Why did you get drunk?" Dean asked.

"Hmm?" Cas shut his eyes, his head bobbing back and forth, to imaginary music.

"What happened?" Dean also shut his eyes, he was still tired from work yesterday, and today wasn't going to be any better.

"Well," Cas stated, "If you must know, Adam stopped by last night."

Dean opened his eyes. Adam? Why would Adam go to Cas' house? And how did he even know where Cas lived?

"What?" Dean asked, biting the inside of his cheek. "He knows where you live?"

"That's what I thought." Cas said in a monotone. "He said that he saw me and you at dinner on Tuesday. And he followed us when we came back here."

Dean tasted the metallic blood that filled his mouth. "So he saw us at dinner. So what?"

"He saw us after dinner. Here" Cas burped again, humming to the music in his head.

Dean remembered part of what happened after dinner. They went to Cas' house, and listened to music.

"Okay. And what exactly did he see?" Dean kept his tone serious.

"Um." Cas seemed to fumble for the answer. "If I remember correctly, he said that he saw us kissing."

Shit. Dean felt like he was going to throw up. His breath escaped his lungs as they collapsed. His heart dropped to his stomach and made his spine lurch forward. Adam saw them kissing. Adam saw Dean. Kissing. Cas.

"Dean?" Cas stopped humming and turned to Dean, opening his red eyes again.

"You're serious?" Was all that Dean managed to get out.

"If I wasn't serious, would I be drinking myself to death?" Cas laughed.

Dean raised his voice. "I'm serious Cas! He saw us! He won't talk to me ever again." Dean slumped against the wall, just like Cas was.

"You don't know that Dean. He cares about you, obviously." Cas tapped his leg as he started humming again.

"If he saw us, th-"

Cas interrupted Dean. "He did though."

"Okay so he saw us. Why would he go to you if he could've chewed me out?"

"Sorry to burst your bubble Dean, but he hates me now. He said that I made you a fag and that I would go to Hell."

"Jeez. Cas. Don't listen to him." Dean choked out. He was short on breath, and he could seriously use a drink to get up to Cas' level of insanity.

"I know. I started to cry Dean." Cas burped. "I told him that I loved you and that you loved me. He said It was bullshit since you dated girls before."

Dean let out a gasp of air. "Is that all?" He hoped that was all the Adam did but of course, Dean was wrong.

"No." Cas said blankly. "Then Adam told me that he would make sure that I would never talk to you again."

"Please tell me that's all Cas." Dean shut his eyes and prayed for this story to end.

"No." Cas said again. "Then, he…" Cas had trouble to spit the words out. "he…"

"Cas its okay. I'm here. You can tell me." Dean whispered.

"Well." Cas said He seemed to be more awake and alert now. "I'll just show you."

Castiel stood up, and started un buttoning his light blue shirt. As the buttons started revealing his skin, Dean noticed that Cas' hands were shaking, not from the alcohol. When Cas took off the shirt, Dean realized what Adam had done. Covering Castiel's arms, shoulders, back, and chest, were bruises. There wasn't an inch on his body that wasn't covered in a reddish purple spot. Dean ran out of breath. He sat on the floor, staring at Castiel's splotched body, his beautiful body was now destroyed. Cas stood there, rubbing his arms where a purple, almost black, bruise was. "They still hurt. But I'm used to it." Cas admitted.

Dean started to cry. All this time he was at Cas' apartment, he had fought the urge to cry. But this time, this time he couldn't fight it. "Cas. That son of a-" Dean gasped as tearing were pooling in his green eyes, making his emerald eyes glossy.

"Dean it's okay." Cas stood still. He didn't sit down to comfort Dean. He stood idle as he continued to rub his arm. "I'm fine."

"Cas." Tears were now streaming down Deans face, curving around his jaw and dropping to the ground, only to hit his own leg. "You're not okay."

"I'm fine Dean." Cas raised his voice. He bent down to pick up his shirt, which Dean was clutching to his chest. Dean stood up, still clutching the blue shirt. He finally handed the shirt to Cas as he continued to stare at Cas' upper body.

"Cas." Dean couldn't manage to say anything else.

"Dean stop." Cas buttoned the shirt back up. "I told you. I'm used to it." Cas and Dean stood facing each other.

"Cas!" Dean gasped. "But the thing is, you shouldn't be used to it!" Dean yelled. He hated yelling at Cas but everything he did now, was without a thought. He didn't have time to think at a time like this.

"Well I am!" Cas yelled back. Dean had never heard Cas yell before. "So you can shut up about it."

Cas rubbed his fore head, which had beads of sweat collecting on it.

"Cas." Dean murmured as he hugged Cas, tightly. " I'm sorry. This is all my fault." Dean was still crying. His tears were soaked in by the cotton of Cas' shirt.

"No Dean stop" Cas said, his words were muffled by the leather of Deans jacket. "It's not."

Dean continued to cry harder. He knew it was his fault that this had happened to Cas. Adam was Dean's friend after all, and Dean was too big of a chicken to tell Adam that he was gay. If Dean had told Adam himself, at least Dean would get beat up instead of Cas, which he had to admit was a lot better. Dean had also taken a couple beatings from his father, so it was okay if Adam beat up Dean, as long as Cas was safe. "Cas?" Dean whispered, tears choking his breath.

"Yes Dean?"

"Thank you for the record player. I love it." Dean smiled weakly and looked up to Cas', wiping tears from his cheeks. "I love you Cas."

"I love you too Dean." Cas cupped Dean's face with his hands and kissed him slowly. Cas could taste Dean's salty tears as he kissed him.

They didn't speak for the rest of the morning. Dean kissed Cas again which silently let him know everything was going to be okay. It wasn't exactly the truth, since Dean knew that bad luck seemed to follow him everywhere he went.

Dean and Cas lay in Cas' new bed, attempting to fall asleep. Eventually, Cas did fall asleep, but Dean, he stayed awake, his thought protesting his desire to sleep. Dean knew that this was all too good to be true. He knew that this little fantasy with Cas wouldn't last long. He just didn't know that it would be interrupted by Adam.

* * *

Dean and Cas lay in that bed for the entire day of Friday. Dean didn't move in to the new apartment. They didn't get up to eat or go to the bathroom. They didn't even speak once to each other. They missed 's Creative Writing class. The Creative Writing class with Adam, sitting and waiting for Dean to arrive with Cas, like they do every week.

* * *

Dean and Cas lay in that bed for the entire day of Saturday. Dean still didn't move into the new apartment. The boxes still lay on the old wooden floor, waiting for Dean to pick them up, waiting to have a new home. They didn't get up to eat or go to the bathroom. They didn't speak to each other. All they did was swap glances at each other and stare at the ceiling. Adam called Dean's cell phone, but Dean didn't flinch or glance at the phone. He just let the phone ring on, until it was answered by his voicemail.

* * *

Dean and Cas lay in that bed for the entire day of Sunday. Deans apartment had gone over the notice date. It was no longer his apartment. Now Cas and Dean lived together, but Dean still wasn't moved in, if that even makes sense. They didn't get up to eat or go to the bathroom. But they spoke to each other. They spoke in soft whispers. Cas recited poems for Dean. Dean recited song lyrics for Cas. They continued to swap glances and stare at the ceiling as they spoke. Adam called again. Dean let his voicemail answer it again.

* * *

They lay in that new bed for days. Castiel wanted the first time they lay in that bed, to be special. The new bed had certain expectations that just couldn't be met. Cas didn't think that spending time with Dean in the new bed wasn't special. It wasn't happy. It wasn't the apple pie life that Castiel thought that the new bed or his new life would bring.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: So here is Chapter 14! This chapter is relatively short compared to the last chapter. Also for those of you who dont know, I am going away to camp for 2 weeks so that means I wont be able to publish new chapters for 2 weeks. Because of that, I will be posting 2 chapters a day for the majority of the week until I go to camp on Sunday. And since I love you guys so much, I plan to leave you guys off with a pretty huge cliff hanger so yay! **

**Anyways, I'll be posting two new chapters tomorrow! **

**So my little cheesy cabbage sprouts, Enjoy the chapter and please review. Everytime someone reviews, A new gay angel is born and sent down to earth upon us all to fall in love with its gay hunter and thus, will get married and rent a cottage in the woods to have babies and drink sparkling apple juice under the stars. Doesnt that sound magical?! **

**Onto Chapter 14! Enjoy :)**

* * *

Dean and Castiel finally agreed to eat something on Monday night. They had both lost all color in their faces, and they were both weaker than usual. Cas grabbed a pie that he was saving for Dean when he would move in, but that obviously didn't happen as planned. Cas walked over to where Dean was sitting up on the bed, shutting his eyes. He was probably thinking, since his face is scrunched up together, his jaw is tightened, and you can see the wrinkles on the corner of his face. Cas loved when he made this face, even though he made it for all the wrong reasons. Cas set the cherry pie on the bed, along with two plates, two napkins, two forks, and a knife. "I got cherry pie. I know it's your favorite." Cas said weakly. He was out of breath just by getting the pie and walking it over to Dean. "Thanks Cas." Dean replied, smiling at the floor, too weak to lift up his head. "Probably not the best thing to eat since we are on the verge of dying or whatever."

Cas smile weakly as he cut into the pie. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we haven't eaten in days. I can't even lift my damn head."

"I know. I just thought you would need some cheering up." Cas smiled as he handed Dean a plate with a slice of pie.

"Me?" Dean asked, eyeing the pie. "You're the one who got jumped by Adam. I'm fine."

Cas looked up, not looking at Dean. He looked annoyed for a second, and then he looked back down at the pie and smiled. "Yes well I told you. I'm fine. I'm used to it Dean." He continued to cut the whole pie into even slices, even though there was only the two of them eating it.

Dean stopped marveling at the pie and looked towards Cas. "So you meant everything you said?"

Cas laughed again. "Yes. Why would I lie about something like that?"

"You were drunk, Cas." Dean muttered.

"I know what I said." Cas replied, as he stuffed a forkful of pie down his throat.

"But you acted like it was no big deal." Dean said, he didn't eat the pie yet.

"Because it wasn't a big deal Dean." Cas replied instantly, like he was waiting his whole life to say that.

"Cas-" Dean growled.

"No Dean. Eat something." Cas interrupted.

"Not until you tell me why you don't think it's a big deal, Cas." Dean's face soured as he said his name.

Dean did get abused as a child, the same way Cas did. John would come home from a big case, drunk of course, as always. He would always find a reason to blame Dean for everything. Dean knew that everything was his fault, his dad was just making sure Dean knew that. John would then send Sammy to his room, no dinner, and start hitting Dean until his whole back would be raw flesh, and blood would be splattered on Johns hand and his belt. Dean got used to the beatings. They were happening so often, Dean would add them to his weekly routine.

Dean understood why Cas thought that they were no big deal. He just wanted Cas to see that he didn't deserve everything that he went through. Dean probably doesn't even know half of what Cas had to go through.

"Cas. Tell me." Dean repeated.

"Because Dean." Cas started to grow irritated. "I learned how to deal with it, and now I'm okay. I don't want my past to catch up to me Dean. I was finally happy."

"How did you deal with it?" Dean asked quietly.

"Why should I tell you?" Cas raised his voice again.

"Because I love you. I want to help you Cas. Let me help you." Dean picked at his pie with his fork.

"You'll leave me." Cas warned.

"I won't. Believe me. I need you." Dean raised his eyebrows.

"Dean, I can't tell you." Cas said, putting his plate aside.

"Why?"

"It's bad Dean. Very bad."

"Fine. How about this. I'll tell you what happened to me, and you tell me what happened to you."

"Dean. This isn't Truth or Dare. I'm serious."

"I'm serious." Dean grabbed Cas' hand. He didn't eat the pie yet. "If we're going to live together, then we need to be honest with each other."

Cas took a deep breath, now looking at Dean. His eyes were always this big blue ocean that Dean couldn't help but get lost in every time he looked towards Cas. "Fine."

"Okay. Here we go." Dean tried to chuckle but it ended up a wheeze and a cough. "This is the never ending story of Dean Winchester."


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: So the 2 chapters that are being posted today are pretty hefty. Like not the size of them, just the content and what Dean and Cas have to confess to each other. Writing the two characters that I love the most, and having them go through such hardships that no one should ever go through, It was kinda hard but im glad to do it since it will add so much sincerity to them and I think that alot of people can relate to what Cas and Dean go through in this story so I hope you enjoy that part :) **

**So please enjoy the next two chapters. And yesh, im sorry for like posting at the weirdest times. Like I posted at 3 in the morning last time which is not very convenient for you guys but hey, its a good time somewhere right? :D**

**So my juicy cherry drops, enjoy the chapters and again, review. For when you review, A clone of Jensen Ackles will be created and he will then come to your house and make you brownies and cookies and then he will play guitar for you while you knit in a rocking chair like a cute old married couple. **

**Thank you guys so much for reading this story. It really makes me happy and gives me motivation to write more. :)**

* * *

Dean told Cas everything. He told him about John abusing him. He told him about his self-harming and even about the mental hospital. The whole time, Dean sat rigid, stiff, and his face was emotionless. Dean did like to admit it, but talking about his past was harder than he thought. But he knew that at some point, his past would catch up to him. Dean finally finished. Cas stared at him, no emotion. It was strange to see Cas with no emotion; he was probably the most emotional person Dean knew.

"…and so um yeah. That's it." Dean scratched his head. "Any thoughts?"

Cas ignored him and continued to stare. His face was no longer emotionless, but now he possessed a smile. A smile that Dean had never seen before, and Dean thought that he had seen most of Cas' beautiful smiles. This smile was different. It showed happiness, but at the same time, it showed sadness. Dean was trying to think of how that could be. "Cas."

"Yes Dean." Cas continued to stare at Dean, his blue eyes were piercing now, and it made Dean feel like daggers were in his skin, ripping his flesh apart slowly, savoring the pain. Dean didn't know why Cas was staring at him. Maybe Cas thought that Dean was lying or that he was a freak.

"Do you have to say anything? Anything at all?" Dean said worried and anxious.

"Lift up your sleeve." Cas ordered, his voice was shaking as he tried to remain calm.

Dean shrugged and started rolling up both of his sleeves. He didn't have anything to hide anymore, at least from Cas. The fact that Cas knows everything about Dean, made Dean feel relieved. Like big weights that have been weighing him down, were finally off. And he was free.

Dean's sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. Cas took both of Dean's hands into his, pulling Dean's arms closer to him so he could see.

The scars on Dean's arms were faded, but they were still visible. The soft pink horizontal lines on Dean's arms sat there, just sat there. They didn't have a voice. They couldn't yell at Dean and say that he was worthless so you should make more of us to feel something. The scars were just…there. Dean had realized a long time ago that they meant nothing, that they didn't help anyone.

One scar, was redder and much bigger than the rest. "Tell me about this one." Cas said, pointing to it.

Dean looked at which scar he was pointing to. "Oh that one." Dean said as he sighed. "When I was 13, I tried to kill myself. Dad had beaten me the night before, and he was gone in the morning. Sammy was at the library. So I just did it."

Cas started to cry. "Why would you do something like that?" He choked through each breath.

" I was hopeless. I was ready to leave. And anyways, I probably lost so much blood from the beating that it didn't matter." Dean let his arms rest into Castiel's lap. Castiel was crying, his tears hitting Dean's arms.

"But you're beautiful." Castiel whispered. Cas let go of Deans arms and attacked him in a hug. Cas didn't let go of Dean. "Dean. No." Cas whimpered. The tears now soaking into Deans flannel shirt. "You can't leave me."

"It's okay." Dean whispered back. "I'm okay now. I won't leave you."

Cas huddled into the crook of Dean's neck, his body curled up into Dean's lap. "I don't know what I would've done without you." Cas whimpered, clutching Dean's shirt.

Cas looked up and Dean planted a kiss on his lips. "I'm here now. That's all that matters Castiel."

"I'm happy Dean. I'm happy." Cas smiled as he wiped a tear off of his cheek. "Now, Dean Winchester. It's my turn."


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: So this chapter basically reveals what Dean had saved Cas from, not that It wasnt obvious before...**

**Again, It was kinda heart breaking to write these amazing characters like this but I think it does amazing things for the story and for you guys (hopefully :D) **

**Enjoy the chapter! I think i'll post one chapter tomorrow and two chapters the following day. I am avoiding packing for camp effortlessly so that might mean writing more chapters! (wink wink) **

**So my fluffy lemon marshmellows, thank you for reading and please review, because then, Metatron will get stabbed in his EVIL LITTLE STUPID HEART BECUAUSE HE RUINED EVERYTHING.**

**Ahahh.. I obviously need therapy for all the Supernatural feels that explode constistantly in my heart.**

* * *

"Remember when you sang Hey Jude to me?" Cas asked Dean. He was still nuzzled up against Dean's chest. The pie was at the end of the bed; Dean's pie was still uneaten.

Dean moaned, happily. "Mhhmmm. Yes Castiel. I remember that."

"Remember when I said that you saved me?" Cas asked Dean. He was toying with the buttons on Dean's shirt, to keep him calm and busy.

"Mhhmmm. Yes Castiel. I remember that." Dean answered. "Saved you from what?"

"Well, I told you that I prayed for you, correct?"

"Yes. Why would you pray for me?"

Cas ignored Dean. "I said that I prayed to fall in love, correct?"

"Yes Cas." Dean answered. "Do you wanna tell me why?"

"Well, this is my story."

"Okay Cas. Shoot."

"You already know that I was abused. The same way as you." Cas held Deans hand in his own, calming him. "Dean."

"Yeah?" Dean was confused.

"We're the same." Cas said in a hushed tone, quieter than a whisper.

"What? How?"

Castiel rolled up both of his sleeves. His arms were covered in bruises and scars, just like Deans arms. "I used to self harm Dean. I tried to kill myself when I was 13. I went to a mental hospital and I got better, but I wasn't happy." Cas paused. He felt something drop on his head. He looked up and saw Dean, the bad ass Dean Winchester, crying. "Dean. It's okay. I'm okay. Just like you."

"How could you?!" Dean yelled.

Cas jumped. He sat across from Dean, leaving a good about of space in between them. "What?" Cas started to cry, making his blue eyes, shimmer like glistening water.

"You almost killed yourself." Deans hissed.

"Well so did you!" Cas screamed.

"But Cas," Dean stammered. He couldn't get the right words out. "You're you. My Cas."

"What's that supposed to mean!?" Cas grumbled throwing his fists into the air, waving them.

Dean looked up at Cas. His eyes were red and tears were gathered in them, and falling onto his cheeks, making his vision blurred and foggy. "You're Cas." It was all he could say. He didn't have the energy or the ability to say anything else.

"Um yeah. I knew that. Thanks." Cas scoffed, sniffing and wiping tears off his face.

"No." Dean muttered. "You're my Cas. You're happy all the time."

"Actually no. Nobody has the ability to be happy all the time. That's not true happiness."

"I can't believe it." Dean buried his eyes with his hands.

"Dean. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Dean smiled while he continued to cry. "I'm blessed."

"What? How?" Cas was confused.

"You're alive." Dean grinned.

"And you are alive too." Cas grinned back.

"You really tried to kill yourself?" Dean wanted to make sure that he wasn't dreaming.

"Yes." Cas replied.

"I'm so glad you're here." Dean said softly.

"Me too." Cas smiled at Dean who then threw himself towards Cas, kissing him hard. Dean never thought that anyone knew what he was going through but Cas lived it, he knew exactly how Dean felt.

It all made sense now to Dean. Cas prayed to fall in love so he would be saved. So he wouldn't want that urge to hurt himself again. Cas says that Dean saved him but really, Cas saved Dean. They both saved each other. And now, Dean knows that everything in his life, was supposed to happen, for this moment. To be completely fallen in love with someone you know loves you, because they have been waiting for you, and you have waited for them. Dean and Castiel were made for each other. They were made for this moment.

Dean and Cas lay in bed that Monday night. Dean finally ate his pie, which he admitted, was delicious and was hard to resist.

Dean and Cas lay in bed that Monday night, in each other's arms. Dean stroking Cas' hair, Cas stroking Dean's arm. They knew, from this point on, everything was going to be okay. Eventually.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: So Chapter 17! This chapter along with the next chapter annoys me alot. I just hated the way this character acted and I dont even know why I made him like this. I think it was for conflict and it will add to the ending. I planned out how this story is going to end, I just need to find a way to make it realistic.**

**So my sweet little pumpkin dumplings, enjoy the chapter! And please review because everytime you do, Misha Collins will put on the trench coat and become Castiel for a day. Then, he will fly out to heaven and use his puppy dog eyes and smile which will bring peace among heaven, hell, and earth. And everyone will be happy for that day, all because of you. See what you did?**

**Okay Enjoy the chapter and thank you so much for reading! **

* * *

By the end of Friday, Dean was fully moved into Cas' apartment. They had set up a corner in the living room, where Dean's guitar laid and Cas' favorite book collection sat. It was a little piece of each of them, together. Dean hadn't spoken to Adam since he found out he had hurt Cas, which was fine with Dean.

Sunday evening came by. Dean and Cas' routine stayed the same as when they were not moved in together. Cas usually liked to spend his Sundays studying or reading and Dean liked to work at the repair shop with Bobby. Sundays for Cas and Dean were not the best day of the week but they would always spend dinner time together, eating whatever one of them cooked, then watching random shows on their TV that Dean had named Ash. This Sunday, Cas was making dinner, since he was the first to arrive home.

Dean was sitting in the living room, practicing guitar. Hey Jude was playing in the background on Dean's new present. He hummed along to it as he was plucking the guitar strings. As he was fumbling to reach the guitar pick that fell on the carpet, two short knocks sounded on the door of the apartment.

"I'll get it." Cas said as he walked towards the door. Another knock came along, faster with more force.

"Okay okay! I'm coming." Cas skipped each step to get to the door.

Dean heard a loud sigh coming from Cas as he opened the door.

"Oh it's you. Hi." Cas said resentfully.

"Is he here?" A voice said forcefully.

"Adam." Cas growled, stepping in front of Adam, blocking his path. "You should go."

Adam leaned in his head through the door to find Dean staring at him, blankly.

"I knew it." Adam scoffed.

Dean stood up, placing the guitar on the couch. "What do you want?"

"I went to your old apartment but it was empty. You haven't answered my calls in weeks. But obviously, you were busy with this." Adam said as he patted his hand on Cas back, making Cas furious but also nervous.

"Gee I wonder why." Dean raised his voice. He walked up to Adam, looking him dead in the eyes.

Adam sighed. "Winchester-"

"Dean." Dean corrected him. "You can't call me Winchester."

"Fine." Adam grunted. "Dean, You need to get your shit together man."

"It was. Until you came here and ruined everything."

"I was helping you Dean. You don't need him to screw up your life. Lisa wants you back and you're here screwing him?!" Adam was yelling.

"You don't get it!" Dean grabbed Adams shoulder, pushing him against the wall. Adams head hit the wall, making the sound reverberate throughout the apartment.

"Woah woah woah Pinkie." Adam chuckled. His eyes were closed yet he still held a smirk on his face. "Don't get your panties in a bunch."

Dean kept his grip on Adam. His face was emotionless but inside, he was ready to punch Adam. "Unless you want to scrape your own guts off the walls," Dean grunted. "Get out. And don't ever talk to me again."

Dean released Adam from the wall. Adam stumbled forward, trying to regain his posture. "Dean" Adam said softly. He was relaxed, since he wasn't really intimidated by Dean. "Let's just talk about this. I'm trying to help you."

Dean stepped towards Cas, who backed up from his original spot, but was calm and content. "Well whatever you say," Dean spoke with staccatos inserted in every syllable. "You can say in front of Cas and me."

"Seriously." Adam laughed. "You're so protective over your boy toy, Dean."

"Shut up Adam." Dean hissed.

"No no." Adam chuckled. "Don't mind me! Ya' know, I can't get in the way of true love!"

Dean huffed a big breath of air. He was done with Adam. "That's it!" Dean yelled. He shoved his fist into Adams jaw, making Adams face throw backwards as his body hit the ground. His body slumped on the ground, unconscious and bloody.

"What. The. Hell." Cas whispered.

Dean stepped back as he cracked his knuckles. He didn't want to punch Adam. Or if he did, he didn't want to knock him out. But he couldn't hold it in. Adam hurt Cas and Dean wanted revenge.

"Hah…" Dean gasped out. "That felt good."

"I bet." Cas grunted.

Dean sighed. He kicked a foot at Adams limp shoulder. "So, what now?"

"Well I don't know!" Cas shook his head, as he rubbed his eyes frantically. "I've never done this before!"

"Me neither." Dean kept his voice low. He was calm. After all, he felt pretty damn good about punching Adam.

"I guess we can put him on the bed until he wakes up." Cas suggested.

"Nah." Dean waved a hand in the air. "Leave him on the floor. He deserves it."

"Dean!"

"What? He hurt you."

"Yeah but I feel bad! Nobody deserves pain, and you know that." Cas said. He laid his hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Leave him there." Dean walked away from Adams body.

Cas groaned. If he were strong enough to carry Adam on his own, he would. But, he knew Dean wouldn't help him carry Adam.

"Dean." Cas complained.

"Cas." Dean said, mimicking Cas' tone. He was on the couch now, playing guitar, as if there wasn't an unconscious Adam on the floor of their apartment.

Cas groaned again. "Ugh." He walked back to the kitchen to continue making dinner.

They carried on with their Sunday evening. The left the record player spin, the humming of the needle brush again the record kept Dean calm. They ate at the table, watched a random show on Ash the TV, and Dean even played a song for Cas on his guitar.

The room felt different that night, awkward. The silence was filled with more silence. But Dean and Cas didn't speak another word about Adam. Adam arriving to their apartment didn't matter to them. It was as if Adam never came.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: So I was all ready to post those two chapters that I promised you guys yesterday but then I realized that theres only like 2 or something chapters left until the big cliff hanger so I just want to be consistent with my postings. So, I will spilt the last chapter between tomorrow and Saturday :)**

**But luckily, today you guys get a chapter! Currently, I am at a cafe and you guys always know, I do my best writing in cafes and weird places like that so you guys can expect alot of chapters for when I come home from camp.**

**Which brings up another point, I may be starting another story soon. I feel like I should start it after I get home from camp so then we could avoid a whole clump of chapters not being relevant to the rest of the chapters. And I also feel like I should finish this story first before I start a new one. I dont know. I might write the rest of this story and continue to post it while I write another story but not post it until im done posting this story. Why am I even typing about this? You guys dont want to hear this, you want the chapter!**

**Okay you demanding little coffee nuts, enjoy the chapter! And please review because I WILL GIVE YOU UNDYING IMMENSLY GREAT LOVE BECASUE YOU ARE A REVIEWER AND I LOVE YOU. **

**Onto Chapter 18!**

* * *

Dean woke up on Monday morning next to Cas. The room was dim and the air was filled with dust, floating around and sticking to the inside of Dean's throat. Dean groaned, his head was fuzzed with random thoughts that didn't matter to him, but he thought about them anyways. He had forgotten about Adam until Cas woke up and moaned, "Adam is in our apartment, Dean."

Dean wiped his face with his rough hands which only brought more dirt into his eyelids. "You get him."

Cas groaned as he swung his feet off the bed and onto the floor. "Dean," Cas mumbled. "He might not even be up. Or he could've left."

"Whatever. He can rot there if all I care." Dean sat up and stretched the ache that lingered in his spine. The ache always formed after Dean worked at the repair shop. He was used to it but today, it was burning in his back, spreading to his neck.

"Dean." Cas attempted to protest, but was too tired to try. "I'll see if he's awake."

Cas left Dean in the room. Dean didn't hear anyone speak for a couple seconds. Then, faint voices arose from the kitchen.

"Hello." Dean heard Cas say.

"Oh goody. It speaks." Adam cooed.

"How is your head? I'm sorry about Dean. He can do things without thinking sometimes." Cas said, ignoring Adams comment.

"Oh I'm swell." Adam muttered.

"Can I get you anything else to eat?" Cas asked politely.

"Shut up Cassidy."

"Actually," Cas said shyly, "Its Castiel but you can call me whatever you want. It's fine."

Dean walked into the kitchen. Adam was propped up on a bar stool. He had a bruise from when Dean hit him, which pleased Dean slightly. Adam had a piece of Dean's pie on a plate, half eaten. Cas had already started making breakfast.

"What the hell Adam?" Dean growled, rubbing the dirt out of his eyes.

"Good morning to you too Pinkie." Adam smirked.

"Why are you eating my pie?" Dean's voice was faint, but firm.

"You seem to be good to men, Dean. I thought you wouldn't mind. After all," Adam continued, "You knocked me out. It's the least you could do." Adam shoved another fork load of pie into his mouth, chewing it slowly.

"You need to leave Adam." Dean hissed, pulling the plate away from Adam.

"Now hold on, Sunshine" Adam chuckled. "Your boyfriend over here is making me some breakfast."

Cas turned his head to face Dean and Adam. "He can stay for breakfast if he wants to." Cas continued mix pancake ingredients together.

"Cas." Dean protested.

"No no no! Pinkie, Cassidy here wants me to stay!" Adam interjected, wagging a finger in Dean's face. "Cassidy, tell Pinkie here that I should stay."

Cas looked towards Dean, his eyes wide open, looking as if he was begging for Adam to stay.

"Cas. Bathroom. Now." Dean grabbed Cas' arm, making his way to the bathroom.

"Okay boys," Adam laughed. "But remember, keep the door open!"

Dean ignored Adam with another groan followed with a sigh. Cas stepped into the bathroom with Dean, closing the door behind him.

"What's your problem?" Cas' eyebrows scrunched together as he titled his head in confusion.

"My problem? What's yours?" Dean whispered so Adam wouldn't hear them. "First he punches the shit out of you and now you want him over for breakfast? We might as well braid each other's hair and make matching friendship bracelets."

"Dean." Cas complained. "You punched him too. I'm just trying to be nice."

"He's being a douche bag. And I want you safe. He's not staying over until I'm dead."

"Dean. I just want your friends to like me." Cas looked at the floor.

"He's not my friend." Dean muttered.

"Yes he is Dean. I don't want to be the reason why you won't talk to him."

"You aren't the reason Cas." Dean crossed his arms over his chest. "He doesn't like that I'm gay. That's all."

"You sure?" Cas asked, his head still tilted.

"Positive." Dean opened the bathroom door.

They walked back into the kitchen and found Adam with his feet on the counter.

"You need to go Adam." Dean growled.

"Woah Pinkie. I thought I was getting breakfast." Adam looked towards Cas. Cas turned his head and faced the sink.

"Deans right." Cas whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Oh no." Adam said. "Don't you worry your little head Cassidy! I'll be back for dinner!" Adam stood up from the stool and started walking towards the door.

"Don't ever come back." Dean said. He stayed in the kitchen, staring at Adam, waiting for him to finally leave.

"We'll see Pinkie." Adam muttered, a smile was stained on his face. "Oh and don't forget to clean up the blood on the floor."

"Thanks."

"You're always welcome sunshine!" Adam laughed. "And Cassidy, good pie! I bet the whole campus would love to hear about Dean and Cassidy and their amazing pie."

"Thank you Adam." Cas said obediently.

"Adios losers." Adam chuckled.

The door finally closed, and Adam was gone.

Dean turned to Cas who was making pancakes on the griddle.

"So what, he's gonna tell everyone?" Dean asked.

"I don't know." Cas answered.

"Perfect." Dean muttered.

"Was that sarcastic or real?"

"I don't know. Let me know if there's a difference." Dean sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. A soap opera was playing, one of Deans guilty pleasures.

"Hmm." Cas didn't know what that meant.

Dean and Cas stayed in the apartment all day, watching soap operas and eating pie. Adam didn't come back for dinner. Dean and Cas didn't know what to do next. Frankly, they didn't want to know.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: So this is it. This is the last chapter for 2 weeks. EVERYONE PLEASE REMAIN CALM AND BREATH DEEPLY FOR THERE SHALL BE A HUGE CLIFF HANGER. Okay, is everyone good? Good.**

**I have been planning to leave off on this cliff hanger for a while now and now since its finally here, Im so excited. I feel like once I get back from camp, the story is just going to pick up and go so many different places. **

**I would have posted yesterday but I didnt feel like spiliting a semi short chapter into two chapters. **

**Since I will be gone for 2 weeks, When I get back (Which will be the evening of August 9th) I will post a bunch of chapters to make up for them. AND IM ALSO GETTING A NEW LAPTOP FOR MY BIRTHDAY WHICH IS THE 12TH SO GUESS WHO IS GOING TO BE NON STOP WRITING?! (THIS GIRL) **

**But alas, I must go. I have to go to camp. And I will probably just be reading and writing short stories when im there because, Hell, theres nothing to do there and I am really soically awkward. I mean just ask anyone! So yes, I must leave now. I will miss all of you so much. You guys make me so happy. *sniff sniff***

**Okay my little cake bubbles, enjoy the chapter and please please review so I can be pleasently surprised at all of you amazing reviewers when I get home from camp :D**

**Chapter 19! See you guys in 2 weeks!**

* * *

"Cas. I'm not going in there." Dean protested. They were standing outside of the lecture hall, where Mr. Uriel's class was held.

"Dean." Cas interjected, crossing his arms. "We're already ten minutes late. We don't have to sit next to Adam."

"Damn it Cas." Dean huffed as he kicked the wooden door open.

The class hadn't started yet. Mr. Uriel wasn't sitting on the stage in his usual spot; there wasn't even a PowerPoint presentation on the screen that looked upon the auditorium.

Dean kept his head low as Cas guided him down the stairs in search of seats.

"Pinkie!" Dean heard a voice call out.

Dean rolled his eyes, his head still low. "Damn. It. Cas." Dean repeated, making the words choppy and ruff.

"Just ignore him Dean. It's okay." Cas attempted to comfort Dean.

"No Cas." Dean grunted. "I'm done with this bullshit."

Dean lifted his head, craning his neck. He had no expression on his face, just the hidden rage that boiled inside of him, making his stomach churn. The voice was Adams'. Dean looked his way, not surprised to see an evil grin spread across his face.

"Adam. If you want to avoid a new face rearrangement, I suggest you come outside with me." Dean's tone was firm, but Cas could tell his voice was shaking with fright. Cas stood behind Dean, partly protected by Dean's wide shoulders. The other students in the auditorium turned their heads to face Dean, whispering and giggling to their neighbors.

"Let's do it. Winchester." Adam barked. His smile was sinister; one corner of his mouth grinning more than the other until he broke it to laugh manically.

Adam followed Dean outside of the auditorium, leaving Cas by himself.

Dean turned to face Adam, who was seemingly enjoying this.

"What's your problem Milligan?" Dean roared. "I thought we were friends."

"Yeah. But that was until you got turned by that gay angel of yours." Adam was relaxed talking to Dean.

"Don't you dare talk about Cas like that. You can mess with me all you want, just don't mess with him."

Adam crossed his arms and shifted his hips. "All I'm wondering Dean, Is why? I thought you liked girls."

"Apparently, I like both." Dean grinned.

"Lisa totally wants you back though! That bitch went to my apartment and told me you found someone new."

Dean cringed at the thought of Lisa. He had forgotten about his confrontation with her at the cafe until Adam mentioned her name. "I don't care about Lisa." Dean assured.

"Dude, the hottest girl in the school is practically falling at your feet and your screwing that clown?" Adam pointed his finger towards the auditorium.

"Shut the hell up Adam." Dean hissed. "Don't talk about Cas."

"Well someone obviously should." Adam grumbled. He leaned against the wall, making Dean more tense. It bothered Dean that Adam was so rude towards Cas. Cas had been nothing but nice to Adam and yet, he was still treating Cas like he was the world's most egotistical person.

"What are you talking about?" Dean let out a weak laugh, attempting to cover up the anxiety and anger that flood inside of him.

"I'm sure the whole campus would love to hear about the gay clown that turned the famous Dean Winchester. You could be legendary." Adam sneered.

"You son of a bitch." Dean growled. "So you would turn on me just because I'm gay?"

"Bingo was his name-o." Adam snapped his fingers as he chuckled.

Dean's breath shortened. His stomach knotted up, twisted, and balled into every which way it could possibly go. Dean and Adam had been friends since high school, and now, Adam didn't care whether or not he was friends with Dean.

"Go to hell." Dean whispered. "You can rot in hell for all I care. Because nothing in this world will take me away from Cas. Nothing. Not you, not Lisa, not even my own family. Because Cas is my real family. You know nothing about us, and you never will. Because you're to screwed up to even notice one thing about me. So you can walk into that god damn auditorium and you can screw with everyone silly. Hell, you can even screw with me. But if you lay one single damn finger on Cas, it'll be the last god forsaken thing you ever do. I would die for Cas. And that is something I know I would never say to you because I knew that you never cared about me. So go ahead, do whatever the hell you want. But I love Castiel, and you can't change that."

Adam looked puzzled. He stared at Dean as if he was staring at a lost puppy. Dean saw sorrow, pity, shame, and most of all disgust in Adam's eyes. Adam broke his stare and chuckled. "Fine. Bye Dean. Have a nice life."

Adam patted Dean on the shoulder and walked away, into the auditorium. Dean leaned against the wall and slid down on the cold tile floor. His mind was fuzzed with thoughts about what had just happened. Dean's lungs seemed like they gave up on being lungs as they fell to his stomach. His breathing increased as it was becoming hard for him to breathe. His body was shaking, his head dizzy and light. Trying to grab onto something, anything, to steady himself was just impossible. He needed to calm down, just to walk into that auditorium and be strong for Cas and let him know everything was going to be okay.

Dean stood up on his feet, shaking his head in order to regain his mentality. Sweat was dripping down his forehead, staining his shirt as he wiped it off. _Calm Down._ He told himself. _For Cas. I need to be strong. For Cas. For Cas. Cas._

His body felt heavy as his head felt light. Dean ran his hand through his short sandy hair. His mind was whirling with thoughts. _Cas. Adam. Cas. Adam. Cas. Cas. Cas. Whiskey. I need a drink. I need anything. Cas. Adam. _ Dean walked in the hallway, his vision was clouded with tears. He wasn't sure of where he was walking to.

Dean's hand caught onto the auditorium door handle. He grabbed it tightly, his hand was slipping from it because of all the sweat that was now on the handle. The cold metal of the handle made Dean's hand tingle as well as the rest of his body.

All Dean wanted was to get to Cas. But he couldn't think now. The thought of losing Adam, the thought of losing anyone was life destroying to Dean.

_Oh God. I can't breathe,_ Dean thought. His hand was still gripped to the handle. His feet were quivering, which made him tumble over, back onto the tile floor. _I just want to die. Let me die. I want this to be over._

And then, everything went black.


	20. Chapter 20

**Authors Note: Oh hello! GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM CAMP?! AND GUESS WHO'S WRITING THIS ON THEIR NEW MACBOOK AIR?! (If you haven't guessed yet, its me :D) **

**So yes! I have returned and I am super eager to give you guys this next chapter. I hope that the cliff hanger that I left you guys off with was life destroying :) Hah...Im such a mean person. Just kidding on the whole "life destroying" thing. You guys probably forgot all about me...*sniff sniff***

**If you were so inclined to wonder how camp was for me, it was good. I love the camp but the people there are such air heads sometimes. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT NO ONE KNOWS WHAT FANFICTION IS?! Tsk tsk...I was so ashamed at the world for that moment. **

**So please enjoy the new chapter and I think I will post two chapters tomorrow if I have the courage to get out of bed tomorrow. **

**And my flaky bread bites, please review. I love reviewers and i just want to be sure that none of you left me while I was gone :) **

**Here's Chapter 20!**

* * *

Dean woke up to the sound of beeping. The constant, ongoing beep that penetrated his mind, made him growl. His head was still fuzzy.

"Cas?" Dean choked out. He didn't know where he was. He didn't know where Cas was either.

Dean looked at his arm and injected into it, was an IV than was pumping whitish yellow liquid into his body.

"Cas?" Dean choked out again.

Dean was strapped onto a hospital bed. _Hospital._ Dean thought._ What the hell? What happened? I need Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. _

The beeping continued, the high pitched sound gave Dean a headache.

The door open and Cas walked inside holding a plastic cup filled with water, which gave Dean a sigh of relief. "Dean." Cas smiled. "You're okay."

"Yeah." Dean coughed out. "But you, not so much." Cas looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks. His hair appeared as it was tried to be combed but it still lacked a certain amount of control. His eyes were red, making the sapphire blue eyes look radiant and glowing, for all the wrong reasons. Dean recognized that he was wearing the same clothes he was wearing at the class, when Dean confronted Adam. Adam. He had forgotten about what had happened.

"Don't worry about me, Dean." Cas said in a monotone. "I'm here for you."

"Speaking about that," Dean sighed. "What happened?"

Cas set the cup of water on the table that stood beside the beeping machine and sat down at the end of the bed, stroking the back of Dean's hand. "Yeah. You went to go talk to Adam about…you know."

"Yep. Go on." Dean nodded, making his headache more intense.

"And I don't know. Adam walked into the auditorium. And I knew you were with him so I got worried. I figured you wanted some time you yourself since I heard someone yell 'What's your problem Milligan?' Blah blah blah." Cas smiled weakly, making his blood shot eyes wrinkle.

"I remember talking to Adam. I just don't remember walking back into the auditorium or the class. Not that I would have remembered the class."

Cas kept his ghostly smile on his face. "Dean. The thing is, you didn't walk back into the auditorium."

Dean's eyes widened as he frowned in confusion. Cas looked down at the bed covers that had a depressing shade of blue, which somehow matched the certain shade of Cas' eyes at that moment.

"What do you mean?" Dean muttered, his breath was heavy, but quiet.

"Take it easy Dean." Cas whispered as he continued to stroke Dean's hand.

"What happened?" Dean demanded.

"Well, I heard someone fall outside of the auditorium, so I ran outside and I found you on the floor. You were sweating a lot, and I didn't think it was normal to sweat in an air conditioned building in the middle of winter so I concluded it to be a small sign of a high heart rate. Your face was pale, and your body was limp. I was so scared Dean." Cas bit his lip.

"Wait wait wait." Dean gasped for breath. "So what happened to me? Why am I in the hospital?"

"You had some sort of a panic attack or mental breakdown and passed out Dean. I guess you were extremely nervous or scared."

"I wasn't scared." Dean protested.

"I am not familiar with these breakdowns, nor have I experienced one myself, but I believe it to be because you were under some serious pressure, or you had a lot of things on your mind. Maybe losing Adam was too hard for you to handle and it happened too quickly."

"A…mental…breakdown." Dean grunted.

"Yes Dean. The doctors gave you some drugs to keep you calm. I think you should take it easy. You put way too much pressure and pain on yourself that no one can possibly handle. I just don't want to see you get hurt again, it was scary Dean. I thought you died." Cas continued to stare at the bed cover, he blinked nervously as he was thinking about how he found Dean on the floor, unconscious and probably dead.

"I'm sorry Cas. I didn't mean to scare you. I just couldn't help it. It was damn scary though." Dean admitted.

Cas looked up at Dean and smiled. "You couldn't help it. But I just don't want this to happen again. It scared us both too much."

"What are you trying to say?" Dean murmured.

"Maybe you should go see a therapist or something." Cas suggested. "I don't want you to get worse and I hear some people go crazy with these mental issues."

Dean scoffed. "I don't need to see a therapist. I'm fine."

"Dean. I think it would help." Cas kept a plastered smile across his face. It was obvious that he was scared beyond belief, but he wanted to stay strong for Dean, so Dean could be happy and not be worried about him.

"Let's just go home, have a normal life, and if it happens again, then I'll go to a therapist."

Cas bent down and lightly kissed Dean's forehead. "Thank you, Dean."


	21. Chapter 21

**Authors Note: I am only going to post one chapter a day or every couple of days. Not being able to write for 2 weeks kinda puts me in a writers block so I am going to just post the chapters I have already written and I will try to write more on Thursday when I go to a cafe. Again, I do write my best in really weird places. The majority of this story was written in cafes. **

**So yes! I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter yesterday and for those of you who thought I was going to kill Dean, I am not that mean of a person! Shameeee I say. Shame. And anyways, this story still has alot of stuff going on and it would be evil of me to just end it like that. And I like Dean :)**

**A few notes about this chapter. First of all, I was just laughing out loud as I was writing this chapter because of the way Dean acts. I loved to show a "fangirly" side of him. And for those of you who dont know, Jensen Ackles played Eric Brady in Days of our Lives so I wanted to play with that fact a little bit. And since Days of our Lives happens to be one of my many guilty pleasures...shush. Dont tell anyone :D**

**So my little crispy cookie crumbs, I hope you enjoy the story and as always, please review because then I will be forevermore happy and I will eat salad thinking about you guys and how reviewers make salad taste good. I dont know, I just really like salad, so why not make it taste better? Since it is a little past 2 in the morning, I have obviously gone over the insanity limit for tonight. **

**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It means the world to me. So here's Chapter 21! Enjoy!**

* * *

Dean had checked out of the hospital in a few short days. The doctor gave him prescription medicine in case he would have small panic attacks again, to calm him down and make him pass out instantly. Dean refused to take the drugs home with him, but Cas pleaded him, and of course, Dean couldn't say no to his puppy dog face. Dean had came to the conclusion that the drugs home would be forever in the back of the cabinet that holds many other miscellaneous items.

For the next week, Dean and Cas returned to their normal lives. Cas had started a novel which didn't have a title yet. Dean had broken into Cas' laptop and added the title "Pie" to the document of his novel in progress so Cas let the name stay until he settled on a title. Cas wouldn't share with Dean what the novel was about, but Cas was damn excited about it.

Saturday night had arrived in the Novak/Winchester household and as usual, they watched reruns of the never ending saga of Days of our Lives, Dean's ultimate guilty pleasure other than MD.

Dean was screaming at the TV, for whatever Eric did to Greta. "BUT SHE LOVES YOU ERIC. GRETA LOVES YOU AND YOUR TOO DAMN STUPID TO SEE THAT YOU STUPID SON OF A-"

"Dean." Cas choked out from his laughter. "The neighbors can probably hear you." Cas was reading a book next to Dean on the couch as they watched the show's ultimate mysteries unravel. Even though Cas didn't enjoy soap operas as much as Dean did, it was always entertaining to see Dean get so worked up over something so unrealistic and meaningless.

"BUT GRETA LOVES HIM BUT HE IS STILL IN LOVE WITH NICOLE. IM TELLIN' YA' CAS HE IS WAY IN OVER HIS HEAD. NICOLE IS MARRIED AND HE IS SUPPSOED TO LOVE GRETA. CANT YOU SEE THAT?!"

Cas continued to laugh, still focusing his attention at his book. "Yes Dean. I see that."

Dean ignored Cas' reply, giving his undivided attention to the TV screen. Dean gave out a large huff. "UGH NOW HE IS GOING TO NICOLE'S HOUSE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ERIC?! STOP." Dean's eyes widened as he was shaking his hands uncontrollably towards the show playing.

"Dean calm down. Its just a show." Cas addressed.

"You're just a show." Dean mocked.

"De-"

Cas was interrupted by the door bell ringing along with four short knocks on the door.

Dean turned the TV off and stood up. "I'll get it."

Opening the door was like another nightmare waiting to happen. Opening the door to this person, was the last thing Dean wanted. Dean was doomed from this point on and he knew it. "Dad."


	22. Chapter 22

**Authors Note: So another chapter arrives! Im sorry for making each chapter kinda short. I just love to leave off on cliff hangers sometimes.**

**And somebody asked about when Sam is going to come in. And dont worry, I have already written chapters where he is in so yeah. Get excited for that, I guess. **

**And as you read this chapter, you will probably realize that John's character in this story is really different than his character in Supernatural. I actually hate John with all my heart and soul but I wanted him to be rather nice in this story. You will understand why in a couple chapters.**

**Again, I still havent written since I got back from camp. I told you guys that I was really pumped to continue with this story and I had alot of ideas of where I could take this story. Well...huh... yeah. I pretty much forgot all of those ideas and I lost most of that pumped up mood. DAMN YOU CAMP WHY MUST YOU RUIN MY ANTI SOCIAL FANFICTION LIFE?!**

**So anyways my sugary butter cakes, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review. Its actually my birthday today...yay(not really that exciting) so reviewing would be like a little virtual present from you. I like birthdays, just not mine. So yeah If you guys feel so emotionally inclined to just review, for my birthday, it would mean alot.**

**And I truly love each and every one of you guys that have read my story. It means the world to me that so many of you read my story, favorited it, followed it, and reviewed it. **

**Chapter 22! Enjoy! :D**

* * *

"Dean!" John said cheerfully. A little too cheerful for John as well as Dean.

John and Dean haven't spoken since he started college. Dean didn't hate his father; John just wasn't a person Dean could look up to.

"Dad." Dean repeated. "What are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?"

John chuckled slightly and peered into the apartment where Cas stood up, staring at John.

"What? Can't a man visit his son?" John smiled at Cas who returned the favor with more fright. "Adam told me your address. You and Adam seem to still be doing well. Although, he still is a funny lookin' kid. Just as I remembered him." John looked at Cas again as he pointed a finger towards Dean. "I remember when those boys were in high school together. Makin' mud pies and such."

"Dad." Dean whined. "Nobody makes mud pies in high school."

"Sure ya' didn't!" John chuckled again.

Cas walked forward to where John was, fear in every step he took. This was the monster that ruined Dean's life. He made his life Hell and here he was, smiling and telling tales of mud pies. Although John Winchester put the fear of God in Cas, he held out a hand towards John. After all, this was Dean's father. And Cas wanted to be liked by everyone.

"Hello Mr. Winchester. It's a pleasure to meet you." Cas shook hands with John who didn't appear to be surprised that Dean was living with another boy. "I'm Castiel Novak, Dean's roommate."

"Ah." Dean interjected. "Boyfriend. Dad, He's my boyfriend." Dean wrapped his arm around Cas' waist and pulled him closer, making sure that John would see.

"Boyfriend eh?" John raised an eyebrow, still smiling.

"Yes Sir." Dean's voice was calm. He wasn't scared of his father. Now that he took care of Adam, he felt infinite. He felt like a King in a castle and there was no one to bring him down.

"Well," John cleared his throat and placed a hand on Cas' trembling shoulder, "It's nice to finally meet you Castiel. I'm John Winchester. But you knew that already." John chuckled again.

Dean and Cas both stared at John in awe.

"Wait, wait, wait." Dean growled as his eyebrows furrowed. "You're not mad…that I'm gay?"

"No son." John said. "Because I knew. Adam told me."

"Huh." Cas whispered.

"Son of a bitch." Dean whispered.

"What's the problem, son?" John asked.

Dean shifted his weight to his left leg and put his hands on his hips. "Me and Adam…"Dean sighed. "Aren't really talking anymore."

Cas sighed as well. It was sad that Dean and Adam, who have been friends since high school, not talk anymore because of Cas. Maybe It wasn't because of Cas, but he sure felt like it was.

"See," Dean continued, "He was rude towards Cas and me so I cut him off. I can't believe I wasted so many years on that evil son of a bitch."

"Huh. How 'bout that?" John smiled weakly, "Well, It's good you have Cas here to help you." John gestured towards Cas. "You seem like a good kid, Cas."

Cas' face brightened up instantly, grinning widely. "Thank you, sir." Cas nodded.

Dean's grip on Cas' waist tightened as he smiled. "Thank you sir. He makes me happy."

"That's good, son." John said. "Oh god I almost forgot, Sam is also in town. He's on Winter break right now so I let him tag along with me. He was dyin' to see you."

Dean's grip lightened as John said Sam's name. Dean loved his little brother, and he hasn't seen for about a year.

"Sammy's here?" Dean exclaimed.

"Yep. In the motel. He was tired from the car ride, that kid is kinda a wimp when it comes to long car rides and manly things like that."

Dean and Cas laughed slightly at John's remark.

"Nah. I just like messin' with the kid."John continued, "But he got real tall since you last saw him. Real, real tall. But I just let him sleep."

"Great." Dean grinned.

"Now, I'm gonna go back to the motel. Maybe I'll bring him over when he wakes up." John put both his hands on the boy's shoulders, one on Cas' and one on Deans'. "It was real nice to meet you, Cas."

"The pleasure was all mine." Cas smiled obediently.

"See ya' boys." John said as he turned around back towards the door.

"Bye Dad." Dean said as he shut the door as John walked out.

Dean looked towards Cas, who was surprised by what had happened.

"Okay," Dean began, "What the hell just happened?"

"Dean!" Cas joked, "This was the guy who put you in your misery?!"

"Apparently!" Dean laughed. "I don't know why he was so nice."

"Well," Cas said wrapping his arms around Dean's waist. "Let's just be glad that he was." Cas pulled Dean into a kiss.

Dean laughed. "Yes…we…should." Dean gasped out between each breath.

They continued to kiss, wrapping each other's hand and fingers into each other's hair, breathing heavily while laughing joyfully.

Dean pulled away for a moment. "You know, I just can't believe this."

"Hmm? What?" Cas' eyes remained closed as he leaned forward, needing Dean's lips on his.

"I don't know. Everything just seems to be finally…alright." Dean thought for a moment but then pressed his lips to Cas', who kissed him urgently, as if the apocalypse was coming and this was their last kiss before a meteor would strike inside the apartment at any given moment.

"Hmm." Cas moaned. "That's a good thing."

Dean cupped Cas' face in his hands, kissing him rather soft, with grace and no urgency. He wanted to enjoy every moment with Cas from now on. Everything was going to be okay.


	23. Chapter 23

**Authors Note: So let me just start out by saying, you guys, are amazing human beings. Thank you so much for wishing me a happy birthday. I dont really like celebrating my birthday but you guys made it great. **

**Annnnnd now ending the cheesy part of this author's note. **

**My best friend, Kate and I are starting a new fanfiction together. And I have to say, I am really excited about it. I dont know if I can tell you what its about yet or if she will allow me to publish it here but all I will say is... SuperWhoLock/Hunger Games. I hope Kate doesnt see this. If you are reading this, Kate, hi. I hope you dont kill me tomorrow for saying anything... :D**

**So thank you my rainbow sprinkles, for making my day better and for reading. I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

"Cassssssssss!" Dean cooed.

"Yes Dean?" Cas answered from the other room.

"They're on their way now!" Dean chimed as he hung up the phone.

It was the next day. John had just called them and said Sam was finally done with his advanced placement homework, and ready to seen Dean and Cas.

"Great!" Cas replied.

Dean sat on the couch, eagerness still building up inside of him. He turned on the TV to the football game that was on. Dean didn't want his father to think he was a complete pansy for watching soap operas.

Cas walked into the living room and planted a kiss on Dean's head before sitting down on the couch next to him.

"How long will it take them to arrive?" Cas asked.

"Motel's not too far. 'Bout 10 minutes at the most." Dean assured.

"Great. I can't wait to meet Sam."

"Oh you'll love him, Cas. He's real smart, like you." Dean smiled as he returned the kiss, but on his forehead this time.

Cas moaned happily and put his head on Deans shoulder, attempting to watch the game along with him. Dean stayed content with the game but it was nothing like his soap operas. Cas wasn't much of a sports junkie. He eventually traded watching the game with a book.

Time passed, the game ended, Dean grew anxious. Cas checked the clock.

"It's been an hour, Dean." Cas grew worried, his eyes showed it. He fumbled with his fingers, trying to stay calm. "Are you sure they checked into the right motel?"

"Positive." Dean muttered. "I've stayed there before. Can't be more than 10 minutes away."

The door bell rang twice. Dean rushed to the door and as he opened it, he wished he didn't.

"Can I help you?" Dean asked politely.

"Hope you can. Are you Dean Winchester?" The police officer gestured. Two police officers stood there, one writing on a notepad, the other, exchanging information onto a walkie talkie behind the other, not paying much attention.

"In the flesh." Dean answered. "I swear I didn't do it."

The two officers looked at each other, but exchanged no emotion but just looked back at Dean. The officer with the walkie talkie stared at Dean with pity.

"We aren't here because of you, Mr. Winchester." The officer with the notepad replied.

"Cas didn't do anything either." Dean remarked jokingly, chuckling slightly. Cas looked up from his book, sighed at the presence of the officers, stood up, and walked towards the door. He seemed to be doing this too often, as if It was a routine.

"Dean." Cas protesting. He looked towards the officers and smiled innocently. "Who is this regarding?"

The officers smiled at Cas and returned their attention back towards Dean.

The officer with the notepad cleared his throat. "This is regarding Mr. Winchester's family members." He looked at his notepad and squinted. "I have here a… a John? John Winchester."

"Yes he's my father." Dean answered.

"Ah." The police officer continued to read his notepad. "And I also have here a…a Samuel?"

"Yes. Sam. Sam Winchester. My brother." Dean answered again. The anticipated in his stomach knotted and grew. It over took his entire body, making his limbs numb and his head spin.

"Yes that's the one." The officer agreed.

"Okay officer, so what's the problem?" Dean questioned. His arm was propped up against the door to help him stay standing.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Winchester." The officer began, "But John and Sam got into a pretty bad car accident involving a drunk driver."

Dean froze. His whole body froze in shock, confusion, and anger. "Oh god." Was all that managed to slip out of his mouth. His balanced stumbled and Cas caught his cold, numb body. Dean had to stay strong. After everything that has happened to him with Adam, all he could do was stand back up and cross him arms, nodding. Cas' mouth opened wide in shock, his hand covering it as tears started to well in his eyes.

"Are they okay?" Dean gasped out.

"I'm sorry Mr. Winchester. They're both dead."


	24. Chapter 24

**Authors Note: MWAHHAHAHAHHAHHA! IT IS I! THE EVIL ONE WHO KILLED JOHN AND SAM!**

**But yeah guys...hah... sorry for that. I just had too. And for that person who really wanted Sam in this story, im sorry! I wouldn't blame you guys if you think that im going to make Sam and John not be dead because come on hey guys, its Supernatural. No one dies. But alas, they are dead. If you guys really want hints of Sam, I could somehow make that happen. Let me know. **

**And also, I am going to start posting the SuperWhoLock/Hunger Games once I am finished with this story. Kate is also going to post the same story on her account so be sure to follow her as well :) And let me just say, that story is going to be amazing. Not only because Kate is an amazing writer, but the concept and ideas we have for this story are really good and we are so thrilled to be writing it.**

**And since I am babbling about new fan fictions, I am going to also write another new fan fiction. A hint for you all : SuperWhoLock vs. Leviathans. AHH IM SO EXCITED! I only have the basic idea of it yet but I will not be writing it until me and Kate are done writing the SuperWhoLock/Hunger Games story. But let me know if that idea interests you :)**

**So yes I hope yesterdays chapter was good. I thought it was :) **

**I hope all of you lemony buttercups enjoy this chapter and review because then I wouldn't have to mentally prepare myself for babysitting tomorrow and lord, that takes alot of effort. **

**Enjoy Chapter 24!**

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"Dead." Dean whispered to himself. Dead. Dead. John and Sammy are…dead.

"Dean." Cas whispered. His eyes were flooded with tears that wouldn't escape the corners of his eyelids.

Dean stayed still and silent for a moment. It seemed like hours had gone by, the silence overbearing any words that could come out of anyone's mouth. The silence was not awkward. It was not empty silence. It was silence filled, overflowed, with sadness, sorrow, and most of all, pain. The pain that Dean felt was the same pain he felt when his mom was seared by the flames of the burning house. It was the same pain as he had felt when he was depressed, and when he would take his razor and draw thick red lines on his skin.

Dean wasn't going to break down and cry. He was strong enough to bear it. He was brought up like a soldier. A soldier who wouldn't break down and cry every time something bad happened. He was a soldier who would bite the bullet, take the pain, and fake a smile, because that's all he had left.

Dean cleared his throat, but the pain filled silence still lingered around them.

"Are you positive, officer?" Dean said firm, although his voice was quivering.

"Afraid so, son." The officer concluded, "I'm sorry Mr. Winchester. We wished there was something we could do but they both had no pulse at the scene."

"No problem." Dean advised.

The officer smiled at him, then ripped of a piece of paper from his notepad.

"Here" He said, handing the paper to Dean. "The paramedics took the bodies to the hospital. You can go see them if you'd like. I'd say wait a couple of days, and then you can bury them. This'll get ya'll into see the bodies."

Dean took the paper, holding it with tense fingers, making his knuckles turn white.

"Will do, officer. Thanks." Dean said with a smile, as he shook the officer's hand.

Dean shut the door, leaving Dean with Cas, who had tears streaming down his cheeks, making them gleam with a sick salty-sweet stench.

Dean's eyebrows rose at Cas. "Cas? You okay?"

Cas wiped his left cheek and stared at Dean with his glossy blue eyes. "I should be the one to ask you that."

"Yeah well, I'm fine Cas." Dean wiped his face and ruffled a hand through his sandy cropped hair.

"Dean. It's okay to admit that this might be hard for you. It's hard enough to deal with one death but two? You just can't be okay with that. You have too much heart to be okay with that."

"No Cas. I'm fine. I mean the man did abuse me!" Dean paced back and forth, continuing to sweep his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah but he's your father, Dean! And Sam! Your brother, that saved you and helped you." Cas exclaimed.

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT THEM." Dean screamed. Dean's voice changed. He had never yelled at Cas before, not like that. Dean was changing. Now with Adam being gone and his family dead, Dean didn't really have anything left.

Cas' eyes widened, the blue crystal eyes turned darker, colder, now smaller than before causing his pupils to grow bigger. First his eyes began to quiver, and then his body as his face collected in his sweating palms. His back rose and fell as he started to cry uncontrollably. His voice quietly whimpering, as the tears soaked into his sweater.

Dean instantly felt guilt. For god's sake, he made Castiel cry. But Dean couldn't help it. With all these emotions he was feeling, it was hard to control which ones poured out of him and which ones he kept welled up inside of him so not a soul could see. All the rage, pain, and anger he felt, was so buried up in him.

It's hard to control your feelings, when the feelings control you.

"Cas." Dean breathed out. "I'm so sorry." Dean reached over to Cas, who continued to cry in Deans arms.

"'s 'kay." Cas gasped out between whimpers.

"I'm sorry, Castiel." Dean murmured. He planted a small kiss on Cas' temple, calming both of them slightly. "I need to go out for a moment."

"…k-kay." Cas whimpered again.

Dean kissed him once more on the forehead and gave him a light hug, squeezing Cas' hand for comfort.

Dean slipped his jacket on and crept out of the apartment, leaving Cas alone. He was still crying although it was lighter than before. Cas then made a promise to himself. A promise to himself and to Dean. That everything will be okay. Castiel will make sure of it. Dean will be okay. Everything will be okay.


	25. Chapter 25

**Authors Note: Hey everyone! I am so tired from babysitting today but for some reason, this chapter is getting posted earlier than usual. Hmm. **

**This chapter is a little different than the rest of the chapters in this story. I wanted to try something different and new so if you like it, let me know. If you don't, please let me know so I don't burn out your eyes just like Pamela's... ouch. **

**This chapter doesn't really progress the story any further. i just felt like the story needed a chapter like this, where the whole story stopped and Cas was just content for a while. Especially with all the shit that Dean is going through. **

**I am going to the cafe tomorrow to write. I am going to try to finish the story tomorrow but I doubt it, but DAMN IT I WILL TRY!**

**So I hope you like this chapter. Its pretty short too. And again, any kind of feedback is amazing. **

**I love you my crunchy oreo pies. Thank you for reading and reviewing if you reviewed. I love you all. Onto Chapter 25!**

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Dean had been gone for hours now. If Dean's family hadn't died that day, Cas would have gone out looking for him. But they did, and Cas presumed that Dean went to go see the bodies alone. Or maybe he went to Bobby's house. Cas didn't know what it was like to lose someone that close. He wasn't close to his family like Dean was. He wanted to leave his family, they burdened him, and troubled his thoughts.

It was getting late. Actually, it was past late. The darkness of the still world outside blocked Cas from the everything. It blocked out everyone who made fun of him, who harassed him for being too quiet or too awkward or too much of a nerd. The darkness that pooled inside the apartment from the open windows, shadowed the furniture, making the world around Cas shades darker than it was before. The stillness of the night, made Cas' heart still. Tonight, was one of those nights that stops, and for those moments when It stops, you stop with it. The worlds stops moving. People stop worrying, and you just look up to the ink black sky and you stare. You stare for as long as your eyes can stay open. Because it's just you in the world and nothing else exists.

But tonight. Tonight felt different. Cas looked up at the sky, like he used to do on these rare nights. He felt different. Not because of the extreme loss that took place today. It was a good different.

He wasn't alone.

Castiel was not alone on this dark, empty night.

He was with Dean.

He knew Dean was with him. He knew Dean was okay and that everything was going to be okay. There was a way he knew he wasn't alone.

Usually on these dark nights, the air would feel vast and empty, just like the sky. It would be cold are eerie. The air would be like a whirling black hole. The vast universe could be sucked up within seconds and nothing would matter, because no one would exist on these nights. It wouldn't be a bad thing, just something that wouldn't matter. But tonight, the air was warm. It was soothing and calming. Cas wanted to wrap himself in it as if they were Deans arms, and just sit there.

Dean hasn't been back for hours. But it was okay with Cas. He knew Dean was okay. Even though the world was a dark and scary place, Dean and Cas were surrounded with each other. They would always be there for each other even if this world would get abolished by a black hole. Dean and Cas knew that they were not alone. Even on those vast nights, where nobody ceases to notice you. Those dark nights where the world forgets you're there, they could turn to what's around them.

They could turn to who they love, for comfort and warmth.

Each other.


	26. Chapter 26

**Authors Note: Helloooo! So I am currently hopped up on coffee from 3 different cafes...great. Can I rant here? Would it be legitimate ranting? or is it even allowed? I hope you guys don't mind it because here...it...comes. Its story time bitches.**

**okay. I hate Starbucks. There I said it. CURSE ME. I just hate it. I used to like it so much. I would go there all the time. If I passed a Starbucks or even saw one, I would have to buy something from it. But now, I just hate everything about it. Let me just say I went to both of these cafes in the same day so I know my shit. First of all, the prices. Oh lord goodness those prices. A tall (small) at Starbucks is more expensive than a large at Caribou (which is this cafe. I think its a chain cafe but i have no idea) and the coffee at Caribou is way better. Also, the atmosphere. At Starbucks. Its really crowded. The tables are pressed up against each other so you're like literally grinding against the stranger next to you. At Caribou, there are more tables and chairs and they aren't crowded. They also have a fireplace and multiple couches. I have no idea how they did it since the size of the two cafes are the same. And also the people. The freaking smart ass people at Starbucks are just way to sassy and posh for me. They would kick you out the second you sit down without a drink in your hand. Some people like to buy their drinks after they sit down. Like can you please not smirk when I sit down with my White Chocolate Mocha Frap? I FREAKING PAID FOR YOUR CHEAP ASS COFFEE SO DONT LAUGH AT the customers were all giving me freaking stupid looks just because i'm a 14 year old girl with a laptop thats more flawless than your piece of Dell shit. And at Caribou, all the workers there are like really cool. They're all individuals. Ya know, they all look different. Dyed hair, piercings, Classic rock t shirts peeking out under their aprons. I always see the workers bring in homeless people and they give them free cookies and drinks and stuff and they talk to them and im just like oh my god you perfect humans. THEY WOULD NEVER DO THAT AT STARBUCKS. And the costumers are just generally nice. Like this one time, this guy ask me if I could watch his stuff while he had to go to the bathroom, so i did, an he said that I looked like a nice young lady and how it was thoughtful that I watched his stuff for him and so then he bought me a drink and a cookie. I MEAN COME ON! HOW NICE IS THAT?! So yeah overall, I hate Starbucks. The end. Oh and I also like Caribou just because thats a distant cousin from the moose (HELLO SAM WINCHESTER) **

**I hope that didn't bore you guys out. Even if you read it. **

**So heres the next chapter. I hope you fluffy butter pies like it. Another chapter is coming tomorrow like always. **

**Please review and favorite and all that other stuff because it might just help me calm a bit down...thanks :) Thank you for reading.**

**Chapter 26!**

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**5:41 am. **

A knock on the door woke up Cas from his restless sleep. Cas rolled onto his back, feeling the other side of the bed for Dean. Although Dean wasn't in the bed, Cas was content for once that day but that moment was over as soon as he checked the clock. Cas stumbled out of bed, not knowing what to expect for who might be at the door. The last time he opened the door, the only family Dean had left, died.

Cas rubbed his face in attempt to look somewhat presentable to the guest waiting outside of the apartment. Cas opened the door. The person before him was a damn mess. His hair was pressed to his forehead, blocking his eyes which allowed him to avoid looking at Cas. He was holding a half empty beer bottle in his trembling, weak hand. His laugh caught in his throat, choking his breaths as he pressed the bottle to his lips, taking a huge gulp of the stale beer before wiping his mouth.

This man is not how Cas wanted him to look. It was somewhat painful for Cas to have him look like this. The man rubbed his hand across his forehead, pushing his hair to the side of his face, revealing his eyes. The green iris' of them were swelled and swallowed up by the red pools around them. The man stumbled forward as he walked into the apartment.

Cas' eyes widened as he observed the man. Cas was pretty tired, but he knew he wasn't dreaming.

"Dean."

Dean moaned, a slight chuckle fell after. Cas had never seen Dean like this. There were times when Dean got a little drunk and he would then carry Dean to the bedroom for a full day of sleep, and a small hangover the next morning, but Dean would never drink this much. To the point where Cas was when Adam hurt him. Maybe even further.

"Dean." Cas repeated, his tone was more firm than before. "What happened to you?"

Dean stopped laughing. His face grew serious, although his eyes were disoriented and confused.

"What the hell happened to you huh?" Dean hissed. "Don't talk to me like that!"

Cas took Deans arm and put it around his own shoulder, guiding Dean slowly to the bedroom. Dean refused Cas' gesture, gripping Cas' wrist tightly, forming a bruise.

"Dean. Let go of me." Cas said calmly. "You're drunk."

Dean didn't release Cas from his grip, but only tightened his fingers around Cas' thin wrist, making his fingernails dig into Cas' skin.

"Yeah, so what?" Dean growled. "It's my fault Dad and Sammy died. Now, I'm rewarding myself for it." Dean lifted the beer bottle with the hand that was not holding Cas hostage and drank more.

"Dean." Cas repeated. His voice was calm. The only thing Cas could do now was stay calm. "Give me the beer. Please let go off me. You're not thinking straight."

Dean grunted as he tightened his grip, and then released his hand from Cas' wrist, throwing his wrist at Cas.

Cas rubbed his wrist with his other hand. His skin was forming red spots and soon, purple.

"Okay Dean." Cas continued, "Give me the beer." Cas held out a hand towards the bottle, motioning for Dean to give it up.

"No way Cas. You aren't my dad." Dean grunted, looking down at the floor.

"I didn't say I was. I'm just trying to help." Cas' hand remained out towards the bottle.

"Well I don't need your help! The only way you can help is to bring my Dad and Sammy back and you can't do that! So just leave me alone."

Cas walked towards Dean, now placing his hand on Dean's shoulder, rubbing his tense muscles as he tried to calm him down. "I know Dean. I know. It's hard, I know. But we can get through this together." Cas assured.

Dean jerked away from Cas. He was getting furious. Sweat was forming on his skin, his hair was crazily placed on his head, and his body remained tense.

"LOOK AT ME CAS!" Dean screamed. "I KNOW IM A DAMN MESS. THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT. EVERYTHING IS MY DAMN FAULT."

He threw the beer bottle towards Cas' direction who then abruptly ducked, clutching his head in his hands as he fell to the ground. The bottle crashed against the wall, some beer splattered artfully on the wall as glass shattered and the remaining beer fell to the ground, clinking against the hardwood, making the room chime in a sinful song.

Dean looked to the floor then back up at Cas who stood up, staring at the glass shards on the floor.

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god." Dean repeated furiously. "Oh god, Cas. God oh. I'm sorry, damn it. I couldn't stop it." Dean scrambled around in the kitchen in search of a broom.

"Oh god the beer." He continued. Dean ditched the idea of a broom and reached for a paper towel.

Before Cas could snap out of his shock, Dean was on the floor, soaking up the beer pools with a paper towel. The glass shards cut into his skin but Dean didn't seem to notice, or he was too drunk to notice.

Cas finally regained his state of mind and looked back at Dean who was sitting in a pool of beer and blood.

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god." Dean repeated as he continued to try to clean up the mess.

"No Dean. Stop its fine." Cas protested. He joined Dean on the floor who was now crying. His tears mixed in with the beer and blood bath that sat on the floor.

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god." Dean continued. Cas gently took the beer soaked paper towel from Dean's hands and placed it on the floor next to him.

Dean's crying was soft, almost silent. It was silent, but it was loud enough to be heard from miles away. Because It was a rare occasion when Dean Winchester would cry. Cas felt like the whole city would stop just to see the phenomenon that would be Dean crying.

"No Cas! I have to clean I- I have- I gotta clean- clean-clean the be-be-beer." Dean stammered as he reached for the paper towel sitting on the floor, only to be blocked off by Cas.

"Dean no. Hey, Dean." Cas whispered, lifting Dean's head and holding it with his hands. "Listen to me, Dean. Everything is going to be okay. Don't worry about it. I know it's been a hard month but you just need to calm down and get some rest okay? Everything is going to be okay."

Dean's gaze locked on Castiel's eyes. "Oh god." Dean repeated once more. His voice was faint. "What's wrong with me?"

Cas took Dean into his arms, cradling him for comfort. "Oh Dean." Cas stammered. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. This is normal. You've been through a lot. It's okay."

Dean nodded at Cas' reply and sniffled. "Cas, I got no one."

"Dean, you have me. We're family now." Cas answered.

Dean looked up at Cas who was smiling down at Dean. Dean nuzzled in the crook of Cas' neck.

"I know, Cas. I was just testin' ya'." Dean chuckled.

Cas wasn't sure if it was Dean talking, or the beer. He just chuckled along with Dean but kept his laugh quiet.

"But really Dean." Cas interrupted Dean's joke. "We are family. I love you. I'm not going to leave you. We can get through this."

Dean stopped giggled and smiled warmly towards Dean. His vision was foggy but he could still make out all of Cas' tiny features that Dean had memorized. Cas' blue sapphire eyes, the wrinkles around the corners of his eyes, his soft cheek bones, the day old beard scruff. Dean had memorized it all.

"I love you too." Dean answered warmly. Cas continued to cradle Dean in his lap.

"Everything is going to be okay, Dean."

"I hope so."

Eventually, they both drifted off to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**Authors Note: So I hope you guys didn't mind my rant yesterday. It seemed that a couple of you found it entertaining and true so yeah...whoo!**

**A couple of guests reviewed my story yesterday and I am not able to respond to a review from a guest so here they are for you guys because I love responding to reviews. **

**BeckyG- Thank you so much! It pleases me when people enjoy my stories that much :) Haha and yes I will continue this story. Ive written ahead and its still not done yet, theres just so much I want to include in this story so its gonna be a hefty one!**

**ValorieDevore- Oh my goodness im just blushing! Thank you! Yes i do believe i put a Perks of Being a Wallflower reference in there. I think I said that Dean felt Infinite so yes im glad you caught that! And im glad you appreciate the idea of this story and what the characters have to go through. I hoped that some people would feel like they were being understood and noticed with this story so whoo! I did it :) It makes me so happy that you love this story and decided to continue to read it. Your compliments mean so much to me and they made my day alot better. This community is so nice and kind and im so glad that you are a part of it as well as me. :) Thank you **

**So I hope you enjoyed the chapter yesterday. I went to the cafe yesterday as you saw in yesterdays authors note. Im glad to be in full swing with this story. I just missed it so much when I was gone at camp and I was so sad to be brain dead with it when I got back. But nevertheless, I am Back in Black! hah...ACDC reference anyone? **

**The part that I am writing currently are the last events that will take place until the big ending I have sort of planned out. So yeah thats exciting! **

**Enjoy the chapter my happy marshmallow gumballs, and please review If you feel so emotionally attached to me! hehe probably no one...**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed, or favorited me and the story in the past and in the future. Your support means everything to me and Im glad you joined my little army :D **

**Thank you for reading. Here's Chapter 27! Enjoy :D **

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The apartment stayed silent. Cas thought that Dean would need some time to think and get his thoughts straight, so he left him alone. But now, 2 months after his father and brothers death, Dean refused to leave his bedroom or speak.

The lights of his bedroom would always be off. Dean would rotate between different positions of laying down in bed throughout the day to keep his legs from going numb.

Despite Dean's dramatic decline of human interaction, or speaking for that matter, Cas would not give up on Dean. He would offer Dean food throughout the day. Cas quickly learned that if he wanted food, a groan would escape his mouth. No food, no groan.

The funeral for John and Sam came and went. That was the only time Dean came out of his bedroom. Not many people attended the service since Dean didn't feel the need to keep in contact with his relatives.

Cas noticed a change in Dean at the funeral. Well for one thing, he didn't look to hot. The defined muscles in his arms were gone and were replaced by skin and bones. His face was washed out and pale which gave attention to the dark circles pooling around his droopy eyes. His effort to comb his hair was appreciated by Cas but it did nothing considering that his hair refused the comb's force and continued to stick up freely.

But the change in Dean was not just physical. All emotion and personality in Dean was washed away. He stood in the church pew idle and motionless. His face lacked any sort of sorrow or any emotion at all.

Dean was cracking and Cas didn't want to think that he was. He wanted to ignore it. As if everything was going to be okay. But Cas knew, deep down in the core of his gut, that it wasn't.

An ache in his stomach told him that Dean is not okay, that he is breaking down and being made into dust. Although this ache dulled his hope, Cas still had some faith in Dean. And Cas sure as Hell was not going to give up on Dean, at a time when Dean needs him the most.

The funeral was over. The bodies were buried. Even a couple of Dean's college friends came to the service giving their condolences.

Dean returned home, thrashing the suit he wore onto the floor, leaving him in his boxers. As he slumped into bed, his whole body felt ten times heavier. Nothing, absolutely nothing in his life was going right. And he didn't Cas or anyone to tell him that everything was going to be okay. Because even if Cas thought that it was going to be okay, something inside of Dean told him that this was it. This was the end and there was nothing he could do about it.

Living his life without his father or Sam was unthinkable and impossible to Dean. After all, Dean was taught that the most important thing is family. That family comes first, no matter what. Family can make you feel terrible inside, but they can also give you joy and comfort.

But now that his family is gone, what else does he have left? Cas? Dean loves Cas. There was no doubt in his mind that he didn't love him. But family, is family, until the end. And this is the end.

Cas is Dean's family and Dean is Cas's family. This was the way that both of them knew that it was going to be from now on. Because that's all they have left, which may not be a bad thing after all.


	28. Chapter 28

**Authors Note: Hey guys! So I hope you all enjoyed yesterdays chapter. I felt bad for making things so bad for Dean and Cas so this chapter is where things start to lighten up for both of them.**

**Someone one asked if it was Adam who killed Sam and John in the car crash. Honestly, I havent given the crash much thought as to who did it. The crash was just another event in the story that will contribute to later in the story, mostly the ending. So to answer the question from my point of view, I dont really know. Probably not. But whatever your heart desires, is the answer. :) **

**So my little cupcake fluffs, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Its pretty short. Im trying to make the chapters a little bit longer for you guys. **

**Oh and also, school for me is going to be starting in the beginning of September, im not really sure what day. So it may set me back on the consistency on how often I write and post new chapters. Im not exactly sure on how much homework I will be getting but I will do my absolute best for you all.**

**WARNING: Just a small warning for you all. There is a bit of language in this chapter. I was debating whether or not to incorporate it in the story but I felt like the emotions I wanted to deliver wouldn't deliver with "pansy" words, as some people might say. So yeah just a heads up on the language. **

**Enjoy the chapter and please review if you feel so generous. Thank you for reading. **

* * *

Cas approach the closed door of the bedroom holding a tray with tomato rice soup, Deans favorite. As usual, Dean refused to get out of bed and continued to stare at a coffee stain on the white linen pillow case.

Cas lightly knocked on the door with his free hand. "Dean?"

A light moan came from inside the bedroom.

"Dean honey, I brought you some soup."

Another moan.

"Can I come in?"

A long pause sustains Cas from going inside until he hears a short moan. Cas pushes the door open with the tray and quietly steps inside the room.

"I thought you might need something warm, its pretty chilly outside. And its tomato rice, your favorite."

Cas set the tray down on his desk.

Dean's back was facing towards Cas. A muffled voice came from the pillow. Cas sat down on the side of the bed next to Dean, hesitating wether or not to touch him.

A cough muddled through the pillow and Dean slowly turned around, his face now towards Cas. He's a burn out. That was what came to Cas' mind first. His cheeks were dark and hollow, where small dimples used to be. A burn out. He looked like a complete burn out. Especially since his eyes were a darker shade of red.

"Dean. Oh Dean." Cas was breathless. He couldn't bare to see Dean like this. Why were his eyes red? Dean wouldn't be drinking alcohol, there was none in the bedroom. He would've had to go to the kitchen for alcohol and Dean never got out of bed.

"Dean, your eyes..." Cas muttered.

"Fuck off, Cas. Im fine." Dean murmured. He grabbed Cas' pillow and covered his face with it.

"Dean. Why are your eyes red?" Cas asked. "I just want to help."

"You can help by leaving. I don't need this."

Cas let out a huge sigh. It didn't seem like Dean was going to open up to him anytime soon.

"Dean, why are you acting this way?"

"I said, Fuck off." Dean threatened. A short cough came after.

Dean was growing weak. Not only did his face appear lifeless and dull, but so did his body.

At the funeral, Cas could tell he lost a little weight, but now, he looked as if a small breeze could throw him off of his feet, killing him instantly. His bones poked and jabbed against his skin. The shirt he was wearing was baggy on him, and was sliding off of one arm.

_Dean would never say that to me._ Cas thought. He knew that Dean would not take his family's death well, but he never thought it would be this bad.

"Dean, honey, are you drunk?" Cas asked quietly.

"Whats it to you?" Dean barked.

"How did you get alcohol?"

Dean pointed to the ground, motioning that the alcohol was stashed under the bed. "I would wait until you fell asleep," Dean began, "then I would steal it from the kitchen. It aint rocket science, Cas."

Cas stood up from the bed and walked around to Dean's side of it. As he knelt down, collections of beer bottles from the previous two months were revealed.

"Dean, it never occurred to you that if you wanted help, you could've just asked me? I want to help you in every way I can. I cant stand to see you like this, Dean. And I don't think that numbing yourself with alcohol is going to help you solve anything. Is it?"

Dean took the pillow off of his face and placed it next to him. His forehead was shinning with sweat.

Dean just sat up and started staring at Cas which made him uncomfortable. He felt like he was an animal behind a cage at the zoo, and Dean was a zoologist, observing and taking note of his every move.

"Cas I don't need help. I know I'm not okay but that doesn't mean I'm gonna cry like a baby about my feelings and pray to be saved or whatever."

As soon as Dean said that, Cas became angry. In fact, he was past angry. He was down right furious. Cas did pray for Dean. Dean knew that and he even acknowledged it.

The fact that Dean remarked about his prayers, made Cas' blood boil. It churred in his stomach and pulsed through his veins, making his skin turn scarlet red.

Dean must have noticed Cas' reaction. Dean relaxed his shoulders and lightly touched Cas' knee.

"Oh god, Cas. Im sorry. I didn't mean-"

"No Dean." Cas interjected. He calmed down, and his tense body grew tired. "You're drunk. Of course you didn't mean it."

Dean nodded in agreement. "Im real glad you prayed for me. Im sorry."

Cas didn't reply.

They sat in silence for a while. Cas didn't know what to say to Dean. He didn't know how to help him at this point. It was just plain illogical for a mentally ill person to ask a formal mentally ill person for help. It just didn't make sense. You couldnt give someone answers to something that you didn't even know how to solve.

"Drinking helps." Dean blurted.

Cas looked up at Dean, who shut his eyes in order to keep tears from escaping them.

"It just numbs you for a while, Dean. It only helps until you become sober again. That doesn't make the problem go away." Cas explained.

"Well, nothing else is going to make the problem go away, Cas. They're dead."

Dean leaned over and rested his head on Cas' shoulder. Cas could feel Deans head pounding on his shoulder. Dean's head was throbbing from the alcohol, but he didn't notice it. He was used to it.

"How about this," Cas suggested, "We can take some time of school. Lets pack our bags. And just leave for a while. To get some air to think."

"Leave? Where would we go?" Dean grunted, thinking that Cas was joking. Cas wasn't much of a person that would just drop everything and go somewhere. It would take him the majority of the year to plan a 2 day vacation.

"Doesn't matter. It could be like a little road trip! Around the country!" Cas pronounced.

"Hmmm a road trip..." Dean thought out loud. "I cant say I don't like the sound of that."

"Great! We can leave the day after tomorrow." Cas said standing up. He lightly kissed Dean's sweaty forehead.

"But-"

"No buts, Dean!" Cas said wagging his finger at Dean. "Enjoy your soup." Cas chuckled as he walked out of the room, leaving Dean grinning, and drunk.


	29. Chapter 29

**Authors Note: Hey everyone! So I just got done writing Chapter 33 and then I remembered that I forgot to post a chapter, so here I am. In the flesh. **

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and favorited and followed. I love you all so much. **

**Oh god I love this chapter. Its so happy, unlike the majority of this story. So please, do enjoy it greatly. **

**So my little cookie bears, I love it when you review so please dont be shy! I dont bite! **

**WARNING: Another warning for you all. More use of foul language again, but this time, its not in a harsh way I guess. More of a joking way. But just a little heads up for you all.**

**Thank you for reading! Here's chapter 29!**

* * *

The road seemed oddly quiet. It was 7 in the morning on a Saturday, and there was not one car in sight.

This road trip was made for thinking and clearing the air for both of them, but they didn't think. At least about what had happened during past two months. They thought about other things. Meaningless, unimportant things.

Castiel focused on the never ending road. All of its little bumps and cracks in the pavement were noted and counted. He thought about if the city was ever going to fix the road again. Not that many people ever drove on this road that looped around the outskirts of town.

Dean simply leaned his head out of the 1967 Chevy Impala. It was previously owned by his father but Dean had received it after his father's death. A memoir. The warm breeze which smelled faintly of grass and morning dew, flew against his face, pushing his cropped hair from it. Deans hand rested on the outside corridor of the Impala as they drove in silence. He thought about why music was invented. Or how it even got invented, for that matter. The thought of this versatile interest was what pondered the back of Dean's mind. Why do people enjoy music? For some people, music shapes their life. They would listen to music If they were happy, upset, or just simply content. They would spend their lives building a career on music. But what would happen if music never existed? Would their new interest be similar to music, or completely different?

Again, meaningless, and important things were thought on the road, to avoid what questions were really floating in the air, waiting to be solved.

Even though there was still problems that haunted Dean and Cas' lives, this drive, this road trip was exactly what they needed. There was no plan. They weren't going anywhere specific. They didn't even know where they were. But thats life.

The sound of the Impala rumbled beneath the hood, slightly vibrating the inside of the car, making the Legos stashed in the vent rattle.

"This car is nice." Cas noticed, which broke the silence.

Dean patted the dashboard. "Yeah, aint she a beauty? Dad's had her since before I was born."

"Wow. And for such an old car, it runs amazing." Cas acknowledged.

"She, Cas. She's not an 'it'. She's a girl." Dean grunted.

Cas cleared his throat to keep from chuckling. "Uh okay. Sorry, Dean."

Dean pet the leather adhesive on his seat. "He didn't mean it, baby." He cooed.

Cas smirked slightly as he continued to drive. "Music?" He offered.

"Bring it on." Dean replied, smiling. Dean hasn't smiled in months. His smile was so beautiful, and so dearly missed by Cas.

Cas replied with a smile and turned the dial of the old stereo.

The tune of the song rasped out softly through the worn out radio. Dean leaned over and turned a dial, making the song blare through the car.

"Ready for love." Dean nodded.

"By Bad Company." Cas added.

"Right you are, Cas." Dean laughed.

He leaned in to kiss Cas who responded warmly. The soft touch of Dean's lips left Cas panting and breathless. He wanted more. It had been more than two months of not kissing Dean. Cas had really missed it. Really, really missed it. The soft brush of Deans lips against his made his quiver in delight, making his eyes close as he leaned over.

Cas had been so distracted by the kiss, he let go of the steering wheel. The car swerved sideways, making Dean gasp. "CAS THE FUCKING ROADDDDD. GRAB THE FUCKING STEERING WHEEL CAS."

"SHIT." Cas blurted. He jerked the steering wheel to the left, adjusting their position on the lane.

Dean clutched his shirt, where his heart was. They were both gasping for air to regain any and all calmness. He wiped his palm across his forehead. "Damn it, Cas."

Cas looked over to him, raising his eyebrows in confusion. "What? I would say don't distract the driver, but damn, I missed those lips."

Dean scoffed and kissed him lightly on his temple. The song still continued. "Wow, you've got a mouth on you, Cas." Dean smirked.

"Shut up," Cas shoved Dean, "I got scared. You're the one who dropped the ."

"Touché." Dean said, turning the dial again, making the song louder.

He started singing along to the song. Screeching it, was more like it.

Cas raised his eyebrows jokingly at Dean.

_Now I'm on my feet again_

_Better things are bound to happen_

_All my dues surely must be paid_

_Many miles and manny tears_

_Times were hard but now they're changing_

_You should know that I'm not afraid_

Dean laughed at Cas. "Come on, Cas! You love this song and you know it."

Cas chuckled and started singing along.

_Ooo I want you to stay_

_Ooo I want you today_

"IM READY FOR LOVE!"

"OH BABY IM READY FOR LOVE!"

"READY FOR LOVE!"

"OH BABY IM READY FOR YOUR LOVE!"

* * *

The Impala pulled into a small dingy motel that was discovered by Castiel a few moments ago.

Nightfall was arriving. The air felt cool but still warm from earlier. The ongoing scent of grass and mildew reeked into the Impala.

They didn't know where they were, but it didn't matter. The road trip was amazing for both of them.

Dean was asleep, and has been for an hour or two. The light snore that escaped Deans mouth kept Castiel awake, long enough to check into their dusty motel room.

"Dean, wake up, honey." Cas whispered as he lightly shook his fragile shoulder.

Dean snorted a bit before opening his eyes and yawning.

"Where are we, Cas?" Dean asked.

"Motel." Cas yawned. "Somewhere in some state. Tired."

Dean sat up slowly. "King or two Queens?"

"Two queens. Guy thinks your my cousin." Cas mumbled.

"We can push the beds together." Dean suggested.

Cas nodded approvingly, handing Dean the keys to the Impala and motel room. His eyelids felt heavy, gaining weight every time he decided to blink. "Tired." Cas repeated.

"Okay. Lets get you to bed." Dean nodded. He picked Cas up bridal style, ignoring the searing pain that was welling up in his bones and what was left of his muscles. Cas wasn't heavy, it was just that Dean was weak. But he was slowly getting stronger.

Dean carried Cas into the motel lobby, keys cradled in Cas' lap. A scruffy old man at the counter stared at them. Dean motioned towards Cas with his eyes. "He fainted outside, sir. It happens often."

The man still remain suspicious. "I have his meds. No worries, sir." Dean continued.

Dean could feel Cas' chest quiver with contained laughter. He wasn't fully asleep yet, especially after the cover up by Dean.

The man nodded, letting Dean and Cas go on their way.

"Nice save." Cas whispered as they walked down the hallway.

"Wouldn't be the first time that happened, Cas." Dean assured.

"Hey..." Cas warned him along with a smack on the bicep.

"Kidding, Cas. What show have you been watching this whole time?" Dean joked.

"Not the soap operas."

"Hey. Watch it, Cas." Dean asserted. "Those shows are deep and life provoking."

"If you say so, Dean." Cas gave up. He was too damn tired.

The motel room was not half bad. There were some suspicious stains on certain places, and no toilet paper, but it was not half bad.

The beds were pushed together, just as Dean said. They fell asleep instantly, ready to awaken to another great day. Just the two of them.


	30. Chapter 30

**Authors Note: Okay heyyyy. I hope you guys enjoyed a relatively happy chapter. This one is also pretty happy so yay ._.**

**I forgot to explain in yesterdays author note, about the song Ready for Love. It happens to be one of my favorite songs so thats why I put it in there. Also, It was a song in Supernatural, when Dean was having sex so yeah I dunno. And the song has some meaning in it and I thought that it fit the story and the chapter well. **

**So yeah I hope you enjoy the chapter today. I really really like it. I think you guys will too. **

**Also, My little coffee cubes, please review. They literally make me the happiest person ever. I am not kidding. **

**Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoy Chapter 30**

* * *

The small fogged up window of the motel, let loose strands of light peer into the room. The multitudes of dust floating in the air were vivid in the sunlight, making the room appear ten times dirtier than it was.

Cas moaned into his pillow. For the first time since college started, he was well rested and ready for the day. As he sat up in the bed, he noticed Dean missing. Cas' heart skipped at least three beats, at least.

_Where did he go?_ Cas thought. _Oh god, drinking. _

He began to breathe again once he heard the faucet running from the bathroom. Dean walked out with a tooth brush in his hand and residues of toothpaste on his shirt and mouth.

"Rise and shine, Cas." Dean said louder than usual, to wake Cas up. "What, you gonna sleep all day?"

"No." Cas grunted.

"Good. So get your perky ass out of bed. We gotta move on." Dean continued.

"Waiittttt." Cas whined. "Breakfast."

"Already taken care of, hon." Dean assured. He gestured towards a small table. A white linen table cloth covered the small cart, food on top of that.

"Oh." Cas yawned.

"Dig in, hon." Dean said as he grabbed a plate of pancakes, bacon, and eggs and handed to Cas. He grabbed the second plate of food for himself.

They ate in silence for a while. Just like the motel room, the food was not half bad.

"This is nice." Cas smiled. "Thank you, Dean."

"No problem, Cas. I should be the one thanking you. Ive been such an ass lately and you took me on this road trip and now look at me. I feel great."

"Thats wonderful to hear." Cas said, "And it wasn't your fault for your actions. You've been through a lot."

"Yeah well, thanks, Cas." Dean leaned in to kiss Cas. The kiss was short but sweet. As in The-Maple-Syrup-That-Cas-Tasted-In-Deans-Mouth, sweet.

They continued to eat in silence. Dean stuffed a fork load of eggs into his mouth.

"I asked the lobby guy where we were." Dean said, eggs sloshing in his mouth and spurring outside of it.

"Chew." Cas ordered.

Dean gave him Bitch Face #37 and chewed his food before speaking again.

"You and your OCD." Dean complained. Cas smiled proudly. "Anyways," Dean continued, "So I asked the guy what state we were in. He asked how you were. I said fine. Because damn, Cas. You. Are. So. Fine." Dean smirked as he slapped Cas' ass.

"Shut up." Cas retorted. "Go on."

"And then he said that we were about 20 miles south of Santa Fe."

"New Mexico?"

"Bingo."

"Wow. Ive never been to New Mexico."

"Then, welcome to New Mexico, hon."

More silence. Dean and Cas finished their breakfast and decided to move on with the road trip.

"Where should we go next, Dean?" Cas asked Dean, who was in the bathroom.

A flush came from the bathroom and Dean walked outside, wiping his hands on his sweat pants.

"Damn, no toilet paper." He grunted.

He looked to Cas and started to wag his finger. "Ah ah ah, Cas. No plan. Just drive."

* * *

"Cas wake up." Dean said as he shook him, until he jerked upright. "We're here, Cas."

"Where?" Cas grumbled. "Why is it dark outside?"

"Its called night, hon." Dean teased. "You slept all day."

"Where are we?"

Dean checked the rear view mirror as he was parking the Impala. "Hmm. Some beach near...Palo Alto I think."

"California?" Cas asked.

"Again, bingo." Dean replied as the Impala engine turned off.

"Why'd you choose California?"

"I didn't. I just...drove."

"I used to live in California." Cas muttered. " I hate California."

"But see, Cas, you love the beach."

"So?"

"So," Dean stepped out of the car and continued speaking, "Were at a beach."

"Fine. But I'm driving next."

"Awesome."

The beach was a vast one. Empty. It was a beach where you would wake up at 5 in the morning, just to be in the presence of the sunrise. At any spot on the beach, you could be able to feel the warm sun blazing on your skin.

The crystal blue waters of the ocean glistened as the waves rose and crashed. The sound brought peace and stillness to the night.

"Wow." Dean gasped. "Ive never been to a beach before. Only pools."

Cas caught up with him, looking of into the distance like Dean was. "Yes its great. Ive never been to a beach at-" He checked his watch, "three twenty six in the morning."

Dean sighed, taking in his surroundings. When he moved out of his apartment, he tried to do the same, but this, this was different. You cant force when this happens. It just comes to you.

Its when the world doesn't surround you and make you feel small. Its when you feel big and proud. Strong. And you become part of the world. Not just a by stander.

This was that one moment, when he felt purposed. Castiel was with him, and together, they were strong. Unbreakable.

"Awesome." Dean laughed. "This is awesome."

"Indeed." Cas agreed.

"Well, I'm going in." Dean said.

He immediately ran out to the ocean, his arms flailing above his head, screaming carelessly, and crying from overwhelming joy.

Cas soon followed after him, doing the same thing.

They both ran in the cold, flesh numbing water. It felt soothing against their skin as they threw water up towards the sky, only to have it fall back down to them.

Dean shrieked as Cas splashed the freezing water into his face, causing Dean to chase Cas around in the water.

The water slowed down the chase, restricting their legs from moving. Cas dived down under the water and Dean, the same.

It wasn't hard to see under water. The water was clear and the moon light was penetrating through the water, allowing them to see each other.

Dean caught up with Cas and grabbed his ankle, pulling him back where Dean was swimming.

Cas laughed, which made bubbles escape his mouth, and rise to the surface. He kissed Deans forehead. Dean was baffled by the kiss, mainly because it was underwater. And really, underwater kisses are pretty rare and different, so, Dean kissed him back. Lips this time.

Dean and Cas laid on a blanket in the sand. The sand seeped through the cracks of their feet, between each toe, filling in the space with somehow seemingly warm, plush sand.

Their clothes were wet. But that didn't matter. They just lay there. Happy.

"You know, Dean," Cas started, "This was the best time of my life. This road trip."

"Thats nice to hear." Dean replied. "Me too. Especially after what happened. But I'm good now."

"Im so glad. Can I tell you something?" Cas asked, his voice was a soft but firm whisper.

"Anything." Dean commended.

"I was worried about you."

"Honestly, Cas, I kinda knew that. I mean, you're my boyfriend. I wouldn't exactly be surprised."

"No, Dean. Worried that you might kill yourself."

Silence.

"Dean?"

More silence.

"Dean, are you okay?"

"Fine."

Cas sighed. _Way to ruin the perfect night, Cas._ He thought.

"Im sorry, Dean."

"No, Cas. You're just lookin' out for me. Thats all. And yes, I did think about doing that. But this road trip made me realize that I got you now. You kept saying that we were family and everything was gonna be okay. And I didn't believe either of those things. But now, I do, Cas. I really do."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Cas?"

"Dean."

"Did you fall asleep?"

"No."

"Are you tired?"

"No."

"..."

"..."

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Okay."

"..."

"Woah Cas. What are you doing?"

"Hold on."

"Woah Cas. Nice bod."

"Shut up and kiss me."

"..."

"..."

"Cas not on the beach. In a hotel room."

"Dean. Let me do this."

"Cant say no to you wanting to bang me."

"Shut up. Don't ruin it. First time, remember?"

"Yeah for both of us."

"Right. So shut up. And. Kiss. Me."

"Lets do it."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

**Two and a half hours later.**

"That was fun, Cas."

"Best time of my life."

"..."

"I love you Dean."

"I love you to Cas."


	31. Chapter 31

**Authors Note: Haha! Yay they finally...well...you know...did it. :D **

**It seems like a lot of you enjoyed that part yesterday so that pleases me greatly :)**

**This chapter I think is pretty short, if i'm not mistaken. But nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it. **

**So my green pear apples, please review. And thank you to anyone who has responded in anyway to this story. Your support and comments help me continue doing what I love so thank you.**

**AND WE CANNOT FORGET ABOUT THE 39TH BIRTHDAY OF THE OVERLORD MISHA COLLINS. HE IS MY FAVORITE HUMAN BEING IN THIS WORLD AND I CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM AND IM SO EXCITED TO MEET HIM IN OCTOBER.**

**Please, for his birthday, do a random act of kindness or go donate money to .org. I am about to go into like the downtown part of my city and leave letters around for people to pick up. I hope it will cheer them up as well as bring awareness to Misha's birthday and his organization.**

**Thank you for reading. Enjoy Chapter 31!**

* * *

"Cas, Where the hell are you taking me?"

"Im not telling you. Its a surprise, Dean."

"Ugh Cas we've been driving forever. Lets just get a motel room, I think I saw one a few miles back."

"No we can only do this tonight."

"Fine."

They've been driving the whole day, only stopping once for burgers and to pee. Its not like they were in a rush. They were waiting for another amazing adventure to begin, just like the beach.

The radio was playing softly while they drove. The road was empty, like most of the roads they drive on. Dean leaned his head against the window, his hair soaking up the condensation build up.

"You having fun, Cas?" Dean asked.

"Absolutely. Especially since...you know." Cas confessed.

Dean chuckled. "Yeah Cas. Especially that. That was amazing."

"Good. Good." Cas' voice trailed off. He couldnt deny how tired he was, but after 2 weeks of road tripping, his ability to stay awake had improved dramatically.

"So what do you think is going to happen once we return home?" Cas asked.

He hadn't thought much about their normal lives while on this trip, which was a good thing since he wasn't supposed to. But now, the future was starting to catch up with Cas, making his head whirl with curiosity and confusion.

"Don't know." Dean replied after a while, "Continue our normal lives. Finish college. The norm. Honestly, I wish we didn't have to go back home. I like living on the road."

"Yeah. And we are good at it." Cas added.

"Can we do this again, then?"

"Of course." Cas assured Dean.

"Awesome." Dean commented.

A couple street signs appeared well off into the distance. The foggy headlights of the Impala let Cas see them clearly.

"Oh damn it." Cas grunted.

"Whats up?"

"It seems that where we are heading to, is a couple more hours away. I didn't remember the location correctly." Cas muttered.

"How long?" Dean asked.

"At least another four hours." Cas replied.

"Cas noooo," Dean complained, "Im tired...And theres no motel close enough here."

"Didnt you just say you saw a motel?" Cas questioned him.

"I lied." Dean shrugged.

"We can sleep in here. It seems to be safe in here." Cas suggested.

"This car...Is not an 'it', Cas. She's a girl. She, Cas. SHE." Dean reminded him.

"Oh you and your car issues." Cas squinted his eyes towards Dean.

"She's my baby." Dean shrugged. "I gotta take care of her."

"I understand." Cas said jokingly, petting Deans hair.

"I knew you would." Dean replied as he kissed Cas' cheek.

"So we're sleeping here then?"

"Why not?" Dean smiled.

And then, just like the first night, they both fell asleep instantly, but this time, in each others arms.

* * *

Dean woke up. His head was spinning with tension. His eye sight blurry and disoriented.

_Sorry baby your amazing,_ Dean thought,_ but damn. Never again will I sleep in you._

Cas wasn't in the car, although he heard him talking to someone rather loudly.

Dean arched his back as he sat up, craning his neck from side to side.

"Are you fucking serious?!" Dean heard Cas yell.

He looked out of the dewy window of the Impala and realized that Cas was talking on the phone.

"Tell me your joking." Cas bellowed. His voice loud but quivering from fear.

"Cas, hon, Is everything okay?" Dean asked, stepping out of the Impala.

Cas noticed Dean but ignored him. "Oh god no!" Cas cried. His legs gave out under him and soon, he was on his knees, face to the ground.

"Cas!" Dean screamed. He ran over to Cas who continued to cry on the dirt and gravel road.

"Oh god this cant be happening." Cas wept. "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS SHIT!? WHAT GOD. HUH? COME ON DAMN IT, TELL ME. BECAUSE I FUCKING PRAYED TO YOU, EVERY NIGHT. EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN NIGHT."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' shaking body. "Shhh, Cas. Its okay."

"IM SORRY, DEAN. EVERYTHING IS RUINED." Cas continued to yell, waving his hands angrily in the air.

"Shh. Tell me what happened." Dean replied, comfortingly.

Cas' breaths were short and inconsistent. "The (gasp) house (gasp)."

"What about it?" Dean asked, quietly.

"Fire."


	32. Chapter 32

**Authors Note: Hey everyone. Sorry this chapter is being posted so late. Today was just really weird. I went to go babysit but then when I got home, I just felt like really depressed and like in a drag. I tried watching episodes of Supernatural to cheer me up but it just like didnt work. Everything at the moment is just waiting to explode I guess. I have freshman orientation tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it at all. I dont really have any friends. Yeah im socially awkward, and I developed it over the summer so now everyones gonna wonder what happen and why im even more weird than before. My only friend really is Kate and shes going to a different school so yeah. Im not really looking forward to the future. Im sorry for ranting about my feelings. I hate doing this because I wouldnt want to burden any of you with my feelings and shit. **

**But yeah okay my sugary pie dumplings, please enjoy the chapter and please dont hesitate to review. **

**I love each and every one of you and thank you so much for reading. **

**Chapter 32!**

* * *

The Impala has never driven faster than it did that morning. Dean could've sworn he saw continuous tire tracks appear behind them.

The tears that escaped Cas' eyes flew behind him, hitting the back of his neck and the car seat.

They sat in silence. The hum of the car engine tuned out the sniffles of Cas. Dean didn't cry. He just thought it seemed suspicious that the apartment caught on fire. No one was in it. As least he thought no one was.

"Cas, its okay. Im sure there wasn't a lot of damage." Dean hinted, as he reached over, folding his own hand into Cas'.

" Th-th-the Insurance g-g-g-guy said th-that most o-o-f it was de-st-t-t-oried!" Cas whimpered.

"Its gonna be okay, Cas. Im sure Bobby'll let me work extra hours to pay for new stuff." Dean assured him. "Hell, maybe Bobby'll let us crash at his place until we get the insurance money."

"N-n-n-o Dean. Ill f-i-i-ind us a p-lace to stay." Cas sniffed.

"Stop, Cas. Let me do this for you." Dean argued. "After all, you took me on this road trip. Its the least I could do for you, hon."

"I-i-i-m sorry t-t-the road trip w-w-w-a-s rui-n-n-ned."

"It wasn't ruined, Cas. I had the best time of my live. I'll remember it forever."

Cas didn't reply. His whimpers continued as Dean drove the car.

The fire left its mark on the apartment and that was obvious to Dean and Cas when they arrived at the scene. Yellow caution tape was dressed all around the area, signaling where the fire had been as if it was hard to decipher. Police officers were scattered around the site, some on walkie talkies, some talking to other officers.

They drove up next to the apartment complex. The majority of the apartment remained unharmed but it was obvious on which apartment belonged to Dean and Cas. The scorched walls of their apartment stayed standing, although the rest of the apartment was ruble on the ground, collecting dust.

A police officer approached the drivers side of the Impala, knocking on the window lightly, ordering Dean to roll down the window.

"Hey son." The officer greeted Dean. "How ya doing?"

"Officer." Dean responded. He recognized the officer as the same officer who gave Dean the news of Sam and John's death. "We're great." Dean added, patting Cas on the shoulder.

"Thats good to hear, son. I noticed this was your apartment so I decided to join this rodeo. After all you've been through and now this," He said gesturing towards the burned building, "its good to keep your feet on the ground, ya know."

Dean nodded. "I hear ya. So whats the back story on this thing?"

The officer looked behind him, then returned his attention towards Dean. "Well I gotta tell you, son, this situation don't look so good. I realize you boys were out of town when this fire happened, so no one would've been in the apartment. But the source of the fire was confirmed."

"Is that so?" Dean tilted his head. "How?"

"We found melted remains of a plastic red container. For car gas."

"Impossible." Dean retorted. "How did that get in the apartment, officer?"

"Well son, we managed to get our hands on the security footage from that night of the fire. Detectives' already seen it. Says that a young lookin' guy was carrying in those gas container things and a lighter. I haven't seen the tape myself so I wouldn't be so sure. If you boys are up to it, we can check out the footage together."

"Sounds great, sir." Dean looked over to Cas who had stayed silent the whole time. He stared at Dean with big eyes. Dean hesitated for a moment.

"You know what, officer? Why don't we just get a motel room for tonight. Its been kinda a long day for both of us." Dean suggested as he looked at Cas.

"No problem, son. Be sure to meet me here in the mornin' and we can take a look at our criminal." The officer left them with a pat on Deans shoulder and the Impala hood.

Dean shook his head as he started up the engine again. "You know, Cas. This doesn't make any sense."

Cas cocked his head towards Dean, squinting his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Well Im just sayin', Cas. Why would some bastard want to torch our apartment?" Dean grunted.

"It may have been a mistake, Dean. Or maybe the man who set fire to the apartment was drunk. It could be anything." Cas told him.

"Yeah, well, we'll find out tomorrow on who this idiot is so I can square him in the jaw and get our money." Dean muttered.

"Dean. There will be no squaring." Cas disciplined.

"Yeah. We'll see."

They checked into their motel apartment. This time, checking into a motel was not a new adventure to them, like all the previous times they checked into motels on the road trip. This motel, was not necessary. It just, wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to be like this.

"I hope things will get sorted out soon." Cas told Dean as he climbed into bed.

"Yeah. Hopefully." Dean replied as he lay down next to Cas. " But I don't know, this fire just doesn't seem...right. Like some crazy bastard did it specifically for us. Ya know, to tell us something."

"Well that might be a bit of an exaggeration but that does raise a good point."

"Yeah. I just wanna know why." Dean added.

"You and me both."


	33. Chapter 33

**Authors Note: Hey everyone! Sorry for being kind of in a shit mood. Yesterday was not really the best day but thank you for being kind about it. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It was so fun to see who you thought caused the fire. It was a bit obvious about who caused it but its a little different than what some of you said. **

**So my little peach pops, I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will post a new chapter tomorrow! **

**I hope you enjoy the chapter and please review!**

**Chapter 33! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Nice to see you boys again." The officer greeted Dean and Cas. "Got a good nights rest I hope."

Dean and Cas shook hands with the police officer. "Yes sir." Dean replied. It wasn't a lie. After all that has happened, they were in desperate need of a good nights rest.

"You boys ready to take a look at the tape? Got it right here." He said holding up a small plastic box, with a small black tape inside.

"Yeah sounds good, officer. Mind if we check out the place before?" Dean asked.

"No problem." The officer said, and then left them to speak with another officer.

Cas turned to Dean. "Why do you want to see the apartment? Everything is ruined." Cas mumbled.

"I just wanna see if anything looks fishy. Plus, you never know, there could be something still alive in there." Dean hinted as he held Cas' hand in his own.

They walked inside the building. It was still study enough for people to live in, all that was damaged was Dean and Cas' apartment.

"I understand people will be moving back in their apartments after the detective's find out how the fire started." Cas explained.

Dean didn't reply.

They approached of what was left of their front door. The inside of the apartment was scorched, burned, and everything that the eye caught, was ruined.

The memories that were carried in that apartment were scorched, burned, and ruined. Even though not every memory or event that took place in that apartment were good, but they carried a new chapter in Dean and Cas' lives, and now, that was all scorched. Burned. Ruined.

"Oh god." Cas gasped out. He walked over to where the TV used to stand. The books that were scattered all around the apartment and the on the table, were just ashes. Cas lightly touched the cover of what used to be The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. The front cover crumbled beneath his fingertips, the dust flying into his face.

Dean walked over to Cas. "This is horrible." Dean whispered.

"Yes. Im afraid so." Cas replied.

Dean looked onto the table, where they used to spend most of their days watching TV, reading, playing guitar, and listening to their record player.

On the floor, laid Deans most prized possession. His guitar. What used to be the smooth surfaced, wooden beauty, was now a dark wood ash encrusted piece of crap. All the beauty of it was stripped away in the fire. Dean gently picked it up. The structure of the guitar barely seemed to be stable. The strings were dismembered from the neck of the guitar.

"Damn." Dean whispered. He set the guitar down. It was too painful to see that guitar broken.

But then, a dusty red bow caught his eye.

"The record player." Cas noticed Dean eying it.

"Its ruined." Dean confirmed.

What used to be the shinny, new, beautifully painted red record player, was just a big piece of metal now. It wasn't pretty anymore. It couldnt play music anymore. The bow that Dean kept on the record player cover, was stained with burns from the fire.

"It was so beautiful though." Dean told Cas.

Cas nodded as a small tear tricked down his cheek.

The boys exited the apartment feeling weighed down. The fire left their lives in the dirt. Just like all their belongings, how they were burned and ruined, so were their lives. The fire left their lives ruined, stained with tragedy and faults.

Dean and Cas approached the officer. "We're ready." Dean affirmed.

The officer turned to them, smiling. "Alright boys, lets go."

The drive to the police station gave time for anxiety to build up in the stomachs of Dean and Cas. They were ready to have justice served. They were ready for hardships in their lives, to be over.

"So I followed up with the detective. The names' Ellen Harvelle. Hell of a lady." The officer told them. He lead Dean and Cas into a small room. A small box TV with a cassette player lay on a round oak table, surrounded by chairs.

"Anyways," The officer continued, "She thinks that this fire was intentional. For you two."

"Yeah we figured that." Dean intruded.

The officer smirked at Deans remark. "She'll be here soon. She can tell you more than I can."

Ellen Harvelle busted the door open. "Hello boys." She laughed. "Nice to finally meet you two. Im Ellen."

Ellen Harvelle had a rather casual outfit for a detective. Jeans and an open button shirt thrown over a tank top. Her smile was warm and comforting. The same smile your mom would give you when you received good grades. Her face showed a softness to it, but there was a side of her that was strong and fearless.

She shook hands with the boys and the officer. "Officer Campbell. Always good to see you."

"Ellen." Officer Campbell smiled. Dean realized he never bothered to figure out the officer's name. His mind was busy with other thoughts.

"Mind runnin' your names by me again?" Ellen asked as she sat down.

"Im Dean." Dean told her. "Dean Winchester."

"Winchester?" Ellen asked. "Johns boy?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Sorry to hear about him, son. He was a good man. Slightly aggressive, but good. I worked a couple cases with him back in the day."

"That so?" Dean cocked his head.

"Sure is. He loved you boys so much." Ellen continued to smile. "And who is this cutie pie here?"

"This is Cas." Dean answered.

"Castiel." Cas smiled. "Novak."

"Nice to meet ya'. Lets get down to it, shall we?" Ellen said, pulling the cassette player along with the TV, towards her.

"Bring it on." Dean sighed.

She inserted the tape into the player, adjusted a few dials on the TV, and the recording started.

The recording started with the hallway outside of Dean and Cas' apartment.

"Okay so what we have here is the hallway just before 5 in the morning." Ellen explained.

A person walked into the hallway. He looked oddly familiar.

"Here he is." Ellen gasped. She leaned in forward to the TV. "Thats our suspect. Maybe early twenties, maybe lower. Cant distinguish him from the tape. He was sure to keep his face away from the camera."

The suspect walked across the hallway. He was wearing a jacket with the hood draped over his head, masking his identity.

"See what he's got in his hand?" Ellen pointed at the screen, where the suspects hands held something. "That the gas container that was found in your apartment, along with a lighter."

Dean's eyes were glued to the screen. He needed to know who this person was.

"Okay so here on Camera 2, we see him enter your apartment. He's got a hand for lock picking," Ellen continued. "But then, moments later, as we see, he leaves. But see this! He's not carrying the lighter or container."

"God." Cas whispered under his breath.

"Nobody came in the hallway for another 10 minutes or so." Ellen said as she sped up the tape.

"So, are you pretty sure this guy did it?" Dean asked Ellen.

"We aren't finished yet, Winchester." Ellen grinned.

"So fast forward ten minutes later," She starts again. "The only thing we see is this..."

On the tape, another figure came in the hallway. But it wasn't the same suspect, it was a girl. It was Lisa.

"Lisa." Dean breathed out.

Ellen turned to him. "You know this girl?"

"Yeah. Crazy ex girlfriend." Dean muttered. "Whats she doing there?"

"Well, so apparently, this girl, Lisa, comes into the hallway. But this is it." Ellen grunted.

"Wait, wait." Cas interrupted. "What do you mean, this is it?"

"She walks in, the cameras go dark." Ellen told them. "Some one broke the power cords to the cameras so we weren't able to see what Lisa has to do with all this."

"What the Hell?" Dean hissed. "Thats it?"

"Perhaps the person who broke the power cord to the cameras, was helping Lisa. Maybe they were, as you say, partners in crime." Cas suggested.

"Could be, sweetie. Im thinking it was the first suspect who broke the cords." Ellen added.

"God this is too much." Dean mumbled. His head was swirling with pain, confusion, and betrayal.

"So," Ellen said ignoring Dean, "You boys get some rest. Ill get a hold of this Lisa girl, and we can ask her a couple questions."

"Great." Cas smiled. "Thank you Ms. Harvelle."

"Please, Cassy. Call me Ellen." She said patting Cas and Dean on the back. "I'll see you boys."

Dean and Cas walked out of the police station. No one knew how they really feel. The past couple days had just been a blur to them.

Dean walked up to the Impala, shaking his head, trying to make sense of all that had happened.

"Heya, Dean." A voice arose from the front seat of the Impala. Dean widened his eyes, as if they were deceiving him. This felt like a dream, but Dean, even Cas, knew it wasn't a dream.

"Adam."


	34. Chapter 34

**Authors Note: Hey guys! So this is the last chapter I have written so far. I usually write ahead so the chapters you are getting are from like days or weeks ago but now its all caught up. So because of that, I am not positive if I will post another chapter tomorrow or not. I might start to post every other day or every couple days because school is starting soon and I am not sure on the amount of homework. **

**Thank you so much for supporting this story. I hope I can narrow down the chapters on this story because it is pretty lengthy. The ending I have planned out needs to happen so yeah, thats why you get the events that take place. Just like any other story, everything that has happened will contribute to the ending of the story, so remember the details!**

**So I hope you enjoy the chapter and please please please review my butter pumpkin berries! This chapter might clear up a little bit of the mystery. If it doesn't, then I hope it does in the next couple chapters. Gosh I don't know, we'll see. Its not like I plan to write what I write :D**

**Thank you so much for reading. Here's Chapter 34! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Oh look who broke out of Hell. This clown." Dean smirked, pointing at Adam while looking at Cas.

"And it looks like you recovered from that freak attack well." Adam replied. "Credits to me." He laughed to himself as he rested his hands around the steering wheel.

Dean opened the Impala door. "Fun's over, Milligan. Go home."

"I would, Winchester. Too bad, though. Theres something that I gotta say." Adam said, not getting up from the drivers seat.

"When I see you in Hell, then we'll talk." Dean grunted. He kept the door open.

"No, Dean. Im serious." Adam lost his smile and gained a small hint of seriousness. Not enough to convince Dean, though.

"Ha." Dean interjected.

"What is it, Adam?" Cas took over Deans position as the communicator.

"Oh, Cassy!" Adam chirped. "I didn't see you under all those angel wings you got going on for yourself.

"Adam. Please. We're in a rush." Cas lied.

"Fine. Well, since I am such a nice person, Im willing to give you some information about the good ol' fire that happened here." Adam told them, basking in his own personal glory.

"Don't listen to him, Cas. He's a lying bastard." Dean growled. "Why would you want to help us?"

"I have my reasons." Adam smirked.

"Again, Cas. He's a lying bastard. Get out of my car, Milligan." Dean's face soured as he said Adam's name. His name now disgusted him.

"Dean, shush." Cas ordered. "Go on, Adam."

"It was Lisa." Adam said. "Lisa did it. She got some filthy boyfriend of hers to bring her the gas. She told me yesterday."

"Yeah, we knew that." Dean barked at Adam. "We saw her on the tape. Before it got cut off."

"Well then," Adam smirked, adjusting a plain silver ring that was squeezed into his ring finger. Right hand, of course. "I guess you didn't need me after all."

"Yeah. So get the Hell out of my baby." Dean hissed, grabbing Adams shoulder, throwing him out of the car.

"Thank you for your help, Adam." Cas said to Adam before he drove away in his own car.

Dean sat in the car, petting it. "Oh baby, did he hurt you?"

"That was nice of Adam." Cas said as he slid into the passengers seat.

"Yeah. Too nice." Dean muttered. "There was something up with him. Ive known him long enough. I can tell when he's lying, you know."

"Or maybe he was just being nice, Dean. People can change." Cas suggested.

"Well at least we know who created the fire. All we need to do is figure out who gave her the gas." Dean started the engine and drove out of the station parking lot.

"We could just ask her."

"Yeah. Or we could find out for ourselves." Dean smiled, holding up the tape.

"Awesome." Cas laughed.

* * *

They arrived back to the motel. This mystery was unraveling rather fast for both of them, which was good. They couldnt wait to have their own house back. Starting a new life was all on both of their minds now, and they didn't dare let that idea escape.

"Lets pop this baby in!" Dean announced as they opened their room door. He ran to the small TV, opening the cassette player and inserting the tape in.

"I wonder who helped her. They seemed to have planned out the fire well." Cas commented.

"Well, Cassy, We're about to find out!" Dean chimed. Dean hadn't been this happy since the road trip. The road trip that seemed years ago, but was only a few days back.

"Don't call me Cassy." Cas grumbled.

Dean ignored Cas' comment and played the tape. They started the recording at the same spot where Ellen started the recording earlier that day.

"Okay, okay, okay." Dean said, his eyes locked on the TV. He sounded vaguely similar to Ellen when she first showed them the tape.

"There he is!" Cas pointed out. Dean paused the tape.

"Ive seen him before. I know I have." Dean thought out loud.

The arched back, long legs, fairly toned body along with some small shoulders. Dean was positive he knew this guy.

"We can't see his face." Cas pointed out.

"I know but...he just...Ive seen him somewhere, okay?" Dean stammered.

The suspects hands tightly gripped the gas container. A lighter was hanging out of his hoodie pocket. As if he wanted the camera to see it.

"God damn it, who is he?!" Dean shouted angrily. He was quickly getting frustrated.

A bell chimed from the pocket of Cas' jeans. He took out his phone and noted the caller. "Its Ellen."

"Answer it, damn it." Dean shouted as he covered his face with his palms.

"Hi, Ellen." Cas said over the phone.

Dean dug his face into the bed sheets, taking a whiff of the cigarette scented cotton.

"Yes we have it...Thank you...You did?...And?...I wouldn't expect her to either...No I am not familiar with the name...Thats rather odd...Yes we are looking at it...We can try but it's hard to comprehend...Yes we will...See you...Thank you...Bye."

"Ugh." Dean complained.

"That was Ellen." Cas announced again.

"Yeah no shit. What'd she want?"

"They went to talk to Lisa. They put her in custody and asked her questions. At first, she didn't tell them who her helper was. Then, she let out a name. Chuck Shurley, I think it was."

"Chuck. I know Chuck. He's a writer like you, Cas. Maybe a little psychotic. He calls himself God a lot so I can see why Lisa framed him. So was he really the guy?"

"Ellen said that they took him in custody too. He was saying that he didn't do anything. That he didn't have anything against us. Apparently, he was begging to be freed. Crying even." Cas said shamefully. He looked down to the dirt shagged carpet.

"Damn. Maybe It wasn't him. I don't know. This guy, looks familiar, but he's not Chuck. Chuck is shorter than this guy." Dean confirmed.

"They're still keeping him in custody, until they find the real guy." Cas added. "Ellen wants us to call her if we can make a conclusion on the suspects identity."

"Okay, well, lets get to it." Dean mumbled.

* * *

"Dean its been four hours. You need to get some rest. Eat or something." Cas said to Dean.

Dean had been positioned in front of the TV for the past four hours. The tape was paused on the clearest visual he could get of the suspect and was left there the majority of the time.

"No. Cas. I almost got it." Dean said, not taking his eyes away from the screen.

"Dean." Cas protested. "I think you sh-"

"Oh my god." Dean gasped. "Oh my...DAMN IT CAS."

"What?" Cas said, confused.

"OH MY GOD THAT BASTARD." Dean yelled, the sound piercing through Cas' ears.

"What, Dean?"

Dean grabbed his phone from the floor, his fingers flying over the keypad as he entered Ellen's number.

"I got that bastard now." Dean growled, not looking up to Cas. "I cant believe. After all the shit I took from him!"

"What the hell is going on..." Cas said in a monotone.

Dean held the phone up to his ear. He paced back and forth in the room which didn't help the fact that he was dizzy. Sweat was starting to build up on the back of his neck.

"The ring, Cas." Dean muttered, facing the window.

Cas looked at the TV, and then back at Dean. "Yeah he has a ring. So what?" Cas was still confused.

Dean ignored him, since Ellen picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Ellen answered.

"Ellen, its Dean," He spoke fast on the phone. The words barely escaped his mouth. His breathing increased, so did the volume of his voice. "I got him."


	35. Chapter 35

**Authors Note: Hey guys! So Ive been up north all day so I didnt have time to write until like now. So yeah this chapter was just written. **

**I hope you guys enjoy it! Im not sure if ill post a chapter tomorrow. I hope I do though!**

**So my potato honey buns, thank you for reading and reviewing! **

**PS Im writing this in the dark because my whole family is sleeping and here I am, just posting chapters of fanfiction for the internet. **

**Here's Chapter 35! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Nice work, Winchester." Ellen chuckled. "I knew you would be a natural at this kind of stuff. Just like your old man."

"Yeah thanks." Dean huffed, distracted by the paused tape which showed the suspect, who was now caught. "Adams' going to jail right?"

"Damn straight. He did contribute to the fire by giving Lisa the gas and lighter. He just left it for her and she did all the rest. As for that Chuck guy, he's innocent. Let him out last night. Poor kid." Ellen ranted.

"I knew I saw that ring from somewhere." Dean continued to observe the TV, ignoring Ellen's comments.

"You got a good eye on you, Winchester." Ellen smiled. "Im sure that you want to have a few words with Adam and Lisa, right?"

"W-what?" Dean blurted. His head jerked towards Ellen, knocking him out of his concentration.

"They're both sentenced to jail, sweetheart." Ellen patted Deans tense shoulder. "And they were your friends. You can give it to 'em straight. Make 'em think twice about treatin' you and poor Cas like that. Where is he, by the way?"

"Yeah, yeah. Ill go talk to them. Where?" Dean stood up, ignoring half of what Ellen said.

Dean was determined to get justice served. Especially since the last talk he had with Adam did not go as smooth as Dean would've liked. And Lisa, damn her. Dean suspected that it was Adam who told Lisa to set fire to their apartment. He probably told her about Cas too.

"Cops taking them to the county jail as we speak." Ellen confirmed.

"Awesome." Dean muttered as he stormed out of the police station, leaving Ellen sitting alone, somewhat clueless.

* * *

"Winchester." Adam soured. "Fancy seeing you here. Surprised to see me?"

"Listen buddy. Its you who's gettin' thrown in here. Not me. So you can waltz your way through any shitty joke you have, but its you who's in jail." Dean grunted.

Dean was seated at the opposite side of a table than Adam. He was dressed in a rotten orange jumpsuit, dirty from its past owners. The police guards allowed Dean to speak with Adam, as a visitor.

"Yeah Dean I know." Adam sighed. That was the first time in a long time Adam called him by his first name. "But its your own damn fault. You made me torch your apartment."

Dean scoffed to cover up the anger that welled up in his throat, making him swallow. "My fault?! How the hell is it my fault?!" He was yelling at Adam which sounded through the shallow room, echoing against the walls.

"You're gay." Adam muttered under his breath. "Thats what you did."

Dean squinted his face at that word. Gay. It was just another label that was now forever set on him. Just another label, like all the labels that he had gotten in his life. Failure. Soldier. Disappointment. Worthless. And now, Gay. It was just another label. He was taught to let these labels roll off his shoulder. But damn, this one, hurt more than it should've.

"Its not my fault for being bisexual." Dean corrected the term. "And Im happy. If you were really my friend, you would want me to be happy."

"Uh no. You were supposed to make me popular. And it worked right up until that damn Cas came into the picture. No dude who's licking other dudes faces is gonna be popular in this school." Adam leaned into the table, folding his hands together.

"Popular?" Dean was lost.

"Um yeah. Thats why people have friends, Dean. To help each other be liked, and...popular." Adam told him.

"No..." Dean gasped. His head was dizzy. He felt as if he was lost in this vortex of lies. Unable to escape the reality that Adam was just simply using Dean for his own personal advantage.

"Yeah, Dean." Adam was serious. "So when you turned, I guess, nobody wanted to hang with me. They thought that your gayness would rub off of me. But not to mention the fact that, you know, you're gay. Thats just sick man. So you got what you deserved."

"How could you?!" Dean breathed. He couldn't stay focused. His vision became clouded with tears and he slammed his fist into the cold, metal table before him.

"Well how could you?!" Adam barked back. "You deserve every single ounce of pain you get! And me," Adam smiled and started laughing. A laugh that was familiar. The same laugh at the auditorium, when Dean has his panic attack. "Im just making the punch sweeter. You're apartment burned in the fire. I just wish that you were there to burn with it."

"No." Dean couldn't say more than that. His mouth was quivering, as well as his whole body. Tears ran down his cheeks and pooled on the table.

"Yes, Winchester." Adam laughed again. "You aren't happy with Cas. And you know it. Because you know that you don't even deserve to be happy."

"No." Dean cried. "No. No."

"Its the truth, Dean." Adam shrugged.

Dean wiped his eyes from the tears. Anger built up in his body, making his blood pump faster and faster. "Im done."

And faster than Adam could continue to laugh, Dean ran out of that building. Like a bat out of hell.

* * *

"Dean?" Cas' voice was muffled by the pillow. "Is that you?"

"Yeah." Dean cleared his throat. "Its uh, me."

Cas rose his head from the pillow, wiping a small bit of drool left on his chin. He checked the clock. "Its 3 in the morning. Where were you? I thought you would come back here after going to the police station."

"Well, I didn't. Im not a kid anymore. I can take care of myself."

Cas walked over to Dean who kept his head low. "Are you okay?" Cas asked, patting down his hair since it was crazily arranged on his head.

"Fine." Dean muttered.

"Where were you?" Cas asked him.

"Out." Dean said, taking of his jacket and throwing it on the floor.

"Oh my god, Dean." Cas gasped. His voice grew shaky and quiet. "Your arm."

Dean glanced at his now exposed arm. "Shit."

His arm was covered with thick, scarlet red lines. Scabs were starting to form on the lines, but the red stayed vibrant.

"Dean. Oh, Dean." Cas cried into his hands. "Why?"

"Because, Cas," Dean began, not trying to comfort Cas. "Everything now is just shit. These were from a while ago." He said gesturing towards his arm. "But these were from tonight." He put his other arm out, which revealed more red slashes. No scabs were formed yet, but instead, small beads of blood were trapped in the cuts.

"Oh no, Dean. No!" Cas continued to cry. "Everything...(gasp) Is...(gasp)...going to...(gasp)...Be...(gasp...(gasp)...OKAY!"

"No, Cas. Its not. Adam told me its not. And damn, I believe him. I mean, look at us, Cas! Our lives have treated us like shit! And if God did give shits about us, he wouldn't make us go through this, but look, Even fucking God thinks that I deserve this. And I do."

"No, Dean! NO!" Cas screamed at him. "YOU DONT. I KNOW YOU DONT."

"Yes. I do." Dean was whispering now. His head remained low. "Um...Im drunk."

"You're...you're what?" Cas rubbed his eyes.

"Drunk." Dean repeated. "I needed some...alcoh...alcohol."

"Im sorry." Cas muttered. "But you don't. Adam cant tell you that. Its not true."

Dean didn't answer.

"Good things do happen, Dean." Cas said.

"Not in my experience."

Cas shook his head. "You just need to have faith, thats all."

"In what? God? He doesn't help." Dean muttered.

"No, Dean. Not in God." Cas told him. Dean never thought Cas would say that. "Faith in yourself." That either.

"Myself?" Dean looked up. Cas noticed his eyes were red, but it wasn't a shock to Cas. He's seen those beautiful green eyes, drown in evil pools of red way too many times.

"Yes, Dean. As soon as you have faith in the things you can achieve, then God will reward you on that. God works in mysterious ways." Cas assured him.

"Oh don't put that 'God works in mysterious ways' shit on me. He doesn't care, Cas. If he did, then he wouldn't put you and I through all this bullshit. Its not fair." Dean protested. His head felt heavy, as he got more and more tired.

"But I care, Dean. Ill make this all better." Cas attempted to comfort him.

"I know." Dean partially lied. He knew Cas cared. But not that he could make everything better. It seemed impossible.

"You should get some rest. We can talk about this in the morning." Cas guided Dean to the bed.

Dean didn't reply. He wasn't interested in discussing this. His mind was already set.


	36. Chapter 36

**Authors Note: So I just got back from vacation and I realized that I haven't written a chapter yet, so Im sorry if this one's like really bad. Im pretty tired and its about 2 in the morning. **

**I have to babysit tomorrow so I think I will write when I get back, so whoop whoop :D Oh god, I need some sleep. **

**I hope that yesterdays chapter was alright. It was written late at night as well so yeah, sorry if they're not up to par. If the whole "Adam" thing made you mad, welp, sorry. There's gotta be a bad guy in the story! I don't think i'm gonna put Lisa in the story. I just hated her character so I have no interest in writing her. And not to mention the fact that the story is starting to approach the ending.. awh. Sad face. **

**Okay my little lollipop cookies, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review! **

**Chapter 36! Enjoy! **

* * *

**One month later**

"Dean." Cas whimpered. He sat on the other end of the dinner table. "You need to get help."

They moved into a different apartment. It wasn't as nice, or as memorable as their old apartment. But it did the job. The Insurance money didn't cover much. It gave them just enough money for a new bed and a record player. Dean insisted on using the money for something important. But Cas said that this record player was more important than anything else.

Cas had started working at the library again to get money for the apartment. Dean hand't gone back to the repair shop yet. He was ashamed of his old habit resurfacing. He muddled through the apartment, just the same way he did before the road trip. He was back to square one.

"No." Dean grunted. "Im fine. You worry about you, Cas."

"Im sorry, Dean. You're just getting worse and worse. I cant stand to see you like this." Cas muttered as he stuffed a fork load of bland mashed potatoes in his mouth, not chewing, but just swallowing the tasteless mush.

"Getting help...would not help. It would make things worse, in fact." Dean pointed out. "I already know what they would say to me. Ive gotten help before."

Dean didn't touch his food. The plain potatoes and cheap unseasoned steak Cas' had prepared for them was not one of their favorite dishes. But lack of money, meant lack of food. Which also meant lack of seasoning.

"Eat." Cas ordered him, slightly changing the subject.

"Not hungry." Dean eyed the heap of potatoes on his plate.

Cas sighed. "Im trying to help, Dean. Please. I know its not good, but with the money we have right now, this is all we can get."

"No appetite." Dean sulked in his breath and leaned back in his chair.

"Would pie bring your appetite back?" Cas grinned.

Dean paused and looked up at Cas, giving him a weak smile and a cough. "You know it always will."

"Good." Cas laughed. "Because I got some. It was on sale and I thought it would make you happy."

Dean smiled and retrieved the pie from the fridge. "Cherry." Dean commended. "Thanks Cas. You're the best."

"Anything to see that smile." Cas beamed.

Dean scarfed the pie down in no time. Cas marveled at the fact that Dean could chow down an entire pie in less than thirty minutes without throwing up. Dean never ceased to amaze Cas.

* * *

"Whats that, Cas?" Dean asked, looking over Cas' shoulder to get a glimpse at the document on Cas' laptop.

"You know what it is." Cas told him. "My story. Thank goodness I had my laptop with me on the road trip. Otherwise, the whole story would've been gone. And this story, is a real keeper."

"What's it about anyways?" Dean sat down next to Cas on the floor. They didn't have a couch yet.

"Im not reading it to you until its done." Cas said.

"When's it gonna be done?" Dean asked.

"Damn it, Dean. You ask a lot of questions." Cas smiled.

"Hey, I think I've heard that before." Dean chuckled, as he kissed Cas on his forehead.

"In a month. I promise." Cas shut his eyes. "It will be done in a month."

"Can you at least tell me what the name of it is?" Dean pestered.

Cas looked at the laptop, then back at Dean. Smiling at Dean, he noticed how dull Deans eyes looked. But that didn't matter to Cas. At least, not right now.

"Pie." Cas told him. "You named it Pie."

"Shut up." Dean laughed as he shoved Cas' shoulder.

"I haven't given it a name yet." Cas corrected.

"Thats fine. As long as the story's good, then I'm a happy camper." Dean said.

"Its good." Cas assured him.

"Good."

"Hey, Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?"

"Are you okay?"

Dean didn't reply for a while, making Cas rather uncomfortable.

"Dean. Answer me." Cas commanded.

"What do you mean?" Dean finally responded.

"Are you...okay?" Cas restated.

"...No." Dean admitted.

"Have you hurt yourself recently?"

"Last week."

"Oh."

"Im sorry, Cas."

"I think you need to get help. Before this gets even worse." Cas suggested.

"I'll be fine, Cas. I was happy today. Im going back to work tomorrow. So everything is gonna be fine." Dean kept his head low whenever they had to talk about serious subjects, like this one. He never wanted to show Cas the shame and failure that Dean thought lurked and shone through his own face.

"Okay." Cas nodded. "But if this gets worse, you're getting help. No questions asked."

"Okay." Dean agreed.

"Lets get some rest." Cas told him. He started to get up, but then Deans hand caught the fabric of Cas' shirt, stopping him from walking to the bedroom.

"Can we sleep here tonight?" Dean asked him, pulling the record player that sat near him, closer. He opened the lid, and slid in a record, not paying attention which record he chose.

"Of course." Cas smiled at Dean and sat back down, setting the laptop further away from them.

And there they slept. The sound of the record playing lulled them to sleep, making every problem they were challenged with, disappear, just for that moment.


	37. Chapter 37

**Authors Note: So hello. **

**1. I am tired. No surprise there.**

**2. I am sorry for no chapters yesterday. This chapter just didnt want to be written so yeah, im sorry if its like really bad**

**3. I wrote a one shot Destiel story thing. I will post it after posting this chapter. **

**4. God damn it, im tired. **

**5. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**6. Sorry that its short. Im really tired. **

**7. My little cherry buns, please review. I love you all. **

**Chapter 37!**

* * *

"Dean?" Cas yelled through the empty, dark apartment. He had just came home from work, early. Thank God. Dean had told Cas he would be at work today, but Cas didn't think he would actually go.

Cas decided to make dinner for the both of them. It had been months since a real home cooked meal. All the shitty diner food and drive thru restaurants for the past month have been a real experience. But Cas would never do it again. Even though they had been home for a month, mashed potatoes and steak was normal in the Winchester/Novak household. So, Cas decided to make something a little more special. As a celebration, for finally getting back on their feet. Well, almost.

The smell of sautéed onions and grilled chicken arose and lingered in the apartment. Dean caught a whiff of it when he barged in through the door.

"Cas." Dean acknowledged.

"Hello, Dean." Cas smiled. "Welcome home. How was work?"

"Ugh." Dean trudged through the apartment, not looking at Cas but rather looking at the bottle of Brandy in his hand.

"Why do you have alcohol?" Cas asked him. He left his post as the chef, and followed Dean into the bedroom.

"Damn questions." Dean hissed. "Leave me alone, Cas."

"Dean, what happened? Didn't you go to work?" Cas sat down with Dean, who slumped against the off white, rigid wall.

"Leave me alone, Cas. My head hurts."

Cas had been a push over in the past. But this time, he was not going to let another one of these breakdowns slide. He was not going to let Dean slip through his fingers. Not now.

"Dean, no. Answer me. What the Hell happened?" Cas said sternly, but he kept his voice soft.

Dean growled after a short sigh. "Story time. So I went to work. Bobby gave me shit for not showing up to work for two months. A college friend came by the shop today. I got more shit from him for being gay and that I deserved the fire. No big surprise. The Impala broke down twice today. She's dead. And so, I wanted to get some scotch but they didn't have any so I had to get drunk off of this shit. So If you will...Fuck. Off."

"Im sorry. Today was not a good day, but tomorrow will be better." Cas attempted to comfort him.

Dean groaned. He stood up while simultaneously getting another shot of the half empty bottle of Brandy.

"Dean. Give me the Brandy, please. This isn't you." Cas said politely.

"Oh yeah? And what is me, exactly? Im so fucking depressed all the time, so yeah, this is me, Cas. Deal with it." Dean barked. He crawled into bed, pulling a blue blanket over him.

"You aren't the guy I met at the auditorium. That was you. You were...happy."

"I know."

"Do you want to be happy?"

"..."

"Dean."

"I don't care anymore."

Cas cleared his throat. "Do you not care...or are you to tired to care? You're to tired to care so you would rather give up?"

"Either way, nothing's gonna get better. Some good things do happen, Cas. I know that. But its just the little things that get me. The little things that matter."

"Things will get better. I promise." Cas comforted.

"Just...leave me alone."

"No, Dean. You really need help. Im getting you help." Cas stated.

"No." Dean muttered.

"Yes. Things are getting worse. Im not talking mental institution but maybe something like therapy would help." Cas suggested.

"No." Dean repeated.

"No questions asked. If you want to be happy, then this is how." Cas told him.

"Cas," Dean coughed. "The only thing thats gonna make me happy Is food, Sam, and you. Food is good. Sam is gone. And you're here. So stay. Please."

"Im not going to leave you." Cas said calmly.

"Don't ever."

"Food, eh?" Cas grinned slightly.

"Food, eh." Dean mimicked Cas' voice.

"Its in the kitchen, if you're up to it." Cas nodded towards the kitchen where the food was grilling. More like burning.

"Im game." Dean smiled weakly.

"Lets go." Cas stood up with Dean and followed him out. "But hey, Im still getting you some therapy. It will help."

"Whatever." Dean grunted. "It wont make a difference anyways."


	38. Chapter 38

**Authors Note: BEHOLD! FOR I AM YET BACK AGAIN! AND I HAVE A CHAPTER ALONG WITH ME!**

**Yes so I am really really sorry for the massive wait on this chapter. I just, ugh. I didn't want to write it. No I wasn't in a writers block. No I wasn't going out and partying. Unless you call school shopping at Target a party. But I just didn't want to. You will see why at the end of this chapter. **

**But alas, only two more chapters at the most until this story is over. cry on. **

**Also, I did publish a really short Destiel one-shot. So go check it out if you wanna :D**

**So you little gumdrop pies, I do hope you enjoy this chapter. And please review because I am so close to 100 reviews! Ah thank you! I love you all for your continued support.**

**I hope you enjoy! Chapter 38! (Get ready. For here comes...something...big. And its not a wild Jared Padalecki :D) **

* * *

"Cas. Can I play you something?" Dean inched towards Cas, who was sitting on the couch, deliberately typing on the computer.

"Play me something?" Cas asked as he looked up towards Dean.

"Yeah." Dean muttered. "Play...you something..."

"On...what exactly?" Cas squinted his eyes.

Dean glanced around the empty apartment. The new record player hadn't been played in weeks which allowed it to gather a great amount of dust.

"Oh. Right. No guitar." Dean almost growled on the last word. His guitar was destroyed in the fire. "That's just perfect!" He threw his hands in the air, stood up, and walked away from Cas.

Cas stayed seated on the couch. "Dean? Its okay."

"Fuck this, Cas. I cant even play my god damned guitar." Dean bellowed from the bedroom.

Cas groaned and searched for Dean, only to find him slouched up against the bedroom wall, covering his face with his palm, and tears that mounted on his hands and trailed down his arms.

"Dean, I don't appreciate this attitude of yours. Its okay to be sad sometimes but we cant let the sadness overcome everything else in life. Its slowly killing you, honey." Cas crouched down next to Dean.

"I cant do this anymore." Dean's voice trailed of and was replaced by a small cry.

"You have to, Dean. You have so many things to live for." Cas cradled Dean in his lap. He didn't mind the salty tears that soaked into his skin. The warmth of Deans body was enough to make him feel comforted and peaceful.

"No I don't Cas. My family died, Im failing college, the house burned down, Adam is making my life Hell, and I just...don't want to hurt you anymore." Dean whimpered softly.

"Oh no, Dean. You aren't hurting me. You saved me, Dean. You did."

"I don't...I don't...I just don't want to do this anymore, Cas. Its over."

"What is?" Cas felt distant towards Dean at that moment. For the first time, Cas felt like Deans heart was not with Cas. He felt like Dean didn't want to be there anymore.

"This. Us, Cas. I cant hurt you anymore." Dean huffed.

The world stopped. Everything that had even one ounce of existence, stopped, including Cas' heart. Bitter coldness washed over his body, making his features freeze and replenish with shock.

"W-w-what?"

"You don't need me anymore, Cas. I don't need you anymore."

"You cant be serious..." Cas remained frozen, shock pouring out of him.

"Does it look like I'm joking?" Dean chuckled weakly.

"You...You cant...Do this to me. Dean. I love you." Cas replied softly.

There wasn't a second that Cas could've broke out in tears. When he was sad, he cried. Angry? He cried. But this. He wasn't sad or angry or even relieved.

He was broken. And when Cas was broken, so was his heart, his mind, and everything in between.

He couldnt even try to cry.

Dean didn't reply until he stood up, and wiped his face with his hands. "Cas. Im leaving."

"I wont let you." Cas retorted. "Not now."

"Im leaving, Cas." Dean repeated. "For good."

"Where?" Cas whispered.

"Does it matter?"

"No. Because you cant. I wont let you leave me." Cas stayed on the ground. His head was low. His dark hair was shaggy upon his head, blocking his eyes.

"Im leaving, Cas. Get that in your head, and accept it."

"Why should I?" Cas gasped.

"Because, it will help."

Cas paused. It seemed like it had been hours since either of them spoke. Time just seemed to stop and take a 5 hour break.

"It will help? Who?" Cas finally asked.

"Both of us. I promise." Dean assured him, although his voice hesitated slightly.

"Don't...just, leave. Please." Cas begged him.

"Cas. Im leaving."

Cas looked down at the ripped up, sandy carpet. His head bobbed at the thought.

Dean sat back down with Cas. "I don't know when I'll leave. But when I do, please...Don't forget me."

"Never." Cas answered. "I don't have the strength to ever forget you, my dear."

Dean nodded. "Remember our first date? Cas the Ass..."

"Hey," Cas sniffed, smiling slightly, "That sounds...classy."

"You got the best ass, Cas. Don't you forget that either." Dean laughed as a small smiled tugged at the corner of his lips.

Cas laughed along with him too.

Dean was leaving. They both weren't sure when, but they just wanted to make the best use of the time they have left together.

Silence was overtaken by words. Just until they were ready to speak again.

Cas rested his head on Deans shoulder. Their hands were folded into each others as they each observed the tiny flaws on each other's hands. Cas had rugged cuticles from writing too much. The out edges of his finger nails were dry and crackled, but Dean thought they were beautiful. He thought that it showed the hard work Cas could put into anything. Dean's hands had rough calluses on them from working at the repair shop. They always stayed there as souvenirs of each car he has recently worked on. The rough patches of skin were hard to ignore but Cas thought that they were also beautiful. It showed that Dean was passionate. And when he was passionate, he was beautiful.

"_Hey Jude..._" Cas sang quietly. "_Don't make it bad..._"

Dean didn't respond. His eyes were closed.

"_Take a sad song, and make it better._"

Silence.

Dean cleared his throat. "_Remember..._" Dean began to sing along, "_To let her into your heart. Then you can start to make it better._"

_Hey Jude_

_Don't be afraid _

_You were made to_

_Go out and get her_

_The minute you let her under your skin_

_Then you'll begin to make it better_

_And anytime you feel the pain_

_Hey Jude, refrain_

_Don't carry the world upon your shoulders_

_For well you know that its a fool_

_Who plays it cool _

_By making this world a little colder_

"Sing the rest, Dean. You know I cant sing." Cas pleaded.

"Of course, Castiel." Dean replied.

And so he sang the rest of the tune. But Castiel, fell asleep by the second verse. And Dean, shortly after that.

* * *

"DEAN!" Cas slammed the door open with pride. "ITS FINISHED!"

He had just returned from the library where he spent a brutal eight hour period ferociously typing and editing his book. And after five cups of coffee and one energy drink, his book, was finally finished.

"Dean?" Cas searched through the apartment, looking for Dean. "Did you hear me? I finished the book!"

He flung his messenger bag on the kitchen counter. As he poured himself a glass of milk, he noticed that the apartment felt oddly quiet. As if Dean wasn't there. But he knew Dean was there. Dean had told Cas that he was just going to run a couple of errands and watch TV.

The milk washed down the bitter stench of coffee in Cas' throat. He leaned against the counter, still basking in the glory of his finished masterpiece.

A brown paper bag caught his eye. The only reason it caught his eye, was because it was from the pharmacy.

Cas grabbed the bag in his had, searching it for a receipt. Something. Why would Dean need more medication? His panic attack medication was ruined in the fire, but still, its not like Dean needed it. Dean did have authority to receive that specific medicine. It was his after all.

"Oh God." Cas cried. He sprinted out of the kitchen, letting the glass of milk fall to the ground. Glass split in a million places, letting the milk pour out and onto the hardwood floor.

He stormed into the bathroom. The light was on.

"Dean? Are you o-"

The empty pill bottle rest on the floor, sideways. A note next to it. Ink was scrawled on the paper. Cas' eyes dragged across the floor, slowly taking in the scene before him.

It was a pale thing. It was slumped over the closed seat of the toilet. Its scarred arms covering its face. It was dressed in a immaculate suit. The overcoat fitting perfectly along its toned sides. But the thing inside of the suit, was gone. Was dead. And it did just as it promised. It left.

"Dean."


	39. Chapter 39

**Authors Note: Hey all. Please don't hurt me. I am still in mourning over Dean's death. So yeah, Dean is really dead. I am so sorry! It was actually pretty hard for me to write that chapter but that was how it was supposed to be. **

**I just finished the last chapter, which is this one. Okay, i will be honest with you guys. I am really sad. It took me about 3 hours to write this because 1. I don't want my first story ever to end. Its just sad. 2. Ive been crying uncontrollably because I hate to make endings sad. But they have to be sometimes. **

**This story has truly been amazing. Honestly, Its changed me so much because I realized how amazing you all are and how nice and supportive and encouraging you guys are. So I thank you for that. I will definitely be publishing more stories in the future. This has been amazing. Thank you. I hope this story has helped any of you in anyway. I hope that some of you could relate to it and feel like you aren't alone. Because thats a scary feeling. And if any of you need to talk or if you just want to say hi, please PM me. Because I love talking to you guys. **

**And so now my fruity jello puffs, I bid you good evening (or whatever the hell time it is) and thank you so much. **

**I hope you enjoy Chapter 39... the last one. (im actually crying right now. sheesh.) **

* * *

_It was your eyes. They told a story. In that one moment we met, I could tell that you had a story. And as we began to grow close, that story unraveled which exposed your heart. And so now, your story, Dean, is mine. _

Castiel sat in the empty apartment. This time, he was sure Dean was not in it. He had been dead for a month now. It all seemed so vast and un real to him. Like it was happening to someone else and he was just a person overviewing it from afar.

His back was hunched over as he was focusing on reviewing his book. Ever since Dean died, Castiel had the urge to re read it, and review it over and over again. Until he felt like Dean would be proud of him. But he never felt like that. Because Castiel was not proud of himself. He couldnt save Dean and the least he could do, is write this story out correctly.

_We grew closer, you and I. Our profound bond was something both of us were new at. It was exhilarating and joyous, to come home and see you always focused on something. It was a trait that you had always encountered. Being focused came natural to you. Whether it was being focused on playing guitar, or making dinner, or even watching and commenting on those ridiculous soap operas. You was always focused on something you was passionate about. _

_It was clear to me that the best relationships, the ones that last, are the ones rooted in compassion and love. Each day, I would look at you, Dean, and I could see something more than I did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked on somewhere. And then suddenly, you became the only person I could ever imagine myself with. _

Castiel combed his hair through with his hands. The bottle of whiskey sitting next to his laptop became more empty as the night went on. He just needed to finish this story. For Dean.

Castiel remembered when he saw Dean, dead on the floor. He looked perfect in his suit, except it was for all the wrong reasons. Castiel had kept Dean's note. The last words of Dean Winchester were scrawled on the back of the pharmacy receipt. A long note, for a long receipt.

**_Castiel, _**

**_Im sorry. I know thats what everyone says when they write a suicide note but I really mean it. Im sorry I couldnt be your prince charming. Im sorry I couldnt be your perfect and ideal true love. And Im sorry that God gave you this terrible excuse as the person that saved you because Castiel, How could I have saved you when I couldnt even save myself? _**

**_Your name is beautiful, Castiel. It was to match a beautiful person. An angels name for an angel. _**

**_ When we first met, I told you that your eyes were beautiful, because you told me mine were. I'll soon forget the color of your eyes, and then, you'll forget the color of mine. But thats okay, because it was meant to happen that way. _**

**_But now Castiel, I'll tell you why I did this. Because this life of mine, was over when it started. I knew I was hell bound and nothing could stop that thought from becoming reality. With all the shit I got through my life, I did have a lot of hope. Believe me, Castiel. I did have hope. But hope is such a fragile thing, and it can drain away with one simple action. _**

**_I couldnt bear to hurt you anymore. And I couldnt bear to live this life anymore. I couldnt handle it. Im so sorry. _**

**_I love you, Castiel. And I know that you love me too. So please, my dear, don't ever have the strength to forget me. Don't forget me because I will see you soon, I promise. _**

**_See you then. _**

**_Dean. _**

Castiel gulped down another shot of whiskey. The buzz of the alcohol is what hooked Castiel. He felt like it was unlawful of him to be drinking, but like Dean would always say, it helped. Dean would say that, but Castiel knew it wasn't true. He still drank though. The sting in his throat from whiskey is what another shot of whiskey could solve.

It seemed like it was yesterday when his funeral arrived. He was wearing the same suit. Not a lot of people came since Deans family was dead and his friends betrayed him. But the funeral was nice. Quiet. And there was pie, which Castiel knew thats what Dean would have wanted.

Castiel's vision was blurred, but he continued to read over his story.

_Learning about you, was something I had anticipated since the second we met. It would let your story peak through. I could tell you had such a magnificent soul. But when I learned about your hardships, it revealed some of your story, but it also revealed the part of your soul that was damaged and broken. To see something so beautiful, be so shattered and misunderstood, it just didn't seem fair. _

_You enjoyed the small pleasures in life. A small course of action could brighten your smile for months, which always made me happy as well. And although you never thought much of yourself and that you didn't have anything special about you, you still tried to search for another adventure to keep you going. And when another adventure came along, you didn't hesitate to take advantage of it. Those adventures that we had, opened our hearts to each other, allowing us to become one. We were in love. But I shouldn't say 'were' because I am still in love with you, Dean. _

Castiel rubbed his eyes. They were doing some heavy lifting tonight, even though they were used to it. He never really got a lot of sleep after Dean had gone. The tragic nightmares he would get most nights woke him up just in time for his early morning classes. It wasn't like two hours of sleep a night was a bad thing anymore. He was used to it.

_You were slowly breaking. Even you could see that you were starting to crumble and grow weak. I wasn't ready to let you give up. I had a tendency to try and solve your problems myself. The sense of purpose you thought that was in you, was deteriorating. _

_I knew that you believed that you had a purpose in this world. You even told me once, that you knew you had one. That everyone has a destiny. I believed you. But you slowly began to realize, that people can toy with that destiny. They can alter and destroy it so all that remains, is what you can manage to save. Which sometimes, is nothing. _

No. Castiel couldnt do this. Whenever he edited his book, this was the part where he would break down and cry.

Tonight couldnt be like that.

_You slipped away from my reach. Slowly, then all at once. _

No.

_It was your eyes. Their story was through. In that one moment we met, I could tell you had a story. I just didn't know that it would end this way. _

Castiel slammed his laptop shut. For some reason, he couldnt finish. Yes, his story was over, but he didn't want it to be. He stormed out of the bedroom, running his fingers through his uncontrollable hair.

"Damn it! I cant do anything!" Castiel yelled through the apartment. He threw a random book that previously occupied the kitchen counter. He covered his face with his hands. The same way Dean used to do. "Dean..." Cas whispered. "I need you."

Pacing through the living room didn't solve much, but it did wake him up more. The record player caught his eye. It hadn't been played since before Dean died. And since Dean was gone, there was no use for it anymore. Castiel waked towards it and placed a hand on the lid allowing dust to grab onto his sweaty palm. He ran his fingers along the edge, remembering the comforting sound of Deans voice when he sang along with the tune. He noticed corners of blue poking out of the bottom of the record player. Castiel lifted the player which revealed a record album with a note attached to it.

**_Castiel, _**

**_I hope you find this soon. I wanted to leave you something so that you would remember me and remember when we first met. And I also happen to know that this is your favorite song. It was too bad that the first one of these we bought, was ruined in the fire. I thought it was time to get a new one anyways. When I used to sing this, I thought of my mom. But now, all I can think of is you. And thats a good thing. _**

**_I love you,_**

**_Dean._**

Castiel grinned at the note as a small tear escape his eye. The album was new. The Beatles 1967-1970. Hey Jude was on it.

Castiel looked up, although all that was there, was the plaster white ceiling. He smiled the same smile that Dean used to love. "Thank you, Dean. I love you."

As he sat back down in his chair, he knew exactly how to finish this story. Even if this story would've been the death of him. He just needed to finish this story.

_People don't seem to care or notice until youre dead. Dean could've said that. But he knew it wouldn't have been true. He knew that I cared. I cared endlessly for him. _

_But people don't seem to care or notice their actions, until youre dead. _

_Dean, you had so much to offer. You had such compassion and love for everything, even If life didn't treat you right. Its not that you didn't have anything good about you, you just didn't have the chance to see how beautiful you were. And for that, Im sorry. Because if you saw that, you would be here now. _

_You did not disappoint me, Dean. You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I don't regret anything that happened to us. Even all the hardships we faced and the good times. I don't regret them. Because nothing makes me happier and sadder than you. And thats a good thing. _

_So if anyone is listening, If you are going through Hell, keep going. Because your story should not end early. _

_So, my Dean. I wish you could be here with me now. I will live my life as much as possible, because I know thats what you want. And I will never ever forget you, my dear. But soon, you'll forget the color of my eyes, and then, I'll forget the color of yours. But thats okay. Because it was meant to happen that way. And dont worry, I'll see you soon. I promise._

_See you then._

_Castiel._

**The End.**


	40. Author's Note

**Hey everyone! So i've been thinking about an idea for this story. Its sad to say that this story have been over for a while, I loved it and It was my first creative piece Ive ever done. Its gotten amazing feedback and you guys seemed to really enjoy it. It made me so happy to see you guys respond to it, I love you guys for that. So, I have an idea. Im thinking about writing a sequel to this story. I have a couple ideas for it and I think you guys will like it. I know that Dean is dead, he isnt coming back. I like to keep things realistic with this story. But from the way it ended, I think that Castiel can have another story. Thats all im gonna say about that!**

**I am in the middle of three other stories at the moment but hell, I really like the idea of this sequel. This is where you guys come in, please please please leave a review saying whether or not you guys would be interested in something like that. That is the only way im going to know if you guys are going to be interested or not. **

**Thank you so much! Also, if you guys have any ideas or suggestions you want to see in this sequel, leave them in a review! **

**I love you guys. **

**~winchestersangel **


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